Who would of thunk it, Nike was right. Whatever it is, whatever you want or think you can’t have, you’re wrong, just do it. If it really matters whatever tries to get in the way won’t matter, because it’s not big enough to stop you. You can do anything you put your mind to man is how Eminem ends one of hois most famous songs! He’s right, you have to lose yourself in the moment, you only get one shot in this life don’t blow it the song would go on too say. Today I hit rock bottom, today I am fighting a battle at thirty-eight I can’t win. Because I don’t even think God himself knows what I want anymore! There comes a time where whatever it is you have to get down, you just have to do it! Ending this here, I can do better!
Choices, in the end that is all really life comes down too. Who chooses to hate who so we ha e wars against al-quada and now it’s ISIS and next year it will have some other catchy name. Choices to cheat, choices to lie, choices to forgive and choices to move on! One life, one shot, is it the right shot? Is my best friend right am I just scared? Like the Jason Aldean video, I’m wondering if anyone is going to know I was here or if I’m just going to go into the ground just another person who lived? I think I’ll take Mr. Aldean’s advice and leave a few stains, why the hell not? It only hurts as long as you CHOOSE to let it hurt, yeah that is a choice too my freinds! Misery loves company and misery is a choice! So is dusting yourself off, taking the lumps and choosing to do something about it!
Driving state titles what you give your time may not like it even if you do the work after the fact! All things I want to right about today as again it all falls apart around me and I must find a way to pick up the pieces and move on. My mind is a blur, my eyes watery and everything I thought was going to happen did and here I am. Same place, different year and I’m tired, so tired of having to let go of what I don’t want too. Are you giving your time to you future or blowing it in the past? My future, what I knew I wanted has no given up on me because I gave it no other choice. Part of me will heal, but part of me will remain forever broken this time without a doubt that part of me will never be fixed! Love, the driving 5 hours for it and to keep promises to kids you made promises too, state titles and time, the things your money can’t buy! You knew long ago that you were living on borrowed time and you knew what you had to do and you did nothing and became nothing. This is your fault, this was your fix and this in the end could be the end my old friend! Hello, it’s me, I’m not wondering anymore, the two me’s have collided and become this mess I see no way out of!
T.I. Is right, never mind what anyone says, this gloom and doom shits gotta. Nobody wants to be around somebody who talks about it, anybody can be that mother fucker. No you have to be about it, you can’t talk it, then talk about how broken up you’re over it because you didn’t walk it. That’s how I’ve chosen to live my life and if I hadn’t caught it at thirty-eight it almost without a doubt ended my life. I could see it in my eyes and feel it in my heart for the first time, you know what I’m talking about! That moment you have had enough and say fuck it and push back. That’s all it takes, one tiny spark could spark it all, when you push back you win! Do nothing my friends and you will become nothing as I almost did! I stopped living, I put my life on hold for so many years worrying about changing things I never could! Look forward, focus on what you can do, focus on fixing what you fucked up in the past and live your life and watch what happens! Cut out the crap, leave it there on the floor and pick yourself up, you’re capable of so much more!
I couldn’t say fucking could I? I’m starting to think in between the whining about it and feeling sorry for myself that I missed the point. It isn’t over until you say it’s over, you don’t lose until you give up. I believe in God, you believe what you want, but this I know, just because you don’t see a way, doesn’t mean there isn’t one. There’s always a way, it just comes down to how badly you want to find it! What matters to you? Better yet, who matters to you? On a day like today I found myself bitching about what might have been and still clinging to something I don’t want to lose. So don’t lose it this time stupid, figure it the fuck out now and take care of business and you may just get that Christmas miracle and get what you want! You’ll find out in moments if you can pull it off or not, the end is near I fear. And while there’s a chance, the smart money is on the beginning of the end and finding a way to forget what was and what could of been. Merry Christmas, be thankful for what you have and who you have, because today for me has come down to who I don’t have and want!
It was the goodbye video she sent with better as a memory than as your man. Not because she wanted too, because you lied and left her with no choice. She’s holding on by a thread as is your future and it’s slipping through your fingers again. Been to the theater one too many times, so I know how this shit show ends. I’ve recovered from whatever I have done in the past, but I’m not sure I can or want to recover from this one. Ouch man, this fucking hurts, of course I can sit around bitching about it, I can also do something about it, I have to, I have no choice. I could crawl back into a bottle or hey load a bowl, it’s legal where I live…. But patches are what I do best, permanent fixes to this life that I have shit canned elude me on a day that is supposed to be so happy! It’s like a Richard Marx song from my youth that keeps on playing over and over again and now I must find a way once again to let go of something I don’t want too. For only one reason, everyone will tell you what a great guy I am, I just have to get my shit together and this moment I have to be honest. I don’t want to let it go, but I feel it’s over and I know I ruined it. I have to as that James Bay song says let it go and let her move on with her life and I go be me! Take care of business, before business starts taking care of what means the most to you. You’ll realize the ten you had, after you had her. Those moments you almost ducked out on last night, could very well be your 88 year old grandmothers last Christmas! I can tell it’s over and I can tell I ruined it, what I can’t tell is where to go from here
If I had only known back then, if only, but wait I did. I chose to do what I wanted and continue down this path of self destruction. What I should of done that would of fixed everything could wait, I have time. I’ve decided that after I give up, I have time is the most lethal statement in the human language. I have time is a future killer, I have time convinces you that you really do have time. Then all of a sudden you snap back to reality at thirty-eight, and you no longer have time. Just questions as to what happened too all the time that you wasted and then you wake up in the same nightmare that you created all over again. If only back at team camp in June I would of realized it instead of just talking about it. I saw what could happen and I knew what would happen. Of course I was right either way, because in the end we are the creators of our own destiny. We are the shot callers, we are the ones who have to live with our mistakes. If only I had known, two months later a good freinds body would wash up from a boating accident right near Seaside, I might of thought twice. See, she had her shit together for the most part, she was only 4 years older than I, then I see San Bernadino, some crazy lady losing her shit and running people over in Vegas. Then I think how quick it can end and if only…..