I Hate White People!

I’m 41 and lily-white, so let’s get that out of the way from the jump! I hate rich, white corporate people, I guess I should have clarified! You know the ones taking 9 figure bonuses while people are dying who can’t afford their drugs! Yeah, those douchebags, not a big fan! I hate that White guy in the White House, that this White guy voted for! I get that I will never get what it’s like to be black, I get I probably wouldn’t get shot in my own apartment! I hate that it’s my fault and every other white persona fault when shit like that happens! Because in the end, there are bad people in every race, color and creed, if we are all honest! I hate that nobody is honest anymore, it’s all half-truths and what they want you to hear. I hate that when someone speaks the truth, they are an asshole and everyone’s feelings get hurt! I hate that we the people have become we the pussies and let it get this far! I’d like to believe like Luke Bryan that most people are good, but lately? I’m having a real hard time convincing myself of that! You know what I hate the most? Because I used the word hate, that’s prolly why you read this post….. we will get back to this in a couple of hours folks!

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What Will They Remember!

The good times? At this point there just hasn’t been enough of them. And lately what should be good time has all the good time sucked out of it by the stress and the walls crumbling down on me! Built it up on bullshit and now I find my temper razor thin and find myself getting mad at those closest too me and I have no fucking clue at all why! I mean I guess the why is the easy part, it’s all starting to catch up with me at 41! All the things I put off, because I was sure I was going to have time for them! Then the cancer came and took my grandfather in his eighties! His mom lived until she was 104 and he was so healthy, I knew I had time! Now the time that I thought I had is fleeting, it’s going to take more than the holy water at the river Eminem! The marks in the L colloum are starting to mount up, I think more now about what they will remember more than what could have been! Sometimes I think what could of been is so far gone it can never be, but if I admit that, I admit defeat. And this I do firmly believe, there is but only one thing and or person on this earth that can defeat you. And that is the mother fucker looking back at you in the mirror in the morning. The mother fucker who looks back at you and says today is the day that we beat it. The face that looks back and tells you that you can’t, defeat isn’t a real live thing, that only happens in sports or competition! We let ourselves be defeated in our mind first! Then we worry about what they are saying, or what could have been or what they will remember! Once you choose to lose the battle in your mind, that’s when it’s all over. That’s when bad thoughts creep in, that’s when you stop getting back up off the mat, that’s when it’s all over. Trust someone who has put them self thru hell and back at 41. Trust someone who has lost and had things slip thru his hands that damn near broke him. Trust someone who has had to sit and watch others get his opportunities because of the choices he made! Trust me it hurts, trust me that it sucks and trust me that it’s not over! Hold on, make it happen, figure out a new plan or a new way to attack it and promise a guy whose still at the bottom fighting just like you this. That you’ll fIght, you’ll comeback swinging or you will go down swinging, but either way, you’ll give them something to remember!

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Did We Sell Are Soul To The Devil In The Process?

The process surely wasn’t supposed to be like that. It’s the left, it’s the right, it’s a senator from Zona, it’s Mrs. Collins whose constituents will handle that! I want to talk about change, I want to talk about how I was a screw up and figured it all out and cane up with a new plan! I want to quit hearing the voices about what I did, I want them to see the comeback! Any old mother fucker can run their mouth and talk about it, we all have lips! Speaking of lips, ladies I have a question for you! Your lips look just fine, why would you inject your lips with that shit? Why would you dress like that too while we are at it? You know that you are just asking for it stupid, in my Brett Kavanaugh voice! America I have a question for you! How can he be a judge, when he couldn’t handle being judged, when his own back yard wasn’t clean! Be careful young men, I have a warning for you, it’s a dangerous time for you! My voice echoing in the background mocking sexual assault victims! Hey, here’s a novel fucking idea! There’s a few girlfriends who weren’t happy in the end, but not one of them would say I laid a hand on or sexually assaulted them! I may have a head with no fucking screws in it but I know right from wrong, so do all you shit bags out there defending your actions! To all you kids out there, I am involved with kids and bring a kid can be brutal enough! In the end, fat, someone having less than you or looking or having different circumstances than you won’t matter! What will matter will be when you look back on it all. And at 41 I look back on it all now and think how could I have done some of the things I’ve done and how the  fuck did I ever let it go down like this. So cut them some slack, include them, be a kid and let them be a kid. I had two pretty good parents! A lot of kids unfortunately don’t have one, doesn’t matter if their in Jordan’s or ten-dollar off the rack at Wal-mart shoes, we are all fucking people man. And man, I sure feel that we have lost track of that somewhere along the line! And now I fear we have been toeing this line a little too long and somehow in this whole process, I feel like the devil one! But the devil will tell you himself, that the devil is in the details. He doesn’t have to be there, we put him there, so your move my friend!

