When you really start to get past it, it stops weighing on you as much as it did and your life stops revolving around it. When you are not happy with your choices and the past you have made, but you realize you are okay with it and that it is actually okay. When it doesn bury you and destroy you like it used to and you see it for what it was, not a failure, but a lesson. A lesson that showed you what you were worth, what you were capable of, learn from it this time. Because you are starting to come out of it, it isn’t getting easier stupid, you are getting stronger, you are starting to become who you are supposed to be, a step back now would be devastating. So fuck it and leave it there, look at all the momentum you have built, see all the possibilities in front of you, see God or life saving you from what could have happened and make this shit happen. Yeah it is and amazing feeling when you finally start coming out of it, when you realize what you are capable of, when you start realizing you forgot a few things. You forgot you had that fire inside you, and while it may have been dim for a while, it never burnt out and watch it catch fire now. Keep going back to this, “A tree can make a million matchsticks, but it only takes one matchstick to burn down a forest!” You are more powerful than you think, you have more ability than you ever thought you did, it begins and ends with you and you are the most powerful thing on this planet, know that. Dont think it, don’t wonder about it, know that shit in your head and in your heart! Yeah it is about to happen for me, I can feel it in my bones, in my blood and in my heart! It can happen for you too, the best feeling in the world is when you finally start coming out of it, realize you survived and that you are going to be okay! From there, the world is in the palm of your hands, because you have done something a lot of people can’t, you survived!
“I’ve been chewed up, spit out and booed of stage.” He would go on to say, “best believe somebody’s paying the pied piper, all the pain inside, amplified, by the fact that I can’t get by with my 9-5!” I guess it wasnt really all that bad at all you pathetic mother fucker. How many out their right now can’t get by with their 9-5? At least I am surviving, I am not a single mom working two jobs who never gets to see her kid and still at the end of the month is scrambling to make it work. Yeah mother fucker you got dropped on your ass, boo fucking hoo you, people got real problems. There is a town in Iraq 20,000 people that ISIS is in the process of trying to wipe of the planet like it never existed. This isn’t Hitler with the Jews folks 70 plus years ago, this is now, 2014! Yeah I was playing before, I am angry now, the mood has changed and shits about to change. Now that I pulled my head out of my ass and quit licking my wounds and feeling bad for myself, I figured out, it wasnt that big of a mess at all, I had moves to make right in front of me, the walls were put up by me. I was so busy finding excuses and reason after reason why it wasnt my fault and why it was done to me, that I didn’t see I was doing it to myself. I don’t have to go home to, two kids who are hungry and I am dong the best I can and it isn’t good enough! People go home to that every night. People are dying of terrible curable diseases all over this planet everyday because of money and politics and people just saying that is the way it is! Fuck that I’m not playing anymore, it was fun to play in the begging and yeah I met a few girls had some great sex, did some drugs and partied it up! But the party ends and the mood begins to change and you either stay there and bury yourself or you do something about it! You look at something like the Grand Canyon and while it is amazing, the water that created it was even more amazing and powerful, my point? You can change the mood, you can beat it and you still have time to do something about it. Just because your problems look as big as the Grand Canyon staring you in the face, remember there is something more powerful out there. That something more powerful out there? Oh yeah, that would be you!
I’m so fucking pissed at myself, I could spit nails! Shit happens to everybody, and yet again shit happened to me and here I go again like it is the fucking end of the world and it is all over, when it is just the begging if that’s what I choose. It isn’t even funny anymore, I was replaced by a chump, I am better than the entire situation and yet I want to run to it instead of run into the future, back to the future is a movie, that shit don’t work on the planet earth! I can’t understand why I continually choose to hit rewind, I know comfortable has to do something with it, but life starts at the end of your comfort zone I have heard said over and over again! Fuck it, it is time to have some fun with this bitch, I don’t know how much longer I have left and this being miserable just aint getting it anymore! Are you fucking kidding me man, I have spent so much time worried about what doesnt matter, that I am not sure I even know what does matter anymore. Like you tell so many lies that you start believing those mother fuckers yourself type of thing! I had it all, or maybe I had nothing, but what I did have is gone and what I did do is done, so you have got to be fucking kidding me, I have actually chosen to lay down here and let it end like this? Naw I got plans, I got dreams to make happen and I got people to pay back, most of all? I got people’s heads to turn, because I did it this time and they said one thing and did the other and gave up on me and all they will be able to do is look and say wow look at how well he is doing and just smile and say thanks and I hope you are doing well too. Yeah that bitter and ugly angry losing self-control Sam Smith doesn’t work, he is right it is not a good look. But not being mad about it, not caring about it anymore and wishing them the best when they see you at your best, yeah bet your ass that night when they go home and try to sleep, they will be thinking about one thing! We all fall, we all break and we all have moments as T.I. said, where we think it is the worst day of our life, that shit happens to all of us, come on man, are you fucking kidding me, life hits us all! But do we hit back with a comeback, do we see the set up instead of the set back? You see the set back is running back to it, the set up was God or life moving you on from it, so you would have to be fucking kidding me if you can’t see that. Writting has been there for a while on the wall, but you can ignore something right in front of your face if you don’t want to see it and the truth hurts, fuck sometimes it kills! It is time to see the set up, the way out and the finish line friends, this shit is no way to live and this mother fucker is about to get burnt to the ground!
