Life Won, Me Zero

Fear, and what it can convince you of! What if lies don’t cover up the past, what if they cover up the present! They turn us inside out, and force themselves to the surface! What once was, can never stay the same, no matter how much we wish it could and that’s the bottom line. And now because of the way I have chosen to live my life and the lies I have had to tell to cover it up, life won and me zero. Used to never worry about it, as kids say these days, Zero fucks! That was at twenty, then forty showed up knocking on my door a year ago and I looked back on twenty years and thought, Life won, me zero. Life hit hard  and like I tell the high school kids I coach, you have to get back up no matter how hard the hit. Funny how you talk that shit, but yet you chose to lay down for so long because it was easier. Easier to let someone else deal with it, easier to let someone else take your hit and you just ducked and ran. And now its all falling apart, now the score is life won and  me zero. And I get it should be one, if you don’t get what I’m doing here I doubt ill be able to slow it down for you. The thing that scares me about that zero, is it my score or is it what I have let myself become? At least I have that part figured out, I got myself in to this mess and I sure as fuck will get myself out of it. But its the cops fault or the teachers fault or it isn’t my kids fault, I have to say life won for sure, because it seems like all the fuck we do is make excuses for it. It isn’t my fault, Shaggy had a song about it, “it wasn’t me,” well Shaggy, it may not have been you, but at this point I kind of think that we are all on the hook. So let me tell you a little something that you probably already know. Sometimes its going to be you zero and life one. Sometimes you can make all the excuses that you want, sometimes life takes things from you that just isn’t fair. Sometimes we have questions that only the God I believe in if he exists has answers for and hell, maybe even he doesn’t. Man has free will, man has choices and man I am  tired of the score being life won, me zero……..

Advertisements
Standard

When The Walls

Life is out of our control! That’s okay, it’s how we respond and what we do! It’s okay not to be okay, but some days,  the walls start closing in. Some things in life are out of our control, not all things, I should correct myself. Start taking care of now, the things that you can control. Because when the walls start closing in, when the walls start stumbling, crumbling down Mr. Mellencamp, it can be a dicey situation. They start telling you that it is over, you start listening this time. They put you on a timeline that I’m not even sure God could pull of with the state of the shit show I have put on for so many years I am embarrassed to mention it. Those walls start telling you that  what’s against you is better than you and you just keep doing the same damn thing proving those walls right. You find yourself getting mad and fighting about the same fucking things over and over again, the walls just laugh and close a little bit further in. Saying things like you are better than this and you are past this and making yourself believe anything you can to not admit that you’re not dealing with, but yet still dancing with the demons of your past. We all have one, we drove past it,  we used to live right past it, just past the store hang a right and just dance with your past long enough and the walls win. Watching the walls win too much lately, watching people die from drug overdoses, watching things taking over this world that don’t seem to be in are favor. Watching the walls closing in on us everyday and the  mother fucker in North Korea  is supposedly making more nukes and the dumbass in the White House is worried about Lebron? I hate the kneeling for the flag, my grandfather took a bullet for this country, but taking shots at a guy who seems to get that he’s fortunate to have all that money from basketball and is giving back?!? That’s what you are worried about? Its suffocating right now, the walls are not closing in, they have all but fucking closed and that’s a wrap. I was told today I didn’t matter, I was told today I wasn’t good enough, I had it shoved in my face and I had some of the most important things in the world to me taken away. Today is the day that the walls win. So the  only thing to do is burn this bitch to the ground and start over, walls were made to come down, and even if we lose a battle here or there, it will happen. Don’t lose sight of winning the war, because that wall that’s closing in that you are fighting. Let me tell you a little secret about it, that it doesn’t want you to know. You built it, therefore you are its worst enemy and you are the one who can bring that wall down, you and only you….

Standard

To those who won’t be coming home tonight!

For those in the pacific time zone who just left for work at 5:30 and kissed their families goodbye one last time. Yeah, this one is for you. Crazy and scary to think about right? Crazier, what if it’s me? What if I only get forty years? What will they say? Is that scarier than dying? Because if it happened today, what they’d say, well it wouldn’t be to pretty! Would they talk about the good? The kids at my gym I gave shoes too. The two kids at my gym whose family I made sure had thanksgiving when I could barely eat myself! The countless hours I have volunteered coaching high school kids and the difference I made? Or would they talk about how it’s all made up? Have I become the guy who had so much potential, but look at him now! Yeah I hear it, some call them critics, I call them fans, I hear what they’re saying. I can’t believe he blew it, I can’t believe he let it go down like this, what a waste! For those of you not coming home tonight, is what they’re saying true? See their saying that it’s over, stick a fork in them no point. But some of us will come home tonight, some of us have to be the change for those who won’t come home tonight! I believe in God, and I won’t go there! Trying to understand why I get to piss this life away and my closest loses his daughter at 6? All those questions we want to ask the big guy in the sky if he is there and yet no answers! So I’ll leave you with this, this Thursday morning, do the best you can do. Always say I love you and never go to bed angry, the journey is too damn short. “ don’t go looking for the reason, don’t go asking Jesus why, we’re not meant to know the answers, they belong to the by and by.” To those of us who will come home tonight, let’s not keep letting it pass us by and by! We only get one ride, so from here on out I’m going to live it like I’m Aldean. I’m going to figure out a way to make it happen, their sure gonna know we were here as the song says, because one day, we will be that person who isn’t coming home!

Standard

Funny How We All Have Demons!