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Wait, What Was That Senator?

I tend to lean right, but this just isn’t right, the highest court in the land! Did she just really say the people the victim accuses said they weren’t there or they couldn’t remember? Well no shit senator Collins, did you expect them all to jump up at once with their hands in the air saying I did it? Wouldn’t that shit be great, I’m sure it’s old Soros’s fault or the Easter Bunny, naw, it’s ususlly all about interests and money! I could go on and on about the politics, but I’m trying to raise a two-year old daughter and I’m losing the battle with her mother. And the screaming and name calling have turned into a senate confirmation hearing and I’m just not sure we like each other anymore! I look into those two year old eyes and it’s so hard to give up the fight, but every single day all we do is fight. I used to see an end and some sort of light, but lately these days it’s just dark as night! These thoughts that are in my head, well I know there not right, but I’m tired of the lies and crap. Built it all on shit and now as you face the final collapse, you grab your lungs for air, but all you do is gasp, what a sight you’ve become! And now all that’s left to come, is the questions about how you turned out to be a bum. Whispers saying look at him now, we thought he’d be so much more and no more time and bad thoughts are all you have left. You played with the devil in the margins and you missed that the devil was in the details. And now looking back at forty-one it’s thoae details that get you. Get you late at night and don’t let you sleep. Get you every waking second of every day, telling you it’s over. Telling you this is where your story ends and this is what you have let yourself become. No comeback, just game over, thanks for playing, you could have and should have tried harder! I guess that’s what gets me the most, is the effort I put in. I question the effort we as a country have put in and I wonder how much longer we can let things slide? I knew I wasn’t that guy, until I was. Maybe you aren’t where you want too be, but be better than yesterday, because one day, even at 41, you can have your day, and that can change anything!

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Me Too, The Left, The Right And Brett Kavanaugh Ain’t Right!

If it’s the left then Soros must be behind it and if it’s the right it is big business and in the end can’t we all just agree that this guy is a scumbag! I believe in God, but I don’t need you to pray for me anymore, but I do need this to stop. Too many people trying to play God and too much evidence in front of our own eyes to nominate a man to the one of the highest honors in the land. How is he supposed to judge with integrity, when he clearly has none. It would be like being the president of the united states of America and mocking a victim of sexual assault! Something I said perhaps? Strike a nerve did it? About fucking time that somebody said it, next you’re going to be like someone close to me and tell me it was her fault because she dressed that way! Its her fault because she dressed that way, he is a scumbag for kneeling and I hate that he does and my grandfather took a bullet for this country. But part of that bullet was as much as I don’t like it so he could kneel if he wanted too and he sure as hell took for a woman or mans right too wear what they want. When did we become the middle east and start judging people for what they wear? Not taking shots at anyones culture or religion, simply just saying in other parts of the world they don’t enjoy the freedoms I do. I pray to God they say Kava Naw! As in no thanks, we don’t need some Yale frat boy who has got away with it his whole life on the supreme court making decisions that he has shown he isn’t capable of making. I guess I got on a little rant there, but when did we let all of this become okay. When did we roll the clock back a hundred years and start acting like less than we can be. We are at a time more than any other time in history where what we do will actually matter. Not the continual process of doing the same thing over and over again, but actual change. We see what we the people have created and since we created the beast, we are the ones that have to deal with it. Before it, deals with us like it has been for a long time now. At some point don’t we have to focus on fixing things more than Russia, Trumps taxes or any of this other bullshit? we have two more years to deal with this shit, seems like most those rich corporate types scam the tax system, the rich get richer and sure Russia is dirty, but we have to many problems two years later to be worrying about what Russia did. He’s in the White House and he has been there for over two years now. Short of murdering or raping somebody on camera, he is going to be there like it or not. So lets spin are wheels, lets vote Kavanaugh in even though it feels like a sin and then let’s go on about are day with our daily grin and try to remember a better time when…..

