Those days when you didn’t fear a call from your parents number. Back then your mother wasn’t 65 and the diabetes wasn’t winning! Back when you were sure you had time, back when you’d never lose those people you thought would always be there. Back when you were quick with the slick answers and they managed to get you by. Back when you didn’t have to care, because as I said before, you had time! Right up until the clock struck midnight and the shoe just didn’t quite fit right Cinderella. The point where the voices in your head are the loudest thing, a constant reminder of what you’ve done! Where the days get shorter and the nights so long they never seem to go too bed. And your just left lying there with these voices in your head playing out what you could have done. Everyone says you can’t worry about the would of, should of and could of. I kind of think whoever they are that their liars, because these days the shoulda, woulda and coulda are all that run through my head! I’d like to say Trump and the state of the world has got me scared out of my mind! But the things I’ve done and the things I’ve become capable of are all that haunts my mind now. The only sure bet, the only guaranteed to beat the spread winner in this life is time. Time my friends, always wins. I long for those good old days where I thought time didn’t matter and this ride we call life would never end! That was before people were getting gunned down in malls, churches and concerts! That was before we turned things back 100 years and let hate and fear win and march in the streets! That was before, when there really were heroes! Not overpaid spoiled athletes whining about it! Not idiot owners making it worse because they called them inmates! Back when people cared and opened doors for ladies and senior citizens! I keep trying to find some good left, I see it in the eyes of the high school kids I coach, that hope, that fire I used to have. When did we let it burn out? When did we somehow make what’s going on okay in our heads? I guess the better question is, what are we going to do to stop it! Because sitting here longing for those good old days is a catchy Macklemore tune, but time marches on!!!
Tired of pretending this is okay, sorry I let everyone down, sorry it all went down like this. The voices keep telling me I can’t and why wouldn’t they? I’ve given them every reason to doubt me, my entire life I have given people reasons to doubt me. They kept telling me that I was going to be it, until they realized I wasn’t. So sorry I let you all down, still looking for the way out, and while ill never stop, at forty that way out seems like it is closing in on me. Seems like with each step and every word I am closing in more and more on myself. Starting to see me for what I am, don’t have the guts to say it out loud or type it, but lets just say I’m not proud. The voices in my head now pounding, telling me the choices I made and the things I did are permanent, that it can’t get better and I do nothing to make it better. All those cute little fucking memes about “day one or one day, you decide.” What if you decide the wrong way? What if you decide the wrong way for 19 years? What if I am wrong about that God guy and this is all we get? So much time wasted, starting to think that the person I let down is the person looking back in the mirror. I knew better, I know how this horror story plays out and all the clichés are true, the black guy dies, the girl with the boobs dies and here we are again at the same point. The point where it becomes day one or one day, the day where you decide that what you wasted is gone, so make what the fuck is in front of you amazing. Their watching, their laughing, they don’t think you can do it. But they might have overlooked one thing, those moments in life happen. Those moments when we decide we are tired of the way our world is going. We are tired of guys thinking its okay to treat women like this. There are those moments where we the people decide we have had enough, when we stand up and decide to do something about it. When we make and we change history, when we realize they have us fooled and we the people are more powerful than they will ever be. So we stepped in it America, I voted for the clown, I wanted change, I figured it would be bad, this bad thought? Well, my bad, I’m sorry that I let you down, I wish that it had gone down any number of different ways, but here we are. And those voices in my head pushing for a change are getting louder and louder and blocking everything out. I have too sat that I kind of like it, like that punched in the mouth taste your own blood lose your mind moment. That moment you realize that the only way it happens is you have to put yourself out there, you have to risk being exposed because you weren’t perfect either, but who is? Listen to the voices, take the risk, how’s that saying go? “Well behaved women rarely make history, so what, you did it right? Let it quit doing you and realize it was just a moment. A moment where you should have, but didn’t make a different choice, betting we have all been in that boat…
I had a hard time believing it when it came out of his mouth. “Fuck all Muslims and all Muslims are bad.” Um, confused look on my face, but hey I guess we all give the guy from the middle east on the plane a second look, lets just be honest. Probably used the word faggot and laughed about it, guilty over here. Nigga, yeah, and the justification was, its okay because it is with an A. Are you fucking kidding me right now, pretty disappointed in myself over here I have to say. When the fuck did it become okay for all of this? When did it become okay to lay down and give up and let all the bullshit win? I voted for him, I wanted a mess, I felt they both were a joke, but the jokes on me now as Trump has created one hatred under God. Too the republic, which no one understands anymore, I say this, we the people have had enough. Ignorance can no longer win, we are all entitled too our beliefs and views, but in the end the judging we do will end us and we will be judged in the end. I don’t need to go all God on you, whether you believe in him or not, look at the weather, look at the fires, look at the violence, shit sure looks like the end of days you would have to say. Hate wins and we all lose, we all have already lost. Teachers make jack, pharmaceutical reps make six figures to do what exactly? Oh pay off doctors and try to get all those warnings in quick at the end of the commercial, because let’s be honest. There is no money in the cure and money is the American way. It’s not like this one nation under God is in the middle of the worst opioid crisis ever, and in case you were wondering, the recovery rate is jack, about what a teacher makes. We have a secretary of education who doesn’t realize we are way behind other countries and is slashing left and right, It reminds me of that dipshit Bush had running Fema when Katrina hit and he didn’t have a fucking clue, kind of like this Betsy bitch. I mean I guess the real bitch in the white house is responsible for all of this. So lets write another Facebook post about it and post some more fake news about it so we can look the other way and not admit that WE THE PEOPLE, LET THIS ONE HATRED UNDER GOD HAPPEN!
