Ace Of Spades, Laying Down The Final Trump Card!

So it clearly isn’t just for the drug addicts and people who are broke and facing insurmountable odds. Chester from Linkin Park, Kate Spade and Mr Bourdain may you all rest in peace weren’t broken for sure. Didn’t seem like drug addicts,  but you never know, you never know what and what doesn’t make a person happy. Whats that saying? “What good is it to gain the whole world and lose your soul?” I feel in the end we are losing ourselves, why do we have to be tough? Why is it not okay to not be okay? why do we persecute, and say things like its life just handle it. That works for some people, some people handle life and in the end like the three people I just mentioned, life somehow ends up handling them. How we handle things going forward will say a lot about us as a country and as a world. While bad things seem to be happening all over the world, school shootings at two a clip a month is only happening in one civilized nation. That’s right, send them to school, somewhere they are supposed to learn and feel safe. Does anybody feel safe anymore? I see why someone could make the choice that the three I mentioned did, this world is an ugly place. An ugly place that we the people and the rest of the world have created, and now what is left are choices. Its time to stop arguing about what happened and do something before it happens again. While we are looking to the left at what just happened, over on the right we are missing what is happening now. We are a step behind in the process and now it feels like we have become the process. Who knows, we all can be vulnerable to it. We all can have a little too much to drink and make a bad choice, we all can be depressed and in the moment and see no way forward. That saying you never know until you walk a mile in someone’s shoes is one of the truest ever. Has it ever crossed my mind at my worst moments when I saw no way out, for sure. But what turns a thought into an action? The action part I could just never take, but am I just lying to myself? Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain? They had means that they earned, they didn’t want for anything material, they seemed to be happy and enjoying life and yet here I am typing about them. Two weeks ago if I had dropped those names and said suicide, how many of you would have laughed? Right, you can be the richest person in the world, with the prettiest girl and not have a want or need and in the end you need more than you know. I don’t know why people lay down the final Trump card, may you all rest in peace and may we start finding answers instead of these never-ending questions!

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“Houston, We Have A Problem!”

And it isn’t Kevin Durant and the Golden State Warriors. Today, just outside of Houston, another one bites the dust! Another kid is dead, another teacher too, even more kids lives shattered and scared to death to walk back into their high school! It’s tge guns, it’s my second amendment it’s this or it’s that! It was Texas today so obviously every other word was God this or God that! While I believe in God, this isn’t his problem, this is our problem! This isn’t a God made problem, let’s me clear, this is a MAN made problem. This is us reacting instead of acting, this is what we have created! It’s not guns, if they can’t get them legally they will get them illegally! If someone wants to shoot something up, they’re going to find a way to get a gun. This is America, money talks ladies and gentleman! Money is what’s getting in the way of the issue that we can’t seem to take care of! Interests throwing money on this side and interests throwing money on that side! Not to help save kids lives, but to save their bottom line! It’s not like it seems like once a month these school shootings are happening! I look overseas and while I love my country, I don’t see this happening anywhere else so why? This is where people turn the argument back to guns and Houston we have a problem!

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We Tend To Dwell On It!

On how bad our life is, we forget about that town in Syria, we forget about those kids in Parkland. We forget about 100 girls kidnapped from school in Nigeria, we forget, because it is becoming all too common.  We choose to worry about little problems and let them become big problems! We forget about are pride, we let ourselves sink into the mentality of, well he did it and got away with it, so why do I have to be better? If I have to tell you why, you have already fallen into life’s trap game. I’ve played poor me for so long and it’s life’s fault or why did YOU do that, that I lost myself. Like a lot of us, I lost my way and I made things that weren’t okay, well okay! The mind is an amazing thing, we let it convince ourself that we can or can’t do something, but the reality is this. Eminem was right, “you can do anything you set your mind !” Plain and simple, nothing to be argued about there, excuses or extra work to figure it out? Because at this point with the state of the world, we bettter figure a way out now!