I could damn near time it to the second, the way my days go lately. Tonight I stepped up and did the right thing, but what the fuck does that matter when you have been doing the wrong thing for three months, because three, check that almost four months ago you were done wrong! I never learn, like clockwork the same shit keeps going down and I keep wondering why, all I can fucking do at this point is laugh at myself. What I could have and what I could be in a month is so much more thatn what I am wishing I had, not because I want it, but because it did me so wrong, like I have something to prove to it or something. Sometimes you get shit on, you move on, because if you get shit on again in the same situaiton, that makes you a true American idiot for sure! I think the saying I saw and I dont know who said it, but “dont get burned by the same flame twice! Already have, and yet I am longing to be burned a third time apparently, check yourself before you wreck yourself Ice Cube, that shit doenst make no sense man!
“I am not concerned with your falling, all I am concerned about is that you will rise.” Abe Lincoln! When you are called on, when it is your time, when you have a chance to make it all happen, we all have a moment, will you rise? Can you once and for all save yourself from yourself and walk the fuck back in this time who you should be? If you can’t, all that is left is to walk away with your tail between your legs! There is a line in a song, sorry can’t remember the name, but the chorus goes, can you hear me calling, can you hear mer calling you. It goes on to say something about our children rising up while we stood still. Someone has to rise up, we all fall, we all get our heart ripped out and stomped on and we all think why us and this isn’t fair and that shit happens to everybody, so give me another excuse, better yet, what the fuck are you running from? Because if it is from yourself, it is a race that you will never win, your like a dog chasing his tail, not so lethal and definitely and idiot. Better stand tall when they are calling you out, every other time you have been called out before you have caved and collapsed and stayed there wounded, looking for somebody to feel bad for you! This time wounded and running wont get it, this time you have to back it up, this time you will have to rise above all the bullshit that you have created. Because nobody cares about your falling, there only concern is with your getting back up and getting in the game. How are you going to ever win the game, if you’re not in it? And outside of Usain Bolt, very few people make a good career out of running, so why don’t you knock that shit off too while you’re at it!
I used to think love and hate were the most powerful four letter words in the world, I am realizing again, just like before, I am wrong. Fear is the most powerful thing in the world. Fear of a divorce will cause a spouse to kill another spouse. Fear of being exposed will cause people to commit murder. Fear of the unknown will keep you in the same place as I have been, and fear of yourself and what you have become and might become is whats running through my mind tonight! Fear has stayed with me for far to long, it has caused me to give up on myself, it has caused me to piss away everything, literally everything that mattered. I gave up, I quit trying, I kept just expecting that moment that might never happen to happen and now moments that I should be having are passing me by. Nobody wants to hear you bitch, at some point in all our lives, we all go through it, it’s getting through it and not standing in place because of fear that matters. It is making a way when there isn’t one, it is being more afraid of what will happen if you don’t do it, then if you do. It is finding yourself in those moments of weakness that should tear you apart and kill you, that you find a way to come back from, that is what it is about. Not fear, not giving up or what you did or was done to you, it’s about the comeback. It’s about losing your way, like we all do, burying yourself so deep, you don’t think you will ever see the day you get out of the hole and then you do! Nobody cares what you did, people care what you do after it, how did you respond, how did you take the hit. Did you send a million texts about why it wasnt your fault and act like a little bitch? Or do you accept it and take care of business and fix yourself? That is the difference between Men and Boys and Woman and Girls, it is that simple. How you react to the hit, everybody gets hit, as I said before, the hit you are taking now, somebody else is taking too, so dont think you’re the only one, just because it feels like it. Quit hitting rewind, that shit only works on t.v.s, it doesnt work in life and retracing steps that didn’t work the first time, hmm you tell me how the fuck it is going to work out the second time. Most of all fuck fear, you weren’t as bad as you thought you were and remember who did what, so when it all falls in place, you will know who was and who wasnt there. Life comes down to facing fear and hitting back, what you do when your down matters more than anything else you will do in your entire life!
Lethal are our thoughts, which tell us we aren’t as powerful as we are! That 120 pound dopey lab will send a coke can across the room with that tail if I leave it in the wrong place! I was just wondering something, I guess I have a question. Have you ever done something you thought there was no way you could do? Have you found that power? Last night as four coyotes closed in on my friends little dog, that big dopey dog who doesn’t have a mean bone in his body and has never been in a fight in his life, you know what he did? I didn’t know he had it in him, but four animals who hunt for their food to survive, ran like it was a Forrest fire coming at them. At first I was sure they were baiting him, but my eyes weren’t deceiving me, they weren’t baiting him, they were running for their lives! Sometimes it takes that moment when we are pushed a little farther than we think we can go to figure out what were really made of! We can choose to be lethal towards what is against us or we can choose to be lethal towards are future! What lies within you, the human heart, not money, not stuff, position, power or greed can trump it, it is the most powerful thing in the world. Follow your heart, trust yourself and make a move, because if your only lethal when wagging, you become and American idiot, and we’ve already got plenty of those!