And by Thing, I mean that shit on his head, tough to beat The Weekend out for worst hair in America. Congratulations dickwad, you are finally up to the task at hand, “a little bit harder than you thought!” Tough when daddy can’t give you a million dollar loan and bail you out of it this time! But hold on to your cash, seems like you might be the one needing bail money soon! Funny how my problems don’t seem so big in reality, no chemical attack, wasn’t bombed at a concert, sex trafficked or molested! I wasn’t a lot of things, but what I was, was a failure by choice! Survived Coke binges that would make Charlie Sheen and his Warlock cringe! A car wreck that most wouldn’t survive! Collapsed lungs that I made far worse with cigs and weed, women I have lied to and destroyed because I wanted to, but couldn’t get my shit together! But the thing is, somehow I’m still here, somehow payback is coming! Not that shove it in their face payback everyone is looking for these days! No, the kind of payback that happens when you do what the say you couldn’t, when you show them that they wrote you off just a little too soon! The best payback isn’t in the words you seek, it’s in the actions you take when all they can do is watch and the words have become a moot point! You can be written off at any second, or you can write a new ending, you can do a lot of things! You can be that mind 2Pac talks about that changes the world! You can be the guy or girl who says enough is enough and starts a movement that changes things like MLK! You can be the voice of reason in the middle of all the madness! But the one thing you can’t do! You can’t do these things sitting on your ass here doing it the same way…..
Not talking about the circus 46 has created, talking about the life I created that is undoing me. Captain of the ship here, looking around for someone to blame, but its slim Pickens. It all comes down to the I did this and I have to find a way out of this. Nowhere else to skirt the blame, nothing left to hide behind, all you did is out there in the open. Out there, for everyone to see, out there, nowhere to run this time! And in the end running, doesn’t buy you, but just costs you time you’ll never get back! I took a second today and looked around at it all. All the bullshit and devastation my actions have cost. I saw it this morning when my mother was having a diabetic reaction ano had a blood sugar of 38. I saw it in my 90-year-old grandmothers face with the Kelsey Balerini song “Peter Pan” playing in my head. I just saw it a half hour ago in the face of my father who doesn’t even have words anymore. Worse, I don’t have any words to defend it anymore and even less action. What’s that saying, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? And know all that matters is results I don’t have, he said he was going to do this or I thought he was doing this and now he’s as worthless as the homeless guy on the side of the street! Choices is the only word that resonates in my head now, moves that were made and moves that should have been made! Now what’s left you ask? Just the fucking bed that I’ve made! So as the curtain drops on this shit show, I have to be honest. No Twitter rants, no, it’s this that or Comey’s fault, this shit show begins and ends with me. You can talk about it, or BE about it they say, whoever they are, they’re right!
Maybe not escape me, but haunt me. Loser, why, look at him, I’ll be there 100% they mock you with as if your word means nothing! Run your fucking mouths now, how quickly people forget what you did for them, how quickly they fuck you in the ass! I know I’m my problem, I know who did this, but fingers point and words fly and it’s my fault you made the fucking choices you did? It’s my fault I did a shit ton of blow and I survived and the guy next to me didn’t! Suppose it’s my fault I survived that accident I had a 15% chance of surviving too! My worthless ass doesn’t deserve it for sure, take him, not the 6-year-old girl one of my closest lost a few years ago! If only life worked that way. If only we could go back and change the parts we don’t like, instead of standing in place dwelling on it! Sometimes that God has a bigger plan shit and it will get better is hard to see and even harder to believe. Curtain has all but dropped on this shit show, all that’s left is my encore performance! My last shot to prove that the mess lefty lying here on the floor that I have become isn’t where it ends. A chance to write a different ending, a chance to end it! A chance to show them that they were wrong, a chance not to shove it in their face, but a chance to make a move and gave redemption! A chance after you blew it all to come back, a chance that none of them think you have, because the words escape them too. But in all the mess you’ve become, they don’t see what you see. You swam with sharks that stabbed you in the back and tried to eat you alive, still here! You ripped yourself limb from limb chasing it and it beat you to the ground, but didn’t beat you, still here! The see that the moment has passed, you see yourself in it with a shot to make the move! See, the words may escape you, but don’t let the moment escape you…..