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When The Walls

Life is out of our control! That’s okay, it’s how we respond and what we do! It’s okay not to be okay, but some days,  the walls start closing in. Some things in life are out of our control, not all things, I should correct myself. Start taking care of now, the things that you can control. Because when the walls start closing in, when the walls start stumbling, crumbling down Mr. Mellencamp, it can be a dicey situation. They start telling you that it is over, you start listening this time. They put you on a timeline that I’m not even sure God could pull of with the state of the shit show I have put on for so many years I am embarrassed to mention it. Those walls start telling you that  what’s against you is better than you and you just keep doing the same damn thing proving those walls right. You find yourself getting mad and fighting about the same fucking things over and over again, the walls just laugh and close a little bit further in. Saying things like you are better than this and you are past this and making yourself believe anything you can to not admit that you’re not dealing with, but yet still dancing with the demons of your past. We all have one, we drove past it,  we used to live right past it, just past the store hang a right and just dance with your past long enough and the walls win. Watching the walls win too much lately, watching people die from drug overdoses, watching things taking over this world that don’t seem to be in are favor. Watching the walls closing in on us everyday and the  mother fucker in North Korea  is supposedly making more nukes and the dumbass in the White House is worried about Lebron? I hate the kneeling for the flag, my grandfather took a bullet for this country, but taking shots at a guy who seems to get that he’s fortunate to have all that money from basketball and is giving back?!? That’s what you are worried about? Its suffocating right now, the walls are not closing in, they have all but fucking closed and that’s a wrap. I was told today I didn’t matter, I was told today I wasn’t good enough, I had it shoved in my face and I had some of the most important things in the world to me taken away. Today is the day that the walls win. So the  only thing to do is burn this bitch to the ground and start over, walls were made to come down, and even if we lose a battle here or there, it will happen. Don’t lose sight of winning the war, because that wall that’s closing in that you are fighting. Let me tell you a little secret about it, that it doesn’t want you to know. You built it, therefore you are its worst enemy and you are the one who can bring that wall down, you and only you….

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Funny How We All Have Demons!

The how could he or she do that with judging eyes, when our demon is just a different animal! An animal we can’t undrestand as much as they can’t understabd ours! And I guess the lesson to be learned there is this. A whole lot of understanding has to start going on! Understanding The Who, what the where and the why. We need answers, not news coverage after the fact asking why, we need to deal with the why ahead of time, before we run out of time. We have Trump paying off playmates and sucking off Putin and it’s funny how that’s the least of are problems. And the problem is, demons can be fun, dancing with demons can be exciting. We say we want to put our demons in the past, but yet we keep chasing the past. We don’t block that number so a midnight text comes in even though we know we should. Or worse, one to many and we are the one sending the text. I think as Mr. President has shown, we all step in it at some point. The point is, unlike the president, don’t keep stepping in it. Because demons can be fun, but dancing with demons can be dangerous and deadly. It can cost you years of your life that you now look back on at forty. In others cases, it cost them their life, so what point is there in understanding if you’re going to keep letting the demons win? At some point your payoff comes out. At some point you run out of lies to cover the lies you told and at some point. It is just you facing the demon you created eye to eye, one last battle, one last chance to decide who wins and loses!

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