Still living for what was!

I keep doing this dance with my past Sam Smith, and these nights never seem to go too bed. I ask why I’m so emotional, as Sam goes on to say, “it’s not a good look, gain some self-control.” Weeks not years now away from forty, and I would have laughed at you at 20, if you told me the shit show was going to go down like this. My past I have refused to let go of has stayed with me. Now I find myself playing a dangerous game of still living for what was! As Brantley Gilbert’s “stone cold sober” plays in the background I realize one thing. Stuck in the mud, living the same nightmare year in and year out. Seeing it coming and doing nothing about it but bitch. No action taken, all victim over here, how did this happen too me. Maybe not victim, as much as I hate it, I own what I did, what other choice do I have? No high, no bottle, no only one thing fixes this, and it’s between my ears! The one thing I’ve never been able to trust my whole life, myself! How scary and sad is that to say? This is how I feel right now! “Tell them all I’m on vacation, say I went to visit friends! That you ain’t heard or seen from me in quite a while, when they ask you were I’ve been! Tell them I’m out on the west coast where it don’t ever rain, and I’m probably doing fine. Just don’t tell them I’ve gone crazy, that I’m still strung out over you!” A past I can’t or refuse to make peace with, mistakes in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear, yeah today it feels like I’ve gone crazy…..

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Facebooked

How many likes has become more important than basic humanity. While you were liking and loving some picture of your friend doing something stupid, that dude over in North Korea started fucking with the leader of the free world. What the hell does that mean anyway? I’m all for supporting the men who died for this country and my grandfather took  a bullet for  this country, but shit is getting out of hand. But we are more worried about our like count from people we haven’t seen in twenty years or for that matter never met in real life. Meanwhile, back over here in the real world, two clowns are playing a nuclear name calling game. I don’t care who  has to have the bigger dick, he’s Asian, so probably the Donald, yep, going to hell for that. Sorry Asian people, I have Asian friends, or I have black friends,  what every white person says after they’ve said something dumb. Got a little off track there, my bad. My point was, while you are worried about a like from Derrick in your hometown who you’ve never met,  names  probably Larry and it gets worse from there. These to clowns are on the verge of sending us to the point of no return! What if I am wrong about this God guy and there is no Heaven and this is all we get? I’d prefer that it wasn’t at three weeks before forty with a whole shit storm left to fix. I’d prefer to go out  making the ones I should have made proud of me a long time ago, proud of me for once. I’d like to go out swinging, wouldn’t you? Not because two dudes let their egos get in the way and started arming nukes. Don’t get me wrong, North Korea is poking the stick, we all can see that, but there has to be a better way. We have to be better, we let hate in and look at what just happened. I was raised  a certain way and it wasn’t in favor of gay people, but I grew up, I may never be at a gay pride parade, but lets live our lives and let God do the judging if there is any judging to be done. Fear is what took down the Romans who took down Jesus, fear of what they didn’t know. So instead of understanding they killed him and then that whole thing about the stone and what not, yeah whoops. Fear will end us, fear of color, fear of police, fear of nukes, fear of  drinking your water, FEAR! So, yeah a lot went on while you were busy Facebooking…….

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Waiting On The Time To Pass You By!

Tick, toc, finding it harder to  make my way here and do  this. Finding it harder  to make a lot of things happen these days,  it’s easier to tune it all out. It is easier to assume that it is what it is and let it all go to hell. I mean can you imagine our leader and a crazy man playing nuclear chicken? Or some guy I don’t even have words for running people over at a hate rally! We gave all these  assholes the power and I now like everyone else am going wtf. How does the  president not denounce what went down in Charlottesville? Anybody? No takers on that one huh? A lot of  the ugly truths about the world we live in are starting to pop to the surface. I’ll be the first to admit I voted for the ass clown in office, I figured he would be so bad it would force real change, my bad America, its  worse than I thought. The time we are wasting tweeting  away will pass us by and we will never get it back. Some asshole will walk into a mall with a gun, some dick will drive into a crowd of people, some idiot somewhere will always do it, you can bet the farm on that. Stupid and hate will always be out there, always have been and always will be, WE the people are the only thing that can change it. Baffled, a woman accuses of domestic violence, has the  physical proof of  it happening  and she is attacked. Maybe it happened and  maybe it didn’t, we live in a he said she said world. A world where O.J. can manipulate a glove to fit his hand wrong and get away with murder. A world where people can’t eat, but we will pay athletes over 200 million dollars to play a fucking sport. Don’t you dare take away my football or ill cut a mother fucker! Ya get it now? We care more about what doesn’t matter than what does and while you were snapchating and Facebooking away, the world and that time was passing you by.

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