Faggot, nigger, terrorist, loser, drugie, now we have a show about it, “Snap Decision.” You make decisions about people based solely on their looks! Looks like we may have missed a few things! How long will we let hate win? How long will we look the other way? How were United States colleges thinking about hosting people who promote hate? I’ll go back to what my high school marketing teacher told me, still holds true today. Any publicity is good publicity! Sad but true, shock and awe, hate boils to the top, any good is buried in the last thirty seconds of the newscast let’s just be honest folks and we created this. We created this with are could give a fuck attitude, “what we let be, will be.” Those moments when it starts getting harder and harder to look in the mirror. The time you wasted has collided with record wildfires and record hurricanes and record murder rates and people marching for hate in the streets and a President kind of brushing it off! What the fuck happened to us here America? Not saying other countries aren’t bad, that is for sure, but I thought we were supposed to be better than that. Hate 1, love 0 and as I said, it sure seems like these days hate is winning a lot more. Feels like a lot of things that shouldn’t be winning are winning, I know that goes with me and my demons for sure. I know better, it has caught up with me and will catch up with me again, but outrunning demons that have wings sometimes doesn’t work so well. Cant blame anybody when you know better in the first place and do it anyway. Its like when you are a kid and they tell you not to do it and of course you have to just find out how stupid it is yourself. “Ask forgiveness before I ask permission”, love that line in Brantley Gilberts new song. Well, time to wrap this one up, Hate 1, Us 0 and where we go and who wins next is up to US……..
It was going to be like this! I was going to do this or I was going to be with that person. I was going to make that happen and mom was going to see those grandkids from her only child before she dies. I had all that time to go golfing with gramps, his mom lived to 104! But cancer decides different for him at 84! It was supposed to be different as I count down the hours not years now to forty! God forgive me for my sins and for what I did! I knew better and now all the voices in my mind say over and over again it was supposed to be. You were supposed to be better, people were counting on you and now your just wasting your time. Counting down the days in your mind, demons 1, you 0! I keep coming back to I! Unlike my government, nobody to blame, conclusive evidence that I am the perpetrator of this shit show and what a show! And what I fear now you ask? Will I get a chance to fix any of it! I hear things like Harvey, Irma and Jose, names that are changing the landscape! Storms of a magnitude that we have never seen before! Everywhere seems to be on fire and now the biggest earthquake in a century in Mexico, anybody else going wtf? United States heroin deaths jump 533% since 2003, yeah you read that right! Equifax selling off stock before revealing somebody is now probably selling your information! Guess what was supposed to be is a moot point, what we do about it now is the point! Hate lives, hate is winning, North Korea hates us and we hate them! Whites hate blacks, blacks hate whites and both are marching, blacks are marching against hate! Everybody seems to hate the cops, Michael Bennett of my Seahawks could be lying? Could we all be lying to ourselves that this is okay? Or have we turned a blind eye for so long and made it okay? I guess what’s supposed to be, will be…..
Sorry Michael Stipe, I don’t feel fine and I doubt you do! Listen to the song, maybe a little Billy Joel “we didn’t start the fire”! Oh wait, my bad, we kind of did! Well boy, the mother fucker sure got hot in a hurry didn’t it Drake! Zero too a hundred jigga real quick as the song would go! Harvey, followed by Irma, followed by white supremacists, followed by half the country on fire and sure is hard to feel fine about it all! I don’t mean to go all God and end of days, but is anybody else going wtf? Things are happening right now that have never happened in history, there is not much left of Houston and my question is what will be left of Miami? What will be left of any of us if dumb and dumber don’t stop playing nuclear chicken? It’s not just what we do from here on out, it’s what we’ve done…..
I keep doing this dance with my past Sam Smith, and these nights never seem to go too bed. I ask why I’m so emotional, as Sam goes on to say, “it’s not a good look, gain some self-control.” Weeks not years now away from forty, and I would have laughed at you at 20, if you told me the shit show was going to go down like this. My past I have refused to let go of has stayed with me. Now I find myself playing a dangerous game of still living for what was! As Brantley Gilbert’s “stone cold sober” plays in the background I realize one thing. Stuck in the mud, living the same nightmare year in and year out. Seeing it coming and doing nothing about it but bitch. No action taken, all victim over here, how did this happen too me. Maybe not victim, as much as I hate it, I own what I did, what other choice do I have? No high, no bottle, no only one thing fixes this, and it’s between my ears! The one thing I’ve never been able to trust my whole life, myself! How scary and sad is that to say? This is how I feel right now! “Tell them all I’m on vacation, say I went to visit friends! That you ain’t heard or seen from me in quite a while, when they ask you were I’ve been! Tell them I’m out on the west coast where it don’t ever rain, and I’m probably doing fine. Just don’t tell them I’ve gone crazy, that I’m still strung out over you!” A past I can’t or refuse to make peace with, mistakes in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear, yeah today it feels like I’ve gone crazy…..
