And boy let me tell you when you do, all hell breaks loose my friends! When the picture comes through and it’s three butts and your girls in the middle and you pick left, let me tell you what happens to your world! You can’t back pedal out of it, it’s like when you make a decision in life, you have to live with the consequences there are no take backs! Life changes, people you thought you’d ride or die with until the end, don’t end up being there in the end! Who you count on and who you should count on turn out to be different things in the end! In the end, pick the right butt and things go easier, tell the truth and you have less shit to remember! Life is hard enough, why make it any harder than it has to be? I have made it harder and I have paid for it dearly with the things it has cost me to and the things I have lost! Not because they wanted to go away, the sinking ship I am gave them no choice! Like those poor dogs over in China, boy I’d like to shoot some of those pathetic mother fuckers in the head! Like the rich bitch who gave the homeless guy shit tonight! Yeah most of the time they do it to themselves, but kicking someone when they’re down does what? But it’s what we’re taught, to be better, to talk shit when we hit a three pointer, to stand over a quarterback like a punk after the sack! Guess it was my bad thinking we were all better than that, or maybe we just think we are. But who are you when nobody is looking? We all have secrets, some darker than others! There will come a point where you will have to do things that you never thought possible, there will come a time where you have a choice! Where you choose to let this continue or you choose to win. You get out of bed you don’t lay there, you make life your bitch instead of the other way around. You realize what you did and who you hurt and you grow up and realize you owe them, hell you owe yourself! A time when the payment for the borrowed time you’ve been living on comes do, and what will you do? Whatever you do, make sure you pick the right butt!
Who do you believe in? 2pac would go on to say I put my faith in God. What happens when God can’t do anything about it, because your motives are all wrong and what’s motivating you is wrong. You ever feel like you have no fucking idea what you are doing half the time? I feel like I am chasing my own tail and one minute I’m here, the next minute I am there and I’m mad about something but I don’t know what! You live like that and you live holding on to the ghosts of your past and what you did Taylor Swift. And now it isn’t bad blood, but a bad taste left in your mouth that you’re still too unwilling to do anything about. You see, that’s the motivation. That kicked in the mouth, down and out moment when you have that bad taste in your mouth and YOU DECIDE you’ve had enough! No mommy saying it’s okay, no raw raw coach bullshit oh you can do it, no the moment you start to dust yourself off and come back for more, the moment when you make friends with the bad taste. When you laugh at what is against you and you laugh when you hear what they are saying about you, because all that matters is this time you put on your beats, tune it all out and get down to business! So what’s your motivation????
It was hard to look at, and the more I look around the more I don’t want to see that everyday there seems to be more of them. I had too, you do you and I’ll do me, but he had a dog so I just had too! He didn’t look rough, he looked on deaths doorstep and he was probably ten years younger than I. Twenty seven years old we will say and I don’t know the how or why, but it usually comes down to choices! I don’t know if it was the heat or drugs or whatever it was, but the dude looked horrible and could barely breathe, I mean literally barely breathe. He was sucking for air like a 90-year-old life long smoker who has cancer. How does it get that bad? Most importantly I made a decision that second that I would never waste another day and I would never smoke weed again. A wasted life I’ve decided is the worst thing of all, you only get one shot and I’ve to this day pissed what seems like just about everyday away. You’re going to get your heart-broken, probably more than once, but don’t let it break for too long. Some of the closest people you think you’ll never lose, you will lose, some of those same people you thought could never hurt you will hurt you the most. And most importantly, fuck me man, time is the enemy and moves faster than you think!
“I can’t keep them all straight, do we mean what we say? We got lines crossed all over the place!” You cross some lines and no matter how badly you want to, you can’t cross back over and now what! All of these games we play, and in the moment I realized it might ne game over I might have lost and January is coming whether I want it to or not! It’s like the games we play Luke Bryan turned into bad blood Taylor Swift, and now it is so sad to think about the good times, because shit just got real! Best line I’ve heard in a long time was for sure Taylor for sure! “You live like that and you live with ghosts! Ghosts that I don’t know if I am chasing or are chasing me! This I do know, it isn’t a choice anymore, all the bullshit ends now! How many times have I looked in the mirror and said that and then continued down the same dead-end path? I’d start counting, but we’d be here for a while and as you can kind of tell, I’ve already got some wasted time on my hands! The time will not come, it flat-out has come and gone! There’s no more time to think about changing or commuting to the situation, my life ends or begins today! When I wake up as T.I. says the old me must be dead and gone or what’s left of me will be dead and gone and there will be no games to play! It will be game, set and match and GAME OVER!
It’s all about how you respond, react or act. Carrying yesterday into today will take you ten steps back. I told one of the kids I coach today who was carrying how badly he played the day before into today to get over it! Then I thought, why the hell should he listen to you? Oh wait that’s right, you’re thirty-seven years old and spent all of your thirties carrying what you did into the next day and farther! Now you’re in so deep you’re scrambling to figure out which way is up and which way will get you out! Now you’re out of options and now more than ever what you did doesnt matter, what you do right now this very second is all that matters and figuring out how to make your last chance happen! The world isn’t fair, the world isn’t kind and I realized something today talking to our starting point guard, a kid who just gets it. He’s at the gym at 6:15 taking jumpers, he goes to class, goes to summer football practice and summer basketball practice right after, his days are shot. But he realizes what life is about. It’s about doing what the other guy won’t, it’s about wanting it more! It’s the time you put in that nobody sees and I have a whole hell of a lot of it to put in! So you worry about what us did and I’ll worry about what I have to do!
Its what professional football player Chris Long said after a night of being homeless! I have found my biggest problem with my massive A,D.D. is I can’t focus or pay attention to shit for more than five seconds, I’m all over the fucking place man. Just noticed I started this off with a pro football playing homeless for a night and then derailed it in five seconds! Id love to laugh, but the shit isn’t funny, the shit had become my life. You can sustain this if you so choose, but the path to nowhere will take you the same place a dead end sign will. I just can’t look away anymore as Chris Long said, or what I have caused, and now what I have caused is the cause of everything that is wrong with my life.