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What you didn’t do over what you did! What you didn’t do because of who was watching or who you wanted to impress! Haylee Steinfields Let me go plays over and over in my head! All I could have done, all I didn’t do, all I did do and what’s doing me now! To far too fast, to high too fast, and get comes the crash and burn! Yeah, I’ve been hoping, hoping to let go of and put to bed this life I created, these demons I’m chasing on my path to nowhere! Their right you know! The ones who said that you’d regret those chances you didn’t take. Those people you did t see or make time for at the moment, because time plays tricks and you were sure you’re going to have more moments! Now all you doing is hoping and praying, hope is a great thing to have and I’m not against praying at all. But both mean jack if you don’t act on your prayers and hopes and dreams! Asking then doing nothing is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. It’s like banking on winning the lottery! Just a few midnight ramblings to think about!
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Ashes To Ashes We All….

Fall down, and by the looks of things chose to stay down! We chose to look the other way and blame it on the woman. We chose to look the other way and elect the biggest jackass in history, yeah I voted for him too! Choke, gasp for air, hard for me to swallow that one. But we the people of these divided states have chosen to take. Chose to sit back and let hate win, I’m sorry, we’re better than that. Let sexual assault become okay and even defended it, I’m sorry, we’re better than that!  We have laid down and accepted it as business as usual, where are the leaders? Where are the real heroes? My favorite rapper 2pacp used to say all the time, “ I don’t want to change the world, but I want to spark the mind that does!” I want We the people to quit talking about change and start enacting change! Because we the people are better than that, we the people may have forgotten we have a voice. A voice can only be silenced if we the people choose to let it be! Ashes to ashes we all fall down, or do we finally stand our ground……

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We Defeated Roy Moore, Can We Defeat Our Own Demons!

I answer that question with a resounding no, demons 1 million, me a bit fat zero. A big fat zero in so many ways, so many chances, so many chances pissed away. Now I’m forty, getting old and my act is getting old, I’m tired and everyone’s tired of the act. When you answer questions with excuses, you only draw out the inevitable! I know how this horror story ends, I fear I have let my life turn out this way one too many times! It was okay to lie, it bought me time to fix it. Until one lie turned into 17 lies and now it would seem there is no fixing any of this shit. Twenty years, I look back now and I wonder why I did any of it. Worse, looking for the answers as to why I didn’t do anything about it and all I’m left with is what’s looking back in the mirror! And what’s looking back in the you ask? I don’t have answer or clues anymore. I used to look into those eyes looking back at me and see confidence and possibilities. Now I look and see the end! I see demons winning, I see me losing and I see this tangled web I have weaved closing in on me! Roy Moore down, the question is am I down too, or does it just appear that way? Setbacks and fall downs are sometimes set ups for the best things in our lives. So remember that if your down, remember that when they count you out and say it isn’t possible, that’s when everything becomes possible……

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It’s Time To Consult Your Fears!

Who wins? What you are afraid of or you? Funny, what you are afraid of is failure and to this point all you have done is be a disappointment. Failure couldn’t be any worse than living another day this way. That’s the problem though, you are afraid of failure. Stay here and you aren’t exposed, take on your fear and who knows. That line that I believe is from Nelson Mandela that Samuel L. Jackson says in Coach Carter resonates with me now. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. You playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Some powerful shit right there, I have to get better with my language, coming to find that I have to get better with a lot of things. This I have decided for certain though. No longer will it continue like this, “what I allow will continue.” What I don’t allow can’t continue, fears are just this as I read somewhere once. “False Evidence Appearing Real,” True story, we are defeated by what might happen in our head, far before life ever beats us. Too many times we let what might happen keep us from what could happen. Quit living your life worrying about what might happen and could happen and just fucking make it happen. Life’s too short, what if I am wrong and there is no God and there is no Heaven? That means only two things are certain in this life, time marches on and you get a box at the end. Do you want to spend your days in fear of what might of happened, so you can talk about what you could have done? Damn, this jackass sure sounds a whole lot like me……

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