The how could he or she do that with judging eyes, when our demon is just a different animal! An animal we can’t undrestand as much as they can’t understabd ours! And I guess the lesson to be learned there is this. A whole lot of understanding has to start going on! Understanding The Who, what the where and the why. We need answers, not news coverage after the fact asking why, we need to deal with the why ahead of time, before we run out of time. We have Trump paying off playmates and sucking off Putin and it’s funny how that’s the least of are problems. And the problem is, demons can be fun, dancing with demons can be exciting. We say we want to put our demons in the past, but yet we keep chasing the past. We don’t block that number so a midnight text comes in even though we know we should. Or worse, one to many and we are the one sending the text. I think as Mr. President has shown, we all step in it at some point. The point is, unlike the president, don’t keep stepping in it. Because demons can be fun, but dancing with demons can be dangerous and deadly. It can cost you years of your life that you now look back on at forty. In others cases, it cost them their life, so what point is there in understanding if you’re going to keep letting the demons win? At some point your payoff comes out. At some point you run out of lies to cover the lies you told and at some point. It is just you facing the demon you created eye to eye, one last battle, one last chance to decide who wins and loses!

Standard

Thanks Black People!

You just had to get a black guy in the White House! Even then, you couldn’t get that right, the dudes mom was white! Thanks for screwing it up for the rest of us though as usual! It’s called the WHITE House for a reason and y’all go bringing in some black dude who makes rich white people lose their mind and look what we have now! Yeah, I bet y’all feel bad, you should In my Donald Trump voice! Don’t blame the idiots who voted for him like me, I wanted a real candidate next time! My apologies, I didn’t think it would ever get this bad, now back to blaming black people! It works right? Now don’t get me wrong, some of this shit that’s going on is over the top, but I’m glad I’m white not black Michael Jackson, because let’s be honest. Look at the poverty and crime numbers, look at the income and job numbers and it comes down to the haves and have nots! That folks, we can’t keep blaming on black people, that is all are problem folks! Too many standing on street corners with signs trying to eat. A drug epidemic overcoming our country because there’s no money in a cure. There’s a whole shit ton of money in selling it and prosecuting it though, that’s for sure! And that’s the problem, doesn’t matter if it’s curing cancer or crack addiction, no money in the cure! No money in paying livable wages and building affordable housing, they’re tearing down a historic theater in Seattle where I live for a highrise! Build higher, build bigger, build more, add this and that to make it more expensive! I want this and give me that and at what point does our greed get us? Boy, this was so much easier to write in the beginning when all I had to worry about was thanking black people!👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Standard

He Was Playing Stormy Daniels!

Putin was giving it to him, like he gave it to Stormy all jacked up on Viagra! His wife stands by and doesn’t say a word! How did we get here! Where a president says he TRUSTS Russian intel over our own and then backtracks the next day! Seems kind of gay if you ask me. Oops, u did it again Brittany Spears, can’t saw words like that! Problem is, that we’ve let words like faggot, nigger and that’s gay become okay and all too common! It’s laughed off, it’s laughed off, because that is who we have let ourselves become! I voted for the man how about that. But our president being the butt of all jokes and the laughing it off can only go so far! How far though? Did we ever think we would let it come to this? Spare me the Obama and Democrat bullshit, because I voted for him too. Our differences divide, funny how are differences are what created these Divided States of America. We didn’t like what Britain was doing, so we made a choice to fight back and do something different! At least they knew what they were fighting for, we the people seem to fight and worry about everything that doesn’t matter! There’s a storm coming, it can wipe us out, or we can ride that bitch to somewhere better. We will live and die here, we have fought about religion and differences for centuries, I wonder what would happen if we all started to give a fuck and let the god I believe in if he’s there to do the judgement when judgement day comes!

Standard

Ace Of Spades, Laying Down The Final Trump Card!

So it clearly isn’t just for the drug addicts and people who are broke and facing insurmountable odds. Chester from Linkin Park, Kate Spade and Mr Bourdain may you all rest in peace weren’t broken for sure. Didn’t seem like drug addicts,  but you never know, you never know what and what doesn’t make a person happy. Whats that saying? “What good is it to gain the whole world and lose your soul?” I feel in the end we are losing ourselves, why do we have to be tough? Why is it not okay to not be okay? why do we persecute, and say things like its life just handle it. That works for some people, some people handle life and in the end like the three people I just mentioned, life somehow ends up handling them. How we handle things going forward will say a lot about us as a country and as a world. While bad things seem to be happening all over the world, school shootings at two a clip a month is only happening in one civilized nation. That’s right, send them to school, somewhere they are supposed to learn and feel safe. Does anybody feel safe anymore? I see why someone could make the choice that the three I mentioned did, this world is an ugly place. An ugly place that we the people and the rest of the world have created, and now what is left are choices. Its time to stop arguing about what happened and do something before it happens again. While we are looking to the left at what just happened, over on the right we are missing what is happening now. We are a step behind in the process and now it feels like we have become the process. Who knows, we all can be vulnerable to it. We all can have a little too much to drink and make a bad choice, we all can be depressed and in the moment and see no way forward. That saying you never know until you walk a mile in someone’s shoes is one of the truest ever. Has it ever crossed my mind at my worst moments when I saw no way out, for sure. But what turns a thought into an action? The action part I could just never take, but am I just lying to myself? Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain? They had means that they earned, they didn’t want for anything material, they seemed to be happy and enjoying life and yet here I am typing about them. Two weeks ago if I had dropped those names and said suicide, how many of you would have laughed? Right, you can be the richest person in the world, with the prettiest girl and not have a want or need and in the end you need more than you know. I don’t know why people lay down the final Trump card, may you all rest in peace and may we start finding answers instead of these never-ending questions!

Standard