How many likes has become more important than basic humanity. While you were liking and loving some picture of your friend doing something stupid, that dude over in North Korea started fucking with the leader of the free world. What the hell does that mean anyway? I’m all for supporting the men who died for this country and my grandfather took a bullet for this country, but shit is getting out of hand. But we are more worried about our like count from people we haven’t seen in twenty years or for that matter never met in real life. Meanwhile, back over here in the real world, two clowns are playing a nuclear name calling game. I don’t care who has to have the bigger dick, he’s Asian, so probably the Donald, yep, going to hell for that. Sorry Asian people, I have Asian friends, or I have black friends, what every white person says after they’ve said something dumb. Got a little off track there, my bad. My point was, while you are worried about a like from Derrick in your hometown who you’ve never met, names probably Larry and it gets worse from there. These to clowns are on the verge of sending us to the point of no return! What if I am wrong about this God guy and there is no Heaven and this is all we get? I’d prefer that it wasn’t at three weeks before forty with a whole shit storm left to fix. I’d prefer to go out making the ones I should have made proud of me a long time ago, proud of me for once. I’d like to go out swinging, wouldn’t you? Not because two dudes let their egos get in the way and started arming nukes. Don’t get me wrong, North Korea is poking the stick, we all can see that, but there has to be a better way. We have to be better, we let hate in and look at what just happened. I was raised a certain way and it wasn’t in favor of gay people, but I grew up, I may never be at a gay pride parade, but lets live our lives and let God do the judging if there is any judging to be done. Fear is what took down the Romans who took down Jesus, fear of what they didn’t know. So instead of understanding they killed him and then that whole thing about the stone and what not, yeah whoops. Fear will end us, fear of color, fear of police, fear of nukes, fear of drinking your water, FEAR! So, yeah a lot went on while you were busy Facebooking…….
Tick, toc, finding it harder to make my way here and do this. Finding it harder to make a lot of things happen these days, it’s easier to tune it all out. It is easier to assume that it is what it is and let it all go to hell. I mean can you imagine our leader and a crazy man playing nuclear chicken? Or some guy I don’t even have words for running people over at a hate rally! We gave all these assholes the power and I now like everyone else am going wtf. How does the president not denounce what went down in Charlottesville? Anybody? No takers on that one huh? A lot of the ugly truths about the world we live in are starting to pop to the surface. I’ll be the first to admit I voted for the ass clown in office, I figured he would be so bad it would force real change, my bad America, its worse than I thought. The time we are wasting tweeting away will pass us by and we will never get it back. Some asshole will walk into a mall with a gun, some dick will drive into a crowd of people, some idiot somewhere will always do it, you can bet the farm on that. Stupid and hate will always be out there, always have been and always will be, WE the people are the only thing that can change it. Baffled, a woman accuses of domestic violence, has the physical proof of it happening and she is attacked. Maybe it happened and maybe it didn’t, we live in a he said she said world. A world where O.J. can manipulate a glove to fit his hand wrong and get away with murder. A world where people can’t eat, but we will pay athletes over 200 million dollars to play a fucking sport. Don’t you dare take away my football or ill cut a mother fucker! Ya get it now? We care more about what doesn’t matter than what does and while you were snapchating and Facebooking away, the world and that time was passing you by.
And by Thing, I mean that shit on his head, tough to beat The Weekend out for worst hair in America. Congratulations dickwad, you are finally up to the task at hand, “a little bit harder than you thought!” Tough when daddy can’t give you a million dollar loan and bail you out of it this time! But hold on to your cash, seems like you might be the one needing bail money soon! Funny how my problems don’t seem so big in reality, no chemical attack, wasn’t bombed at a concert, sex trafficked or molested! I wasn’t a lot of things, but what I was, was a failure by choice! Survived Coke binges that would make Charlie Sheen and his Warlock cringe! A car wreck that most wouldn’t survive! Collapsed lungs that I made far worse with cigs and weed, women I have lied to and destroyed because I wanted to, but couldn’t get my shit together! But the thing is, somehow I’m still here, somehow payback is coming! Not that shove it in their face payback everyone is looking for these days! No, the kind of payback that happens when you do what the say you couldn’t, when you show them that they wrote you off just a little too soon! The best payback isn’t in the words you seek, it’s in the actions you take when all they can do is watch and the words have become a moot point! You can be written off at any second, or you can write a new ending, you can do a lot of things! You can be that mind 2Pac talks about that changes the world! You can be the guy or girl who says enough is enough and starts a movement that changes things like MLK! You can be the voice of reason in the middle of all the madness! But the one thing you can’t do! You can’t do these things sitting on your ass here doing it the same way…..
Not talking about the circus 46 has created, talking about the life I created that is undoing me. Captain of the ship here, looking around for someone to blame, but its slim Pickens. It all comes down to the I did this and I have to find a way out of this. Nowhere else to skirt the blame, nothing left to hide behind, all you did is out there in the open. Out there, for everyone to see, out there, nowhere to run this time! And in the end running, doesn’t buy you, but just costs you time you’ll never get back! I took a second today and looked around at it all. All the bullshit and devastation my actions have cost. I saw it this morning when my mother was having a diabetic reaction ano had a blood sugar of 38. I saw it in my 90-year-old grandmothers face with the Kelsey Balerini song “Peter Pan” playing in my head. I just saw it a half hour ago in the face of my father who doesn’t even have words anymore. Worse, I don’t have any words to defend it anymore and even less action. What’s that saying, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? And know all that matters is results I don’t have, he said he was going to do this or I thought he was doing this and now he’s as worthless as the homeless guy on the side of the street! Choices is the only word that resonates in my head now, moves that were made and moves that should have been made! Now what’s left you ask? Just the fucking bed that I’ve made! So as the curtain drops on this shit show, I have to be honest. No Twitter rants, no, it’s this that or Comey’s fault, this shit show begins and ends with me. You can talk about it, or BE about it they say, whoever they are, they’re right!