How many likes has become more important than basic humanity. While you were liking and loving some picture of your friend doing something stupid, that dude over in North Korea started fucking with the leader of the free world. What the hell does that mean anyway? I’m all for supporting the men who died for this country and my grandfather took a bullet for this country, but shit is getting out of hand. But we are more worried about our like count from people we haven’t seen in twenty years or for that matter never met in real life. Meanwhile, back over here in the real world, two clowns are playing a nuclear name calling game. I don’t care who has to have the bigger dick, he’s Asian, so probably the Donald, yep, going to hell for that. Sorry Asian people, I have Asian friends, or I have black friends, what every white person says after they’ve said something dumb. Got a little off track there, my bad. My point was, while you are worried about a like from Derrick in your hometown who you’ve never met, names probably Larry and it gets worse from there. These to clowns are on the verge of sending us to the point of no return! What if I am wrong about this God guy and there is no Heaven and this is all we get? I’d prefer that it wasn’t at three weeks before forty with a whole shit storm left to fix. I’d prefer to go out making the ones I should have made proud of me a long time ago, proud of me for once. I’d like to go out swinging, wouldn’t you? Not because two dudes let their egos get in the way and started arming nukes. Don’t get me wrong, North Korea is poking the stick, we all can see that, but there has to be a better way. We have to be better, we let hate in and look at what just happened. I was raised a certain way and it wasn’t in favor of gay people, but I grew up, I may never be at a gay pride parade, but lets live our lives and let God do the judging if there is any judging to be done. Fear is what took down the Romans who took down Jesus, fear of what they didn’t know. So instead of understanding they killed him and then that whole thing about the stone and what not, yeah whoops. Fear will end us, fear of color, fear of police, fear of nukes, fear of drinking your water, FEAR! So, yeah a lot went on while you were busy Facebooking…….
Tick, toc, finding it harder to make my way here and do this. Finding it harder to make a lot of things happen these days, it’s easier to tune it all out. It is easier to assume that it is what it is and let it all go to hell. I mean can you imagine our leader and a crazy man playing nuclear chicken? Or some guy I don’t even have words for running people over at a hate rally! We gave all these assholes the power and I now like everyone else am going wtf. How does the president not denounce what went down in Charlottesville? Anybody? No takers on that one huh? A lot of the ugly truths about the world we live in are starting to pop to the surface. I’ll be the first to admit I voted for the ass clown in office, I figured he would be so bad it would force real change, my bad America, its worse than I thought. The time we are wasting tweeting away will pass us by and we will never get it back. Some asshole will walk into a mall with a gun, some dick will drive into a crowd of people, some idiot somewhere will always do it, you can bet the farm on that. Stupid and hate will always be out there, always have been and always will be, WE the people are the only thing that can change it. Baffled, a woman accuses of domestic violence, has the physical proof of it happening and she is attacked. Maybe it happened and maybe it didn’t, we live in a he said she said world. A world where O.J. can manipulate a glove to fit his hand wrong and get away with murder. A world where people can’t eat, but we will pay athletes over 200 million dollars to play a fucking sport. Don’t you dare take away my football or ill cut a mother fucker! Ya get it now? We care more about what doesn’t matter than what does and while you were snapchating and Facebooking away, the world and that time was passing you by.
Jay-Z and Linkin Park Encore plays in the background. All I can think about two months away from forty is my encore, my final act! This Facebook thing reminds me on the daily of how time flies and just how much of it I let slip through my hands! The things I was going to do that I never got around to. The people who I was sure were going to be there in the end and I look around now, and well! Well and what if and no answers for their questions is all I have left! “What the hell are you waiting for”, it’s what the song keeps playing over and over again, like a brain freeze in my head I just can’t shake! “Tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface! Don’t know what you expected of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes!” I put this pressure on myself, “every step that I take is just another mistake to you, every second I waste has become more than I can bear!” And now what I can’t bare, is looking in the mirror and not recognize what the fuck I have let myself become! The power to change it all, but then I start thinking about the time that flys by and I see my life going bye, bye and yup, you guessed it bye! You wonder if it will ever happen. But all the strength to push back, all the screaming you have in your lungs, time wins, time after time. And the it’s time or the day has come or the now over never stuff that keeps going through my head, is just that, in my head! If I could ever figure how to get it the fuck out of my head, what the fuck I might be able to do! But now all I have is nights and wishes that I would havw done this and blah, blah and yup, one more blah!