We Defeated Roy Moore, Can We Defeat Our Own Demons!

I answer that question with a resounding no, demons 1 million, me a bit fat zero. A big fat zero in so many ways, so many chances, so many chances pissed away. Now I’m forty, getting old and my act is getting old, I’m tired and everyone’s tired of the act. When you answer questions with excuses, you only draw out the inevitable! I know how this horror story ends, I fear I have let my life turn out this way one too many times! It was okay to lie, it bought me time to fix it. Until one lie turned into 17 lies and now it would seem there is no fixing any of this shit. Twenty years, I look back now and I wonder why I did any of it. Worse, looking for the answers as to why I didn’t do anything about it and all I’m left with is what’s looking back in the mirror! And what’s looking back in the you ask? I don’t have answer or clues anymore. I used to look into those eyes looking back at me and see confidence and possibilities. Now I look and see the end! I see demons winning, I see me losing and I see this tangled web I have weaved closing in on me! Roy Moore down, the question is am I down too, or does it just appear that way? Setbacks and fall downs are sometimes set ups for the best things in our lives. So remember that if your down, remember that when they count you out and say it isn’t possible, that’s when everything becomes possible……

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What You Did! What You Were Going To Do! And Winnie The Fucking Pooh!

Sorry Winnie, through you completely under that bus, but let’s be honest, your name ends in Pooh. Apparently I wake up this morning to Mr. Lauer getting a little handsy. I’m sure just like the shoplifting Shanghai sweeties he saved, he will jump right in and say grabbing them by the pussy is okay. Okay, so let me get this straight, hold the phone Matt, bigger problem. That Korean missile thing that just happened and did the monkey in the suit really just retweet a hate group? Wtf is going on man, why no start burning crosses on the white house lawn? That one still blows my mind, the Klan is for God, but burns crosses! We the people are at a crossroads, it’s no matter now what we did to get here. Nobody cares what you were going to do about it, anybody can run their mouth. So I guess we are left with Winnie the fucking pooh. The hundred acre wood sure sounds a whole lot better than this shit show right now doesn’t it? It’s every other man in power, its Trump getting worse by the day, its North Korea, its FEAR, we have simply let fear win. They made us create a department of Homeland Security out of fear and what I fear now is that we have missed the point. We are more worried about what the dumbass in the White House will tweet next then seeing all that is going down around us. We are so worried about what we did, that we have chosen to live in the shadows and be small and let it all go down like this. We go  down with it you know that  right? This doesn’t end well unless we the people end it now. You don’t have to be American like me, I’m sure things are worse in other nations, I’m not and idiot. But we as a world have to be better and we the people of these divided states of America have to be the first change. We have to decide o be better, we can’t continue to worry about what happened or what we did or didn’t do, that is a mind game that will trap you for life I promise you that. So it really comes down to  we only have two things left. Winnie the fucking pooh and what the fuck are we going to do? Yeah, that language thing I said I was going to work on seems to be going pretty well……

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It’s Time To Consult Your Fears!

Who wins? What you are afraid of or you? Funny, what you are afraid of is failure and to this point all you have done is be a disappointment. Failure couldn’t be any worse than living another day this way. That’s the problem though, you are afraid of failure. Stay here and you aren’t exposed, take on your fear and who knows. That line that I believe is from Nelson Mandela that Samuel L. Jackson says in Coach Carter resonates with me now. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. You playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Some powerful shit right there, I have to get better with my language, coming to find that I have to get better with a lot of things. This I have decided for certain though. No longer will it continue like this, “what I allow will continue.” What I don’t allow can’t continue, fears are just this as I read somewhere once. “False Evidence Appearing Real,” True story, we are defeated by what might happen in our head, far before life ever beats us. Too many times we let what might happen keep us from what could happen. Quit living your life worrying about what might happen and could happen and just fucking make it happen. Life’s too short, what if I am wrong and there is no God and there is no Heaven? That means only two things are certain in this life, time marches on and you get a box at the end. Do you want to spend your days in fear of what might of happened, so you can talk about what you could have done? Damn, this jackass sure sounds a whole lot like me……

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Somewhere In The Middle Of These Twisted Apologies!