Maybe not escape me, but haunt me. Loser, why, look at him, I’ll be there 100% they mock you with as if your word means nothing! Run your fucking mouths now, how quickly people forget what you did for them, how quickly they fuck you in the ass! I know I’m my problem, I know who did this, but fingers point and words fly and it’s my fault you made the fucking choices you did? It’s my fault I did a shit ton of blow and I survived and the guy next to me didn’t! Suppose it’s my fault I survived that accident I had a 15% chance of surviving too! My worthless ass doesn’t deserve it for sure, take him, not the 6-year-old girl one of my closest lost a few years ago! If only life worked that way. If only we could go back and change the parts we don’t like, instead of standing in place dwelling on it! Sometimes that God has a bigger plan shit and it will get better is hard to see and even harder to believe. Curtain has all but dropped on this shit show, all that’s left is my encore performance! My last shot to prove that the mess lefty lying here on the floor that I have become isn’t where it ends. A chance to write a different ending, a chance to end it! A chance to show them that they were wrong, a chance not to shove it in their face, but a chance to make a move and gave redemption! A chance after you blew it all to come back, a chance that none of them think you have, because the words escape them too. But in all the mess you’ve become, they don’t see what you see. You swam with sharks that stabbed you in the back and tried to eat you alive, still here! You ripped yourself limb from limb chasing it and it beat you to the ground, but didn’t beat you, still here! The see that the moment has passed, you see yourself in it with a shot to make the move! See, the words may escape you, but don’t let the moment escape you…..
He was 20 years old, his name was Jimmy Kramer, he went camping over Memorial Day weekend to celebrate turning 20! Not even old enough to drink, but old enough to get run down because he was native! Gone, and if I am wrong about their being that God guy, that’s all he gets! For what? I saw the images as did you, of what happened when chemical bombs dropped on Syrian children. Saw the devastation of a coward bomber at a concert in England. Hate, fear and not wanting to understand each other, sound like end of days to you? They feared Jesus because they didn’t understand him if you believe like I do and it destroyed them! I’m not saying take the Bible literally, I’ll be the first to say I hate the judgementalness of religion, but if you believe, there is some truth to it! Now the guy in my White House turns to Twitter, Bombs and poking the stick every chance that he gets, because he just doesn’t get it. I wanted this chaos, I wanted change, I voted Trump, but fear fills me now. Fear in the words of Angela Merkel’s voice when she says you can’t trust us. Fear about Russia, fear about North Korea, fear of the assholes we put in power who are doing nothing to fix the problem with their idle threats! And yet nobody is paying attention to the real threat! Black, white, purple or pink, time is the real threat and the real enemy! Most likely 20 years or so from now, Trumps in the ground and I just wonder what his four years will leave us! One nation, under God, built out of war, the backs of black slaves and swindling the Indians! It sure is a great day to be alive and white….
Facebook stalking and holding on for dear life that there is something left. Something left leads to seven hours of drinking and screaming and yelling and running before the cops show up. Why do we always fuck with a past that is bad for us? We know better, or so we say we do. I guess we say a lot of things, we do a lot of things and WE write our own stories! We do our own deeds and we suffer or sometimes others suffer the consequences for our choices. The last 18 years have gone by in a blur of bad choices, addiction and things lost that almost broke me. Now, I don’t even know if there is enough of me left too break. Less sure now as I approach 40 of what I want then I have ever been in my life. Confused about how I could let it all pass by as if I could give a fuck less like some asshole bleached affliction asshole! These demons we let get into our bloodstream make us or destroy us. Do you dance with them? Or do they dance on the ashes that have become what is left of our lives. This is how it ends, Facebook stalking hoping for miracles, sitting on your ass social media wasted just waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if? What if you made the move instead of having one made against you. You find out some of the most solid people you know are going through it just like you. The guy with the doctorate who is without a doubt one of the best people you know falling apart in front of you. Choices, thought he wanted out of a relationship so he made a move he now regrets at thirty. Tricky thing is trying to go back, as I said see that drunken running from the cops mess Monday night I was talking about! The rich friend who is spending every dime to look that way. The friend who posts, “who wouldn’t want to go to the beach after work!” Then privately texts, “I’m miserable, I have nobody and he moved me to California to isolate me!” Live it, try to love it, try not to waste 18 years as you’ll learn you 65-year old diabetic mother won’t age well. The dog you used to love walking who carried you through some of the worst times will start to shut it down. You’ll grow up, the ones at 10 won’t be the ones at 20! The ones at 20 won’t be the ones at 40, you’ll be hurt by and lose some people you never thought you would and sometimes you’ll just grow or move apart! Life’s too short for Facebook stalking and bleached assholes, speaking of bleached assholes, how you doing these days Donald? Continue reading