I Remember!

It started with the seizures and then took his sight and smell, the brain tumor that is! I remember holding him in my arms when I had to put him down at seven, I remember the pain, the tears and the heartache, I remember it all like it was yesterday! One of the worst days of my life, and spare me the it’s just a dog line, he was my kid and here how about this! “From time to time people tell me it’s just a dog, or that’s a lot of money to spend on a dog. They don’t understand the distance traveled, time spent, or costs involved for “Just a dog.” Some of my proudest moments have come about with “Just a dog.” Many hours have passed with my only company being “Just a dog,” and not once have I felt slighted. Some of my saddest moments were brought about by “Just a dog.” In those days of darkness, the gentle touch of “Just a dog” provided comfort and purpose to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it’s “Just a dog,” you will probably understand phrases like “just a friend,” “just a sunrise,” or “just a promise.” “Just a dog” brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. “Just a dog” brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person. Because of “Just a dog” I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

For me and folks like me, it’s not “Just a dog.” It’s an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment. “Just a dog”brings out what’s good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday people can understand it’s not “Just the dog.” It’s the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being “Just a man” or “Just a woman.”

So the next time you hear the phrase “Just a dog,” smile, because they “just don’t understand.” Life is a funny little bitch my friends, it isn’t just a dog, it’s so much more than that! Live every second like a dog playing with his buddies in the park because those seconds run out and this story unfortunately doesn’t have a happy ending, this ain’t hollywood! I knew a kid on our teams dad had cancer, I didn’t know his bones were breaking and he had a month to live! The next post is gonna hurt, so if you ain’t got it in you, then I’d pass it over! And I gotta quit saying ain’t and gotta, I sound like I work at Wal-Mart!!

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Go To Heaven A Shouting!

The rest of the verse says “go rest high on that mountain, son your work on Earth is done.” Hug them, let them know, as I listen to the Father talk about losing his three-year old son to cancer! Yeah this St. Jude radio marathon thing has got me all messed up man! I haven’t fought like hell like Stuart Scott said, I’ve laid down like a bitch! I surrendered which is what cowards do because shit just got a little to tough and you should feel bad for them! I’ll never surrender again, no hearing about that three-year old little boy having his leg amputated and still losing his battle to cancer killed me! It may have only been for six months, but I was a father to my ex’s four-year old son and I can imagine! So today I challenge each and every one of you who is going to see this! For every three-year old like Bryan who didn’t beat cancer but fought like hell, for every kid out there who doesn’t have enough to eat and for everybody who can’t anymore because their gone, we have to fight like hell! “When you die, it doesn’t mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live!” It’s all about how you handle your business, thank you Mr. Scott for that reminder! Now If you will excuse, I got some business to take care of as do you!

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You, The Only Thing That Keeps Getting In Your Way!

For fuck sake those idiots on jersey shore pulled it off, the Kardashians, the bachelor show, idiots pull it off all the time, so why can’t I? You think it, I have the balls to say it. I wouldn’t have got choked to death on a New York City street, I’m pretty still somewhat young and white! What’s that you say? Oh hit a nerve did I? Let me tell you how many times I heard faggot, queer and nigger today, I can’t count them on my hands and toes just in case you were asking! Better behead me quick or send me to Cuba and throw away the key, because I’m saying some real shit that people don’t like! Real can get ugly, real can show us some real ugly shit that we don’t want to see! Real isn’t lived on the bachelor or Jersey Shore, real comes knocking at your door at thirty-seven ready to take care of you because instead of getting real with yourself, you decided to be a fake ass bitch! It all keeps coming back to me, I am the reason for all of this and I have to face that real ugly truth! I’ve done things to people who mattered the most that I can’t believe I fucking did! You’ll never see I’ll the pain, I’ll never let you, it hurts to bad and it has the power to end me but I’ll never show it! My backs against the wall, fuck closing in, the walls have all but crushed me, but better be careful mother fuckers, you wrote me off and slept on me and when I sneak up from behind and slit your throat, you’ll never see it coming, you’ll be looking the other way still worried about what I did……

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Shadowy Situations!