Twisted apologies that you use to justify it, they never have the answers you need behind them. They simply have become the same day over and over again, shits like groundhog day, no way out. No wonder why at this point, how can it change when you don’t shut the voices in your head out and keep doing the same thing over and over again? Surprised you ask? Blown away? Nope, just the same thing over and over again and now it is starting to take what I care about around me down with it. You would think action, you would think do something about it stupid wouldn’t you? You would think at some point you would get tired of these twisted apologies in your head. Spinning tales to survive and get to the next day, turns out the next day in this bullshit life I have created is worse than the day before. It can get better, or it can get worse, day one  or one day, you decide! All kinds of catchy little slogans out there to remind us that we can do better, but if you look around at the shape the world is in, we have clearly chosen no to do better. We have clearly chosen greed  and allowed men to do what they want with women. We  have clearly chosen to look the other way while ISIS rapes women and sells people into slavery in the Middle East. We have clearly chosen to let hate in and we have clearly chosen to turn are back on all of it. If they don’t have to be better, why do I have to be better?See, we got caught up in the results, instead of the effort. I coach high school sports and I tell all my athlete’s, if you think there isn’t somebody else out there trying to get better, you’ve missed the point. Greatness is made in dimly lit gyms at 5 in the morning, greatness is made when you realize somebody out there wants it as much as you do. But nobody wants to put in the work anymore, everybody just wants it handed to them and all they care about is the results in the end and in the end that will be are downfall. In all these twisted apologies in my head I realize we the people are our own worst enemy. We the people have caused this and we the people now have cause to stop this.

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Shout Out To God! We The People Will See you soon!

You were afraid of Mansions music, turns out Harvey and Kevin turned out to be a little Spacey! American beauty huh, let’s just be honest you scumbag! You came clean because you were about to get caught, funny how that works across the board! Anybody want to go to church or maybe catch an Aldean concert? I’ve got amazing floor seats! Supposed to be sensitive and sympathetic and I promise you I am! But sensitive and sympathetic and worrying about people’s feelings is what got us here! He’s connected, she wanted it, I can go on and on, but this is where we live, this is what we created! Not in our heads anymore, not able to turn a blind eye to it, wonder how it went on for so many years. Wait, you mean Harvey and Kevin kept making people a lot of money so it was okay? Gotcha, makes sense to me now. How Jerry Sandusky could go on for decades abusing people at  a school and plenty knew, but as long as the checks kept coming in and Joe Paterno kept winning everybody looked away. Keep looking away, I’d like to say that I’m sorry I let you down, but we are past the edge. Past the point, about ready to make it a moot point, I don’t want to shut the voices in my head out anymore. They are the only thing that makes sense anymore. Instead of finding a solution all we are doing is passing the buck and anymore I just can’t. It’s a terrorist and people lose their mind. Then it’s a white guy in a church, then its this about race and that about race and when do we the people realize we have a problem. It’s not a black, white, brown or whatever color you are problem, its OUR problem and we the people are charged with finding a better way, because the clowns running the show sure aren’t.  One clown is pushing a nuclear showdown with North Korea while he is all buddy, buddy behind the scenes with Mr. Putin. My last names not Ball, and my daddy isn’t famous, so if I steal some Louis’s from China are you going to help me sir. I’m guessing that you are too busy hanging out with Roy Moore, grabbing them by the pussy. Hey, its a great gig if you can get it. Dodge your military service, get daddy to bail you out with a small million dollar loan, run your business’s into the ground and file bankruptcy and then tell everyone what a great businessman you are. Again, there are far worse across the world then the mickey mouse moron we have in office, but at what point we the people? Because we the people have but two choices left. Continue and watch what happens, maybe a meeting with that big guy in the sky sooner than we thought if you believe in that kind of thing.  Or we stand up and fight! We the people have the power, we the people have the power to do something about it. We the people can stand up like Mr. King and Mr. Lincoln, when they saw something wrong. We need leaders with that kind of courage, we need people with heart and guts to stand up. They knew it wasn’t going to be popular, they knew that  it could cost them everything and it did, but they did it anyway. We the people? Or we the puppets, because WE have a choice to make….

