Just Another Fantastic Tuesday!

“It’s About Doing What I Say Now And Not Looking Like A Fool!

It all went zero to a hundred real quick today, and it wasn’t some catchy hook in a Drake song. When you stand toe to toe with your father telling him that if he doesn’t shut up your going to knock his teeth out, and in the end he is right and you are mad at the pile of shit that you have stacked on top of your life, well fuck me man. I am and even bigger piece of shit that I thought I was, so in my moment of weakness I decided fuck it and did something I swore I would never do, I popped the steroid pill, hell I think I am going to take all 19 of them, why the fuck not? After being told you’re a piece of shit, a loser who hasn’t made anything out of himself and that you are worthless by one of the most important people to you and they are right so you react like a fool and say some dumb shit, what the fuck is left? What the fuck does any of it matter? I write and talk a good game about how I want it to change, but as Johnny Football said today, “Its about doing what I say now, and not looking like a fucking fool, because boy right now I look like the biggest fucking Jackass around! You would think instead of letting it all boil to the surface and watching it boil to the surface and react, Holy shit Batman, you would think you would want to do something about that Sir! What a fucking joke, the coaches and the kids, the parents everybody loves me, I am a great guy, minus the fact I won’t get off my ass and be who the fuck I am supposed to be. The worst thing in the world, worse than a liar or cheater, by far the worst is a mother fucker who wastes this life and doesn’t become who he or she could be because they are too busy boo hooing about why the shit that happens to everybody happened to them. It’s what you do, directly after the adversity hits you right between the eyes. Do you accept your hit and act on it? Or do you react like a little bitch, like me Coby! What’s your choice going to be? I can tell you this much for sure, reacting has got me at thirty-seven back living with my parents, hating my life, wasting it away getting into fights now with my father and everyone else who mattered and in the end, I can’t even stand the mother fucker looking back at me in the mirror, in fact, I am not sure I even know him at all anymore. I lied, the second worst thing you can do in life is no become who you are supposed to be. The worst is what I have done my whole life, compromise and lose yourself. A week ago I would have called a guy who slept with two different girls in a twenty-four hour period the piece of shit he was until that piece of shit was me. I screamed and yelled at anyone who put a steroid in their body, even though the one I took was a pill, and there I go justifying, point is not in a million years would I put that shit in my body, until today when I did! London fucking bridge is falling down folks, I have a short window to save it all, or I must fade the fuck away with it, because this shit is over and done. I have to do what I say I am going to do and quit looking like a fucking fool, because everybody is tired of it, most of all this fool….

Driving By Your Church To Buy Weed From Behind The Bar!

Driving By Your Church To The Back Of The Bar It Shares A Parking Lot With To Buy Weed!

There is a headline grabber for you, funny not funny, mad not mad or some shit like that is how the kids or what the kids are saying these days. Except I am still busy playing this little kid game and they always end the same, the game, and my act have become old! Scared to death of it now, watching the beginning of Eric Church’s Talladega video. About and old man in a hospital bed looking back on all of the amazing things he did and I got nothing but wasted years. Wasted time that I can’t get back and now I have lost the passion for it all, I had it two girls ago, but now no drug, not the ton of drinking I have been doing the last three weeks or the three different woman texting me to hang out and not a bit of it can fuel the fire I once had, I feel like I lost it all and I am not sure what fixes it at this point. Maybe nothing does and I have finally reached that point where I have to be real and I have wasted too much time and this is where I end. How sad would that be? Sad as it sounds, worse is the life that I continue to lead and what I continue to do and who I continue to let down and duck and hide from! I have no other choice now than to forgive myself, because it all isn’t slipping, all but the last little hope I hold onto has slipped away. Everything I wanted, gone or about to be gone and what am I doing? Letting it all go down the same way that it has always gone down time after time and this aint no Cyndi Lauper song, I think the one who without a doubt has got tired of me the most, is me! Okay, the whoa is me is done, it is Monday, it is about to turn 2015 and that bitch I am going to own, people are going to know my name and by Valentine’s day I will be having the best year of my life, it is time to turn this bitch around, I am the only one who can do it, so here the fuck it goes Tupac, all eyes on me! It’s come down to this moment, I can take my shot or I can keep talking about taking my shot while driving past my church to buy pot from behind the bar…..