It’s a line in one of my favorite artists songs, but my question is this? When do we draw the line? When do we say enough is enough? When its 100 people shot dead? When it’s a state, not the ugly stepdaughter Puerto Rico? Because like it or not, that is what these great Divided States of America have done. We have turned are back on our people, we have a successful white retired man killing at least 58 people and we have people saying it’s a country concert so it’s a bunch of white people, I bet its retaliation. In the middle of all this, I just have one question? I think we might be missing it on every level, don’t you? I posted this on Facebook today, I’d say pray for Vegas, but even a lifelong Christian like me is having problems with that. I’d say worst shooting in U.S. history, but the way we are going, I fear a worse one is coming next week. I don’t get how thirty years ago when I was ten, nothing like this happened. I don’t want to hear mental illness or ISIS , I want to know when human beings stopped caring about human beings? Letting people die in Puerto Rico, 50 plus dead at a concert, I could go an on an on. I guess my fear is, if we continue to let this go on an on, what will be left of us when hate and fear finally wins! We created homeland security out of fear. We judge people out of fear, because we choose to be afraid of their beliefs instead of understanding. FEAR will end us, fear is what ills the world today. Fear lets religious people think it is okay to judge, fear was just instilled again, want to go too an open air concert tomorrow anybody? Bet you will think twice about it now. Chaos, fear, racism, judging, the weather and the earthquakes and believe in him or not like I do, the big man in the sky might just be coming! Hell on earth in may ways is upon us, try being in certain parts of Mexico right now, try being stranded on Puerto Rico, try having a guy in the White House who doesn’t seem to give a fuck. I mean, it’s not our problem right? Wait, your telling me that Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory?!? I’ll leave you with this, close to 60 people’s families were liking and watching their updates and pictures from the Jason Aldean concert less than 24 hours ago. Now, all those pictures and updates are all they have left, because their loved one liked Jason Aldean. Black people shouldn’t get killed for no reason, nobody should get killed for no reason, hate shouldn’t march in the streets. I pledge allegiance, to the flag of The Divided States Of America, to the republic, for which I have no idea what it stands for anymore, ONE nation, under God, for liberty and justice for ALL!!!!!!!!!! We can do better America……
Faggot, nigger, terrorist, loser, drugie, now we have a show about it, “Snap Decision.” You make decisions about people based solely on their looks! Looks like we may have missed a few things! How long will we let hate win? How long will we look the other way? How were United States colleges thinking about hosting people who promote hate? I’ll go back to what my high school marketing teacher told me, still holds true today. Any publicity is good publicity! Sad but true, shock and awe, hate boils to the top, any good is buried in the last thirty seconds of the newscast let’s just be honest folks and we created this. We created this with are could give a fuck attitude, “what we let be, will be.” Those moments when it starts getting harder and harder to look in the mirror. The time you wasted has collided with record wildfires and record hurricanes and record murder rates and people marching for hate in the streets and a President kind of brushing it off! What the fuck happened to us here America? Not saying other countries aren’t bad, that is for sure, but I thought we were supposed to be better than that. Hate 1, love 0 and as I said, it sure seems like these days hate is winning a lot more. Feels like a lot of things that shouldn’t be winning are winning, I know that goes with me and my demons for sure. I know better, it has caught up with me and will catch up with me again, but outrunning demons that have wings sometimes doesn’t work so well. Cant blame anybody when you know better in the first place and do it anyway. Its like when you are a kid and they tell you not to do it and of course you have to just find out how stupid it is yourself. “Ask forgiveness before I ask permission”, love that line in Brantley Gilberts new song. Well, time to wrap this one up, Hate 1, Us 0 and where we go and who wins next is up to US……..
It was going to be like this! I was going to do this or I was going to be with that person. I was going to make that happen and mom was going to see those grandkids from her only child before she dies. I had all that time to go golfing with gramps, his mom lived to 104! But cancer decides different for him at 84! It was supposed to be different as I count down the hours not years now to forty! God forgive me for my sins and for what I did! I knew better and now all the voices in my mind say over and over again it was supposed to be. You were supposed to be better, people were counting on you and now your just wasting your time. Counting down the days in your mind, demons 1, you 0! I keep coming back to I! Unlike my government, nobody to blame, conclusive evidence that I am the perpetrator of this shit show and what a show! And what I fear now you ask? Will I get a chance to fix any of it! I hear things like Harvey, Irma and Jose, names that are changing the landscape! Storms of a magnitude that we have never seen before! Everywhere seems to be on fire and now the biggest earthquake in a century in Mexico, anybody else going wtf? United States heroin deaths jump 533% since 2003, yeah you read that right! Equifax selling off stock before revealing somebody is now probably selling your information! Guess what was supposed to be is a moot point, what we do about it now is the point! Hate lives, hate is winning, North Korea hates us and we hate them! Whites hate blacks, blacks hate whites and both are marching, blacks are marching against hate! Everybody seems to hate the cops, Michael Bennett of my Seahawks could be lying? Could we all be lying to ourselves that this is okay? Or have we turned a blind eye for so long and made it okay? I guess what’s supposed to be, will be…..
Sorry Michael Stipe, I don’t feel fine and I doubt you do! Listen to the song, maybe a little Billy Joel “we didn’t start the fire”! Oh wait, my bad, we kind of did! Well boy, the mother fucker sure got hot in a hurry didn’t it Drake! Zero too a hundred jigga real quick as the song would go! Harvey, followed by Irma, followed by white supremacists, followed by half the country on fire and sure is hard to feel fine about it all! I don’t mean to go all God and end of days, but is anybody else going wtf? Things are happening right now that have never happened in history, there is not much left of Houston and my question is what will be left of Miami? What will be left of any of us if dumb and dumber don’t stop playing nuclear chicken? It’s not just what we do from here on out, it’s what we’ve done…..