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Those Good Old Days!

Those days when you didn’t fear a call from your parents number. Back then your mother wasn’t 65 and the diabetes wasn’t winning! Back when you were sure you had time, back when you’d never lose those people you thought would always be there. Back when you were quick with the slick answers and they managed to get you by. Back when you didn’t have to care, because as I said before, you had time! Right up until the clock struck midnight and the shoe just didn’t quite fit right Cinderella. The point where the voices in your head are the loudest thing, a constant reminder of what you’ve done! Where the days get shorter and the nights so long they never seem to go too bed. And your just left lying there with these voices in your head playing out what you could have done. Everyone says you can’t worry about the would of, should of and could of. I kind of think whoever they are that their liars, because these days the shoulda, woulda and coulda are all that run through my head! I’d like to say Trump and the state of the world has got me scared out of my mind! But the things I’ve done and the things I’ve become capable of are all that haunts my mind now. The only sure bet, the only guaranteed to beat the spread winner in this life is time. Time my friends, always wins. I long for those good old days where I thought time didn’t matter and this ride we call life would never end! That was before people were getting gunned down in malls, churches and concerts! That was before we turned things back 100 years and let hate and fear win and march in the streets! That was before, when there really were heroes! Not overpaid spoiled athletes whining about it! Not idiot owners making it worse because they called them inmates! Back when people cared and opened doors for ladies and senior citizens! I keep trying to find some good left, I see it in the eyes of the high school kids I coach, that hope, that fire I used to have. When did we let it burn out? When did we somehow make what’s going on okay in our heads? I guess the better question is, what are we going to do to stop it! Because sitting here longing for those good old days is a catchy Macklemore tune, but time marches on!!!

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The Voices In My Head Are Starting To Get Loud!

Tired of pretending this is okay, sorry I let everyone down, sorry it all went down like this. The voices keep telling me I can’t and why wouldn’t they? I’ve given them every reason to doubt me, my entire life I have given people reasons to doubt me. They kept telling me that I was going to be it, until they realized I wasn’t. So sorry I let you all down, still looking for the way out, and while ill never stop, at forty that way out seems like it is closing in on me. Seems like with each step and every word I am closing in more and more on myself. Starting to see me for what I am, don’t have the guts to say it out loud or type it, but lets just say I’m not proud. The voices in my head now pounding, telling me the choices I made and the things I did are permanent, that it can’t get better and I do nothing to make it better. All those cute little fucking memes about “day one or one day, you decide.” What if you decide the wrong way? What if you decide the wrong way for 19 years? What if I am wrong about that God guy and this is all we get? So much time wasted, starting to think that the person I let down is the person looking back in the mirror. I knew better, I know how this horror story plays out and all the clichés are true, the black guy dies, the girl with the boobs dies and here we are again at the same point. The point where it becomes day one or one day, the day where you decide that what you wasted is gone, so  make what the fuck is in front of you amazing. Their watching, their laughing, they don’t think you can do it. But they might have overlooked one thing, those moments in life happen. Those moments when we decide we are tired of the way our world is going. We are tired of guys thinking its okay to treat women like this. There are those moments where we the people decide we have had enough, when we stand up and decide to do something about it. When we make and we change history, when we realize they have us  fooled and we the people are more powerful than they will ever be. So we stepped in it America, I voted for the clown, I wanted  change, I figured it would be bad, this bad thought? Well, my bad, I’m sorry that I let you down, I wish that it had gone down any number of different ways, but here we are. And those voices in my head pushing for a change are getting louder and louder and blocking everything out. I have too sat that I kind of like it, like that punched in the mouth taste your own blood lose your mind moment. That moment you realize that the only way it happens is you have to put yourself out there, you have to risk being exposed because you weren’t perfect either, but who is? Listen to the voices, take the risk, how’s that saying go? “Well behaved women rarely make history,  so what, you did it right? Let it quit doing you and realize it was just a moment. A moment where you should have, but didn’t make a different choice, betting we have all been in that boat…

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