Let’s Take Care Of This Son Of A Bitch!

I Don’t Give A Fuck About You!

Yeah, we will get to that third thing soon I promise, a little later tonight, but in one of those I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck about you moods. Should of said next a long time ago, but worrying about that isn’t going to fix what is in front of me. I see what it is about it a rap video from Big Sean, and honestly I love it. It’s all about the comeback baby, everybody eats it at some point in life, and all anybody cares about is what you do after you eat it. Do you prove them all wrong and shut them up and not give a fuck about them, or do you give so much of a fuck about them that your life has gotten so far off track your staring down the biggest train wreck in history! Quit coming around with bad news and bringing everyone around you down, figure out a way to fake it and then start doing the work to make it. I have faked my way this far, I have fooled some of the smartest and the most beautiful and I aint proud of a second of it, but you can do anything you set your mind too. I am not proud of any of the stuff I have done, but what’s done is done and what I must do still is waiting on me. I want that comeback moment, I don’t want to be a dick about it, I don’t want to say I told you so; I have been bitter and angry and lived like that for far too long. Or should I say haven’t lived, being bitter and angry has cost me so much when it didn’t have to because the whole time I was mad at myself for not acting and then I started reacting because people got tired of it and called me on it. Check yourself, start paying attention to what you give a fuck about and if it really matters and is worth the time, because your time is the one thing you can’t get back and how you choose to spend it is all on you. Are you going to spend it on something that doesn’t give a fuck about you, or are you going to not give a fuck about it and drop it on its mother fucking head like it dropped you? Knows your last chance to come out the other side before it buries you and the choice is simply up to you and you alone. Some walks in life you have to take alone, nobody to hold your hand, pick you up or say that it is okay and sometimes it won’t be okay and you’re going to have to accept that. Accepting things that you don’t want to in life will get you so much farther in life than most people get, so figure it out, because I can’t give a fuck for you, I don’t give a fuck about you, I can’t I gotta give a fuck about me……

Number 2

“2. Letting Someone Else Create Your Dreams For You!

The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are; the second greatest thing is being happy with what you find. A big part of this is your decision to stay true to your own dreams and goals. Do you have people who disagree with you? Good, it means that you’re standing your ground and walking your own path. Sometimes you’ll do things considered crazy by others, but when you catch yourself excitedly losing track of time, that’s when you know you are doing the right thing.” I think the rapper T.I. said it best when he dropped the line live your life, letting someone else live it for you and being a puppet is the worst thing you can do. Nobody wants to sit on the sidelines of their own life and watch it unfold in front of them! I it all about the comeback victory now, it’s the last thing on the bucket list; it takes me to the finish line! Fuck man what a pussy, I can’t even finish this post, my shit has sucked ass lately and I can’t seem to do anything about it. Okay, reboot, I was living someone else’s dream and I made that okay because she had a smoking hot little body and a nice house and I didn’t have shit but pretty looks. When you’re a dude, that shit doesn’t take you very far princess; you still have to earn it!

10 Choices You’ll Regret In 10 Years!

“10 Choices You Will Regret In Ten Years.”

“Wearing a mask to impress others. If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or what everyone else’s perception of you is, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you. You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire people. Let them be inspired and impressed by how you deal with your imperfections!” Starting a new series, don’t know who wrote that or the other nine but I will try to let you know next post. I tried to be something that I wasn’t, I tried to act like everything I didn’t like I did and when you wear a mask and force things, things tend to fall apart and oh did they fall apart humpty dumpty! I have no excuses or reasons for any of it anymore, I did the work and I have to put it in play or I stay here. Here sucks, so fuck it why not me? Why not now? Might as well, every second that I waste I am getting closer to dead anyways so maybe I finish it and I don’t let it finish me. Maybe I act like I should, maybe I grow up and take off the mask and accept some shit and move the fuck on. Maybe I learn to leave well enough the fuck alone and take care of my business and work on keeping my nose clean and the rest will work itself out. Nobody wants to hear it, keep your nose down and your eyes on whatever the prize is too you, most of all take of the mask and face and deal with all those demons you have been fighting, or you will regret it in ten years…..

