If it’s the left then Soros must be behind it and if it’s the right it is big business and in the end can’t we all just agree that this guy is a scumbag! I believe in God, but I don’t need you to pray for me anymore, but I do need this to stop. Too many people trying to play God and too much evidence in front of our own eyes to nominate a man to the one of the highest honors in the land. How is he supposed to judge with integrity, when he clearly has none. It would be like being the president of the united states of America and mocking a victim of sexual assault! Something I said perhaps? Strike a nerve did it? About fucking time that somebody said it, next you’re going to be like someone close to me and tell me it was her fault because she dressed that way! Its her fault because she dressed that way, he is a scumbag for kneeling and I hate that he does and my grandfather took a bullet for this country. But part of that bullet was as much as I don’t like it so he could kneel if he wanted too and he sure as hell took for a woman or mans right too wear what they want. When did we become the middle east and start judging people for what they wear? Not taking shots at anyones culture or religion, simply just saying in other parts of the world they don’t enjoy the freedoms I do. I pray to God they say Kava Naw! As in no thanks, we don’t need some Yale frat boy who has got away with it his whole life on the supreme court making decisions that he has shown he isn’t capable of making. I guess I got on a little rant there, but when did we let all of this become okay. When did we roll the clock back a hundred years and start acting like less than we can be. We are at a time more than any other time in history where what we do will actually matter. Not the continual process of doing the same thing over and over again, but actual change. We see what we the people have created and since we created the beast, we are the ones that have to deal with it. Before it, deals with us like it has been for a long time now. At some point don’t we have to focus on fixing things more than Russia, Trumps taxes or any of this other bullshit? we have two more years to deal with this shit, seems like most those rich corporate types scam the tax system, the rich get richer and sure Russia is dirty, but we have to many problems two years later to be worrying about what Russia did. He’s in the White House and he has been there for over two years now. Short of murdering or raping somebody on camera, he is going to be there like it or not. So lets spin are wheels, lets vote Kavanaugh in even though it feels like a sin and then let’s go on about are day with our daily grin and try to remember a better time when…..
Whoops, never mind, I meant do over! I mean I think I deserve one. I may have really fucked it up this time, but I’m not Cosby and Kavanaugh giving them the “juice!” Perfect by no means, but my momma raised me better than that, and my daddy whipped my ass with a stick when necessary! Now a days you discipline your kid or touch a quarterback and everyone loses their damn mind! There comes a time where whatever it is that doubts us can’t stop us anymore, it becomes all but an afterthought! A point where maybe we can get a do over, because we realize that no matter how bad. No matter how deep the water, how far up that creek we get, five feet eleven inches deep, there’s still a chance! We gave up on hope a long time ago and resigned ourselves to this is just the way it is. The worst thing you can do is accept it because you’ve given up, only you can stop you! See you have fans out there on both sides! Secretly hoping you keep falling flat on your face. Secretly pulling for you and hoping this time you get it right, because what it could be! To the person thinking about committing suicide tonight, you could be the person! The person as Tupac says that makes the change! The person who changes the world, cure childhood cancer, makes a difference, but you have to be here for that to ever happen! You can’t have a do over if you aren’t here to do it, it isn’t over the battle you are losing right now isn’t a war, win the war! To the si how mom barely making it happen, keep making it happen, those kids are now and always will be worth it! Life will come at you like no other, keep coming back for more, the only screw over is if you lay down and that’s a choice! I’m finding a lot of life, Hell all of life is about the choices we make, and mine have to be better, bet yours could be too;-)
Boy how it was going to go down in my heart and how it went down have led me to one conclusion. “Well it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I my dear!” You can only hide in the shadows for so long, you can only run from it for so long before it catches you and you start chasing it. It only takes seconds, one bad decision and life as you know it, well I really fucked it up this time. It’s not the fuck up that gets to me anymore, it’s the what could have been. Liars are the only ones who will tell you that you can’t worry about the could have! At some point we all think about something that if we’d of done this what could of been! It can be our undoing, for the past twenty years I have been letting it undo me! What was supposed to be a one night stand, I have subsequently turned into a twenty year nightmare. Scared of facing what I’ve done, scared of the reality of it all, it took twenty years, but I let it stay with me and now it’s closing in on me! I don’t even know what it is anymore that I’m chasing or fighting, I mean I know it’s me, but fuck me, I don’t like me! I hate what I see in the mirror, I hate what I know I am capable of and can’t stop doing and there it is, found the it. There’s no can’t in life, can’t is for victims who make excuses, I WONT DO IT! And I bet somewhere in the battle the you’re fighting whose reading this, you too have a won’t! And until you solve the won’t, you will never be what you’re in your heart……
Fear, and what it can convince you of! What if lies don’t cover up the past, what if they cover up the present! They turn us inside out, and force themselves to the surface! What once was, can never stay the same, no matter how much we wish it could and that’s the bottom line. And now because of the way I have chosen to live my life and the lies I have had to tell to cover it up, life won and me zero. Used to never worry about it, as kids say these days, Zero fucks! That was at twenty, then forty showed up knocking on my door a year ago and I looked back on twenty years and thought, Life won, me zero. Life hit hard and like I tell the high school kids I coach, you have to get back up no matter how hard the hit. Funny how you talk that shit, but yet you chose to lay down for so long because it was easier. Easier to let someone else deal with it, easier to let someone else take your hit and you just ducked and ran. And now its all falling apart, now the score is life won and me zero. And I get it should be one, if you don’t get what I’m doing here I doubt ill be able to slow it down for you. The thing that scares me about that zero, is it my score or is it what I have let myself become? At least I have that part figured out, I got myself in to this mess and I sure as fuck will get myself out of it. But its the cops fault or the teachers fault or it isn’t my kids fault, I have to say life won for sure, because it seems like all the fuck we do is make excuses for it. It isn’t my fault, Shaggy had a song about it, “it wasn’t me,” well Shaggy, it may not have been you, but at this point I kind of think that we are all on the hook. So let me tell you a little something that you probably already know. Sometimes its going to be you zero and life one. Sometimes you can make all the excuses that you want, sometimes life takes things from you that just isn’t fair. Sometimes we have questions that only the God I believe in if he exists has answers for and hell, maybe even he doesn’t. Man has free will, man has choices and man I am tired of the score being life won, me zero……..