You’ll never be legit, you’ll never get what you want if you continue to let these shady situations around you continue! You can’t ever get above it, when you continue to live down and wallow in it! I keep coming back to what you accept is what will continue! But how long are you going to live down? Hide in the shadows and keep watching someone else take what’s yours? I don’t doubt it anymore, I simply can’t, I’m going to figure this out, this comeback will be one of the biggest in history, all I have to do is knock off the bullshit! This shit doesn’t work anymore my friends and spare me the proper English bit! I have promises to keep, things I want to save and still can and kids I want to have with someone who will help pick up the prices from the On my way! who destroyed me, I want to fall in love! I want to walk hand in hand on a beach, I want to kiss a baby bump, I want to argue over baby names! I want the team I’m helping coach realize their potential, their awesome kids and if they’d just put it together! I want my mom tv meet Her grand kids and I want so much, I guess the question is this. How long can I continue to let these shadowy situations continue before everything that I want is taken off the table!

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He Only Got Until He Was Five!

She knew she was going to die, she kept telling is God was sending Angels to visit her in her sleep at night! It kills me thinking about the time I have wasted when I hear those parents tell their story on the radio during the St. Jude radio marathon! There is nothing worse, and worse than losing them too soon is having to watch them suffer and not be able to do anything about it! Life’s a funny little bitch isn’t she? What if you only got five more years? I’ve wasted 16 or 17, hell whose really counting anymore at this point! Those parents would die for another day to spend with their child and I’m just letting shit slip slide away! Like I have time, like I didn’t abuse my body with drugs and alcohol, like I couldn’t go tomorrow with all the heart rate spiking supplements I take! Spend thousands or more on supplements and surgery and tanning and all this shit to make yourself look good that is killing you and what does it matter if your ugly and unhappy on the inside?? I have said game on or game over too many fucking times, it wasn’t a girl or my mommy or the world that wronged me or was against me, no I did this all by myself, but I still like Stuart Scott said have a little fight left and I’m going to fight like hell! I’m going to give everything that is against me hell and everything I got, because listening to those parents today taught me life doesn’t care! It doesn’t care if you’re five or fifty-five, it doesn’t care if you’re white or black or if you have money or don’t! He only got until five, it’s a great day to be alive, so remember that and quit pissing your time away!

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I’m Afraid I Let Myself Down!

Blah blah, let me talk some more about how bad it is for me and maybe I’ll throw a fucking boo hoo or two in there while I’m at it why not! American way right? It ain’t my fault, they did this to me and wah ya fucking baby! How does it happen, back in the day I always thought we’d be close and sometimes I think that maybe we weren’t very close at all! The suffering wasn’t necessary life changes and the people in your life change and you have to change with it, I don’t understand any of it anymore, and I don’t have the time to not understand anymore! Well full on a.d.d at 12:30 in the morning, pretty sure inlet myself down and I am pretty sure I am better than this! Pretty sure??? Fuck I better be sure, I don’t have time to be pretty sure, I don’t have time to do this, tomorrow the dream gets dusted off the closet floor! I’m tired of letting myself down and everyone around me down, from here on out this is how it’s going down! Every word I say, every time I say I’ll show I’ll make it happen or I’ll pull it off I have too! You can’t live life in the margins and ever expect to get anywhere, you won’t! Accept mediocre and you will get mediocre, end of story period! It’s time to get back up, no running from the truth, I apologize for what I did, I’m sorry for the embarrassment and I know your all saying yeah right, prove it and show us! Tine to give a little bit of it back, time to tell what’s against me what’s what, because I’ve lost every single battle, but I can still win the war. And I don’t have a choice, because there will comets day where they talk about he was and what he was as of right now is a piece of shit who let himself down!

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Truth Or ………

Are you true to yourself? Who do you believe in? What do you believe in and what matters to you?? I could go on with the pointed questions, but what would be the point?? I have gone round and round with this over and over again, you think I would have figured it out by now? There is no riddle, no why it happened or no way out as I have made it out to be! No those were all crutches and excuses I used to stay here and here sucking rucks man really bad! I want the fun back, I want the amazing girl back or maybe a new amazing one, but I look good, have friends, my M’s are looking decent, my Hawks are on the verge of repeating and my high school hoops team I’m helping out with are in the playoff hunt, but no fun is found for me! This isn’t a life, I have so much going for me, except for that one thing called a life! I got in that car wreck at 21 almost died twice and never restarted my life and at thirty-seven I’m going to need more than a jumpstart! So truth time, I played the dare game and it cost me everything, it’s time to look in the mirror and face some hard truths and answer some tough questions! How much longer can I hold on to the past before it finishes me?? And is there even a way out anymore?? Just facing some truths, wish I had the answers for them! Or maybe I do, maybe I should watch Jordan’s maybe commercial and maybe I should quit making excuses!

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