I Think They Lied, Because That Shit Sure Don’t Smell Like Roses!

And I’ve sent a few roses in my day, that shit didn’t look like them either! So I guess if it looks and smells like a pile of shit, it’s probably a pile of shit and it might be time to walk away princess! The only thing now that is holding you back is the fear of falling flat on your face! I have the shirt, it is by the greatest basketball player to ever play the sport, the best at what he did. The last sentence of the shirt reads like this. “I have failed over and over again in my life, that is why I succeed! They told him he wasn’t good enough, so he worked harder and probed them all wrong! You see I got a lot of people saying a lot of things right now about me that aren’t so sweet! But I gave the ammunition, I can just as easily take it away by going out an proving it, doing what none of them think I am capable of! Life starts where fear begins and your comfort zone ends, because there is no guarantee, life is a gamble! I gambled it away and now I have to go all in on a wing and a prayer hoping if I do the work this time that I didn’t do before, than somehow this bitch called my life will work itself out! Can’t get a good job without college, but who can pay for college or for that matter pay the loans after college?? Another new round on congress and senate and is it ISIS, ISIL or did Al Qaeda never go anywhere and we have accomplished nothing? Just giving brown people shady looks and creating the department of homeland take away our rights and scare us to death with threat levels, so who won? Yeah, shit may have looked rosy, but it sure didn’t smell like it!

You’ll Never See It Coming!

Not Now, Mother Fuckers Thought I Cared!

Mistook me being nice as me being a little bitch and not putting the work in and for a while they were right. But these last couple days I haven’t been writing so much, I apologize, but I wasn’t caring anymore about a bitch that dropped me and broke my heart or a life that I let shit on me. I was busy proving them all wrong and doing the work I didn’t do before so I could really make it happen this time. This time it isn’t do or die, it isn’t make it happen or walk away, it is 0 to 100 real quick and make it the fuck happen no matter what you have to do. Fuck blood, fuck sleep, fuck being told I can’t, ill run right thru that brick fucking wall you just watch me, this time I prove everybody who didn’t think I had it in me wrong, this time it is time to pay the piper. This time it goes down differently, this time I win, I finish shit and when I finish shit, what was against me won’t even have a clue as to where to begin to get back on their feet. Mother fuckers thought I was going to keep worrying about the shit that didn’t mattered, when the whole time they were paying attention to the wrong thing. They were looking at what I did, and they should have been worried about if I ever quit fucking with my past, what I would do with my future, and now I see that future. Yeah lately I have done some dirt bag shit that I am not happy about, but who is fucking perfect? You? I know I sure the hell ain’t, I couldn’t make it one post without cussing, but I still got those promises to keep. I still want to fund that little girl in Heavens charity so she can change even more lives than she already does every day from up there. I want to help abused and homeless animals, I want the fucking word cancer to go away and never fucking come back, I want everyone to have enough, not so few with a lot and so many without shit, I want to change things. And on this journey I have come to realize that change starts with me as I have always said! While you were looking the other way thinking I cared about my past, I been putting in those hours and I been doing what I said I was going to do, and I heard every word that you mother fuckers were saying and I am about ready to make you go gulp and bite your lip! Not now, I am too close to pulling this mother fucker off for it to go down like this NO FUCKING WAY! See while you were busy looking the other way at what I did and thought I was going to do again, I got down to business and did what nobody thought I could do…….

We Create Our Own Destiny And Demons

The Boogeyman Ain’t Real, We Create Our Own Destiny And Demons, So What Are You Afraid Of?