He was 20 years old, his name was Jimmy Kramer, he went camping over Memorial Day weekend to celebrate turning 20! Not even old enough to drink, but old enough to get run down because he was native! Gone, and if I am wrong about their being that God guy, that’s all he gets! For what? I saw the images as did you, of what happened when chemical bombs dropped on Syrian children. Saw the devastation of a coward bomber at a concert in England. Hate, fear and not wanting to understand each other, sound like end of days to you? They feared Jesus because they didn’t understand him if you believe like I do and it destroyed them! I’m not saying take the Bible literally, I’ll be the first to say I hate the judgementalness of religion, but if you believe, there is some truth to it! Now the guy in my White House turns to Twitter, Bombs and poking the stick every chance that he gets, because he just doesn’t get it. I wanted this chaos, I wanted change, I voted Trump, but fear fills me now. Fear in the words of Angela Merkel’s voice when she says you can’t trust us. Fear about Russia, fear about North Korea, fear of the assholes we put in power who are doing nothing to fix the problem with their idle threats! And yet nobody is paying attention to the real threat! Black, white, purple or pink, time is the real threat and the real enemy! Most likely 20 years or so from now, Trumps in the ground and I just wonder what his four years will leave us! One nation, under God, built out of war, the backs of black slaves and swindling the Indians! It sure is a great day to be alive and white….
Facebook stalking and holding on for dear life that there is something left. Something left leads to seven hours of drinking and screaming and yelling and running before the cops show up. Why do we always fuck with a past that is bad for us? We know better, or so we say we do. I guess we say a lot of things, we do a lot of things and WE write our own stories! We do our own deeds and we suffer or sometimes others suffer the consequences for our choices. The last 18 years have gone by in a blur of bad choices, addiction and things lost that almost broke me. Now, I don’t even know if there is enough of me left too break. Less sure now as I approach 40 of what I want then I have ever been in my life. Confused about how I could let it all pass by as if I could give a fuck less like some asshole bleached affliction asshole! These demons we let get into our bloodstream make us or destroy us. Do you dance with them? Or do they dance on the ashes that have become what is left of our lives. This is how it ends, Facebook stalking hoping for miracles, sitting on your ass social media wasted just waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if? What if you made the move instead of having one made against you. You find out some of the most solid people you know are going through it just like you. The guy with the doctorate who is without a doubt one of the best people you know falling apart in front of you. Choices, thought he wanted out of a relationship so he made a move he now regrets at thirty. Tricky thing is trying to go back, as I said see that drunken running from the cops mess Monday night I was talking about! The rich friend who is spending every dime to look that way. The friend who posts, “who wouldn’t want to go to the beach after work!” Then privately texts, “I’m miserable, I have nobody and he moved me to California to isolate me!” Live it, try to love it, try not to waste 18 years as you’ll learn you 65-year old diabetic mother won’t age well. The dog you used to love walking who carried you through some of the worst times will start to shut it down. You’ll grow up, the ones at 10 won’t be the ones at 20! The ones at 20 won’t be the ones at 40, you’ll be hurt by and lose some people you never thought you would and sometimes you’ll just grow or move apart! Life’s too short for Facebook stalking and bleached assholes, speaking of bleached assholes, how you doing these days Donald? Continue reading
To chemical attacks over Syria? To the peace in the Middle East we were going to have after we got rid of Saddam and Bin Laden? To the state of the world today! The biggest ass clown in history that I voted for, controlling the most powerful nation! A testament to making America Great Again? Going to take whole lot more for that to happen then a catchy slogan! But apparently you can ride that catchy slogan and some sketchy email accounts all the way to the White House! Is that a testament to us, or had bad shot has really gotten? Two woman, Palin was a joke and Billary lost to a joke, “you didn’t realize it was going to be this hard?” At least Bush had an excuse to not have a clue, no President has had to deal with a 9/11! This clown pushing Russia and China, uh boom you idiot! Syria doesn’t scare me, I feel bad for those people, and let’s face this fact! North Korea knows better, we would turn him into Kim Jung Dead! Our biggest enemy at any level is us! I can’t, our mind defeats us first, they’re better than me. I’ll never be able to do this, letting our words get in the way and control are thoughts! How about a testament to being better, not having those moments where we slip and then try to justify it! Don’t lie, don’t slip up, and Lear to fly!
Whether in the form of chocolatey goodness or the form of Donald Trump, ding dong’s are just not healthy! I don’t understand any of it anymore, what I’ve personally done to fuck up my life and what we have done as a country to come too this point. I voted for Captain spray tan for fuck sake and it really came down to me thinking he might be the lesser of two evils. And now the whole fucking mess just seems evil, does it matter what we do it all? Will it change anything? Maybe I am Christian and wasn’t raised pro gay, but is it really my right to judge? Is God going to judge me for saying that? I think in the end we should leave the judging up to God if he does exist, because nobody it seems, has a clean backyard! “I’ve been reading books of old, the legends and the myths. Achilles and his gold, Hercules and gifts and Spiderman’s control and Batman with his fists, AND CLEARLY I don’t see my name up on that list. But its come to the point that ding dong’s are just so unhealthy. This lifestyle has become so unhealthy and toxic, the world has become so unhealthy and toxic. With the ding dong’s running it and everyone running around trying to protect their interests, chemical kids in Syria and its okay, Russia will block it. China changing its tune on North Korea? Does anybody believe that shit? George Straight had a song about ocean front property in Arizona I believe. Greed, simple human monetary greed, greed will get us in the end……