Life is out of our control! That’s okay, it’s how we respond and what we do! It’s okay not to be okay, but some days, the walls start closing in. Some things in life are out of our control, not all things, I should correct myself. Start taking care of now, the things that you can control. Because when the walls start closing in, when the walls start stumbling, crumbling down Mr. Mellencamp, it can be a dicey situation. They start telling you that it is over, you start listening this time. They put you on a timeline that I’m not even sure God could pull of with the state of the shit show I have put on for so many years I am embarrassed to mention it. Those walls start telling you that what’s against you is better than you and you just keep doing the same damn thing proving those walls right. You find yourself getting mad and fighting about the same fucking things over and over again, the walls just laugh and close a little bit further in. Saying things like you are better than this and you are past this and making yourself believe anything you can to not admit that you’re not dealing with, but yet still dancing with the demons of your past. We all have one, we drove past it, we used to live right past it, just past the store hang a right and just dance with your past long enough and the walls win. Watching the walls win too much lately, watching people die from drug overdoses, watching things taking over this world that don’t seem to be in are favor. Watching the walls closing in on us everyday and the mother fucker in North Korea is supposedly making more nukes and the dumbass in the White House is worried about Lebron? I hate the kneeling for the flag, my grandfather took a bullet for this country, but taking shots at a guy who seems to get that he’s fortunate to have all that money from basketball and is giving back?!? That’s what you are worried about? Its suffocating right now, the walls are not closing in, they have all but fucking closed and that’s a wrap. I was told today I didn’t matter, I was told today I wasn’t good enough, I had it shoved in my face and I had some of the most important things in the world to me taken away. Today is the day that the walls win. So the only thing to do is burn this bitch to the ground and start over, walls were made to come down, and even if we lose a battle here or there, it will happen. Don’t lose sight of winning the war, because that wall that’s closing in that you are fighting. Let me tell you a little secret about it, that it doesn’t want you to know. You built it, therefore you are its worst enemy and you are the one who can bring that wall down, you and only you….
For those in the pacific time zone who just left for work at 5:30 and kissed their families goodbye one last time. Yeah, this one is for you. Crazy and scary to think about right? Crazier, what if it’s me? What if I only get forty years? What will they say? Is that scarier than dying? Because if it happened today, what they’d say, well it wouldn’t be to pretty! Would they talk about the good? The kids at my gym I gave shoes too. The two kids at my gym whose family I made sure had thanksgiving when I could barely eat myself! The countless hours I have volunteered coaching high school kids and the difference I made? Or would they talk about how it’s all made up? Have I become the guy who had so much potential, but look at him now! Yeah I hear it, some call them critics, I call them fans, I hear what they’re saying. I can’t believe he blew it, I can’t believe he let it go down like this, what a waste! For those of you not coming home tonight, is what they’re saying true? See their saying that it’s over, stick a fork in them no point. But some of us will come home tonight, some of us have to be the change for those who won’t come home tonight! I believe in God, and I won’t go there! Trying to understand why I get to piss this life away and my closest loses his daughter at 6? All those questions we want to ask the big guy in the sky if he is there and yet no answers! So I’ll leave you with this, this Thursday morning, do the best you can do. Always say I love you and never go to bed angry, the journey is too damn short. “ don’t go looking for the reason, don’t go asking Jesus why, we’re not meant to know the answers, they belong to the by and by.” To those of us who will come home tonight, let’s not keep letting it pass us by and by! We only get one ride, so from here on out I’m going to live it like I’m Aldean. I’m going to figure out a way to make it happen, their sure gonna know we were here as the song says, because one day, we will be that person who isn’t coming home!
The how could he or she do that with judging eyes, when our demon is just a different animal! An animal we can’t undrestand as much as they can’t understabd ours! And I guess the lesson to be learned there is this. A whole lot of understanding has to start going on! Understanding The Who, what the where and the why. We need answers, not news coverage after the fact asking why, we need to deal with the why ahead of time, before we run out of time. We have Trump paying off playmates and sucking off Putin and it’s funny how that’s the least of are problems. And the problem is, demons can be fun, dancing with demons can be exciting. We say we want to put our demons in the past, but yet we keep chasing the past. We don’t block that number so a midnight text comes in even though we know we should. Or worse, one to many and we are the one sending the text. I think as Mr. President has shown, we all step in it at some point. The point is, unlike the president, don’t keep stepping in it. Because demons can be fun, but dancing with demons can be dangerous and deadly. It can cost you years of your life that you now look back on at forty. In others cases, it cost them their life, so what point is there in understanding if you’re going to keep letting the demons win? At some point your payoff comes out. At some point you run out of lies to cover the lies you told and at some point. It is just you facing the demon you created eye to eye, one last battle, one last chance to decide who wins and loses!