It ain’t over, no way in hell until I say it is over! I am done with the cussing I am done with letting the little things go, cussing and sounding like and idiot and doing things because you cannot because you should, only leads you down the wrong path little red riding hood! To hell with it all kindly, I made the mess, I thought it was going to end me, the whole time it was afraid that I was going to end it and now one of us has to be finished. One of us has to step up and find it in ourselves to end this mess, because something is about to be finished and it sure as hell isn’t me this time. And if hell is a cuss word then I am sorry, baby steps people, have you read some of the other stuff that wrote? See that wasn’t so hard, stuff instead of ish and I already start to sound like and adult and not some idiot! I have to clean it all up, I let the boogeyman become real and I created demons, not my destiny, so I guess the answer to the question is obvious, I am afraid of myself! Been there, done that and lost that game over and over again, so as Eminem said, new plan Stan. The plan hasn’t changed, but the pussy standing in the way of the plan has moved out-of-the-way, it was a good plan, it could have changed ish and is still could, but I am to afraid of my own frigging shadow to do anything about it. Man not being able to cuss is going to be the death of me, I’m not sure if it gives my writing the same impact, honestly sometimes I think cussing brings out my best writing and who the fuck are you to judge me anyway! Remember the boogeyman aint real, your hopes and dreams are and it is up to you whether or not you create your destiny or demons! Most importantly you have to decide one thing. You have to figure out what you are afraid of and you have to decide if you are more afraid of it, or more afraid of staying the person you are…

Merry Christmas!

I Know!

“I know there’s something in the wake of your smile, I get a notion from the look in your eyes yeah. You’re built on love, but that love falls apart, a little piece of Heaven, turns to dark. Listen to your heart! Listen to your heart, there is nothing else you can do, I don’t know where you’re going and I don’t know why, but listen to your heart. Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile!” My head has talked me into things that I in a million years could never present a case that would trick my heart into thinking were okay. Your heart doesn’t lie, you can spin a million tales about the million excuses you have, but the heart won’t lie. I had a great time with family last night, some people that I definitely let down and people move on if they see you trying to move on, but other things I still want have moved on and I am still doing douche bag shit. I would love to say Merry Christmas, so many have it so much worse than I do, but that do or let die sin or swim moment and yeah I know it is sink I did that on purpose has come! That day were it is all in front of me, the deadline that I said I would either get my act together and pull it all off or I would walk away and it appears that I would now have to walk away. Now I have to listen to my heart, I didn’t follow through once again, I fucked off and had fun. What I thought was fun and in the aftermath, I never have fun anymore, my life sucks, fun for a minute turns into the madness of trying to put your life together at thirty-seven on the fucking fly while it is all falling apart. Different girl’s beds, more than one calling you babe, you went from the biggest piece of shit on the planet with all you did before, to pulling off your best act yet. They all think that you are actually trying and doing the right things and like the car fucking salesman you are, you have them all fooled again, because the outside looks better than it ever has, but what is on the inside still fucking sucks so bad and I don’t know if I know how or want to change it is what scares me the most. I gotta knock off the cussing, the lying to myself thinking that any of this is okay and face some harsh fucking realities or this shit goes down in flames, because I may not walk away today, but the match has been struck and its 48 hours to midnight. Merry Christmas to you and yours, thank you for following along on this little journey and look around, it isn’t things, but the people you’re spending time with right now!

“If The High Was Worth The Pain!

Never in my life, let alone the day before Christmas did I think that id be quoting Taylor Swift! But it’s over and the high was without a doubt not worth the pain, problem is I did it! Yeah I, back to Jake Owen and starting with me! Except I don’t want to start with me, because I suck! I flat suck dude, no way around it, I will talk you up all night about what I’m going to do and how I want to change, but when it comes down to that little part about doing it, I don’t get it done! I take the easy way out, always have, cringe when I say this, hope I always will doesn’t turn into the rest of my life! In the moment you think you can do better and don’t appreciate what you have is the second you realize the grass ain’t always greener and the high usually is never worth the pain unless you are trying to accomplish something physical! The best highs in life my friends don’t come with the pain, they are the I do’s the naming babies and March madness with Mike Tyson’s tiger and the boys in Vegas! To each and every one of you who have been following me on this little journey I appreciate it and ice decided it isn’t over tomorrow unless I fold, I choose to fight, I just got to many promises to keep!