Cape fits I guess, but the beat down was severe, and the comeback doesn’t seem near! It did, but kind of like the world these days, I got caught up worrying about what didn’t matter. When In the end, what really mattered were those days that I was letting pass by. I didn’t realize I had issues of my own that I had to deal with while I was trying to play Superman and help everyone else! In the end I worried more about the ones that didn’t matter, and let down the ones that mattered the most. And now what I want most of all is all of it back! Just one of the amazing women I let walk away, the people I can’t talk to anymore, because bad choices turned into worse decisions. And now I feel my life has become as big a shit show as that conformation hearing. I guess I’m a let down, the problem with that seems to be that I don’t have time to be a let down anymore. These battle scars will never fade as long as you continue to be at war with yourself! Sometimes we have to cut ties with things or people we don’t want too. Sometimes we have to let go of things that we never imagined we would have to let go of! Sometimes it’s called life and it’s called moving on and it’s sucks, but what’s worse you ask? Staying in the same fucking place lying down broken refusing to get up for so many years now you’re embarrassed to put it in print! Out of sight out of mind right, you can ignore anything if you want to. Until you can’t ignore it anymore, until yourself and the world stands up and puts on the red cape together! When it finally gets bad enough that your actions back up your words! When we the people realize we are bigger and badder than whatever is against us, when we make moves! Because whether they are for you or against you, there are always moves to be made! So are you heading for the phone booth to change? Or are you ducking behind it likes we all Gabe and will you let this continue! We will continue shortly, life calls……..
I’m 41 and lily-white, so let’s get that out of the way from the jump! I hate rich, white corporate people, I guess I should have clarified! You know the ones taking 9 figure bonuses while people are dying who can’t afford their drugs! Yeah, those douchebags, not a big fan! I hate that White guy in the White House, that this White guy voted for! I get that I will never get what it’s like to be black, I get I probably wouldn’t get shot in my own apartment! I hate that it’s my fault and every other white persona fault when shit like that happens! Because in the end, there are bad people in every race, color and creed, if we are all honest! I hate that nobody is honest anymore, it’s all half-truths and what they want you to hear. I hate that when someone speaks the truth, they are an asshole and everyone’s feelings get hurt! I hate that we the people have become we the pussies and let it get this far! I’d like to believe like Luke Bryan that most people are good, but lately? I’m having a real hard time convincing myself of that! You know what I hate the most? Because I used the word hate, that’s prolly why you read this post….. we will get back to this in a couple of hours folks!
The process surely wasn’t supposed to be like that. It’s the left, it’s the right, it’s a senator from Zona, it’s Mrs. Collins whose constituents will handle that! I want to talk about change, I want to talk about how I was a screw up and figured it all out and cane up with a new plan! I want to quit hearing the voices about what I did, I want them to see the comeback! Any old mother fucker can run their mouth and talk about it, we all have lips! Speaking of lips, ladies I have a question for you! Your lips look just fine, why would you inject your lips with that shit? Why would you dress like that too while we are at it? You know that you are just asking for it stupid, in my Brett Kavanaugh voice! America I have a question for you! How can he be a judge, when he couldn’t handle being judged, when his own back yard wasn’t clean! Be careful young men, I have a warning for you, it’s a dangerous time for you! My voice echoing in the background mocking sexual assault victims! Hey, here’s a novel fucking idea! There’s a few girlfriends who weren’t happy in the end, but not one of them would say I laid a hand on or sexually assaulted them! I may have a head with no fucking screws in it but I know right from wrong, so do all you shit bags out there defending your actions! To all you kids out there, I am involved with kids and bring a kid can be brutal enough! In the end, fat, someone having less than you or looking or having different circumstances than you won’t matter! What will matter will be when you look back on it all. And at 41 I look back on it all now and think how could I have done some of the things I’ve done and how the fuck did I ever let it go down like this. So cut them some slack, include them, be a kid and let them be a kid. I had two pretty good parents! A lot of kids unfortunately don’t have one, doesn’t matter if their in Jordan’s or ten-dollar off the rack at Wal-mart shoes, we are all fucking people man. And man, I sure feel that we have lost track of that somewhere along the line! And now I fear we have been toeing this line a little too long and somehow in this whole process, I feel like the devil one! But the devil will tell you himself, that the devil is in the details. He doesn’t have to be there, we put him there, so your move my friend!
