Not talking about the circus 46 has created, talking about the life I created that is undoing me. Captain of the ship here, looking around for someone to blame, but its slim Pickens. It all comes down to the I did this and I have to find a way out of this. Nowhere else to skirt the blame, nothing left to hide behind, all you did is out there in the open. Out there, for everyone to see, out there, nowhere to run this time! And in the end running, doesn’t buy you, but just costs you time you’ll never get back! I took a second today and looked around at it all. All the bullshit and devastation my actions have cost. I saw it this morning when my mother was having a diabetic reaction ano had a blood sugar of 38. I saw it in my 90-year-old grandmothers face with the Kelsey Balerini song “Peter Pan” playing in my head. I just saw it a half hour ago in the face of my father who doesn’t even have words anymore. Worse, I don’t have any words to defend it anymore and even less action. What’s that saying, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? And know all that matters is results I don’t have, he said he was going to do this or I thought he was doing this and now he’s as worthless as the homeless guy on the side of the street! Choices is the only word that resonates in my head now, moves that were made and moves that should have been made! Now what’s left you ask? Just the fucking bed that I’ve made! So as the curtain drops on this shit show, I have to be honest. No Twitter rants, no, it’s this that or Comey’s fault, this shit show begins and ends with me. You can talk about it, or BE about it they say, whoever they are, they’re right!