Then change the game, break the rules, I guess I’m hoping you’ve all had enough like me! I could tell you it was going to be easy, I could tell you that you won’t waste years of your life chasing it! But even if I try to spin those wasted years into lessons, the lessons are getting longer and the years shorter! I hope you are right Luke Bryan about those streets of gold, and I’ll be a believer until the day I die! Judge me, that’s fine, that’s all we do anymore anyway, but I ask you this? If you’re judging me for being Christian, isn’t that like me judging you for being gay? Hey, I’m just saying! Because there are a whole bunch of us out here who are sitting in the pews Sunday who could care less who you sleep with! Born and raised Christian here, lean more right than left on any given Sunday, but if there is a God that I believe in, let’s, let him be God! Let’s not try to be bigger than God, let’s understand we all have differences, let’s work together for real change! Not some Democrat for four years and then some republican who undoes all of it when he takes office or vice versa! Let’s change the game, let’s flip the script on all the bastards flipping the script on us. Let’s maybe use are brains and remember the Bible has good things, it has been written and interpreted by man for so long that well! Gods word is in there, I fully believe that, but to follow it to the tee? Hell, apparently the holiest people on the planet can’t do that and lately some of them seem to be the worst! Think what you want about Kavanaugh, but the President mocked a woman claiming sexual harassment and the crowd cheered! In the United States of America in 2018! Let that shit sink in while you are waving your flag and playing your proud to be an American country song! I guess while we are taking shots, let’s get a few off my chest! Naw, maybe I leave that up to Kavanaugh, maybe I’ll adress it in a few hours tune in, this one can’t end that way! This one has to end with hope, this one has to end with us laying down are differences and finding an answer, United we stand, divided we fall, they are trying to divide us! They have used the divide against us to get us too this point, Hate can’t win, a divide is man-made! The shit man made and put in food and drinks causes cancer! Maybe I can’t say why little tommy has to be in a wheel chair, maybe he’s there because there is a bigger plan for him, I can go on about maybe, but I can’t go on living the way that man tells me too!
Whoops, never mind, I meant do over! I mean I think I deserve one. I may have really fucked it up this time, but I’m not Cosby and Kavanaugh giving them the “juice!” Perfect by no means, but my momma raised me better than that, and my daddy whipped my ass with a stick when necessary! Now a days you discipline your kid or touch a quarterback and everyone loses their damn mind! There comes a time where whatever it is that doubts us can’t stop us anymore, it becomes all but an afterthought! A point where maybe we can get a do over, because we realize that no matter how bad. No matter how deep the water, how far up that creek we get, five feet eleven inches deep, there’s still a chance! We gave up on hope a long time ago and resigned ourselves to this is just the way it is. The worst thing you can do is accept it because you’ve given up, only you can stop you! See you have fans out there on both sides! Secretly hoping you keep falling flat on your face. Secretly pulling for you and hoping this time you get it right, because what it could be! To the person thinking about committing suicide tonight, you could be the person! The person as Tupac says that makes the change! The person who changes the world, cure childhood cancer, makes a difference, but you have to be here for that to ever happen! You can’t have a do over if you aren’t here to do it, it isn’t over the battle you are losing right now isn’t a war, win the war! To the si how mom barely making it happen, keep making it happen, those kids are now and always will be worth it! Life will come at you like no other, keep coming back for more, the only screw over is if you lay down and that’s a choice! I’m finding a lot of life, Hell all of life is about the choices we make, and mine have to be better, bet yours could be too;-)
Boy how it was going to go down in my heart and how it went down have led me to one conclusion. “Well it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I my dear!” You can only hide in the shadows for so long, you can only run from it for so long before it catches you and you start chasing it. It only takes seconds, one bad decision and life as you know it, well I really fucked it up this time. It’s not the fuck up that gets to me anymore, it’s the what could have been. Liars are the only ones who will tell you that you can’t worry about the could have! At some point we all think about something that if we’d of done this what could of been! It can be our undoing, for the past twenty years I have been letting it undo me! What was supposed to be a one night stand, I have subsequently turned into a twenty year nightmare. Scared of facing what I’ve done, scared of the reality of it all, it took twenty years, but I let it stay with me and now it’s closing in on me! I don’t even know what it is anymore that I’m chasing or fighting, I mean I know it’s me, but fuck me, I don’t like me! I hate what I see in the mirror, I hate what I know I am capable of and can’t stop doing and there it is, found the it. There’s no can’t in life, can’t is for victims who make excuses, I WONT DO IT! And I bet somewhere in the battle the you’re fighting whose reading this, you too have a won’t! And until you solve the won’t, you will never be what you’re in your heart……
Fear, and what it can convince you of! What if lies don’t cover up the past, what if they cover up the present! They turn us inside out, and force themselves to the surface! What once was, can never stay the same, no matter how much we wish it could and that’s the bottom line. And now because of the way I have chosen to live my life and the lies I have had to tell to cover it up, life won and me zero. Used to never worry about it, as kids say these days, Zero fucks! That was at twenty, then forty showed up knocking on my door a year ago and I looked back on twenty years and thought, Life won, me zero. Life hit hard and like I tell the high school kids I coach, you have to get back up no matter how hard the hit. Funny how you talk that shit, but yet you chose to lay down for so long because it was easier. Easier to let someone else deal with it, easier to let someone else take your hit and you just ducked and ran. And now its all falling apart, now the score is life won and me zero. And I get it should be one, if you don’t get what I’m doing here I doubt ill be able to slow it down for you. The thing that scares me about that zero, is it my score or is it what I have let myself become? At least I have that part figured out, I got myself in to this mess and I sure as fuck will get myself out of it. But its the cops fault or the teachers fault or it isn’t my kids fault, I have to say life won for sure, because it seems like all the fuck we do is make excuses for it. It isn’t my fault, Shaggy had a song about it, “it wasn’t me,” well Shaggy, it may not have been you, but at this point I kind of think that we are all on the hook. So let me tell you a little something that you probably already know. Sometimes its going to be you zero and life one. Sometimes you can make all the excuses that you want, sometimes life takes things from you that just isn’t fair. Sometimes we have questions that only the God I believe in if he exists has answers for and hell, maybe even he doesn’t. Man has free will, man has choices and man I am tired of the score being life won, me zero……..