And for the first time in your life, fear sets in. This moment you finally see and feel all that you have wasted and where you always saw a way out before. Before was a different time and place and this place is scary, this place is a life sentence with no chance of parole. I have been the director of my own demise and what a shit show it was. How I tried time after time to shit can it and over and over again I got chances and nope, one hundred miles and out in the wrong direction and now what stupid? Its time to prove to yourself and all those people watching and waiting for you too fail that you aren’t scared this time. That you are strong enough to walk away from the things that you don’t want to and you have realized it is okay and you will be alright. It doesn’t hurt like it used too and it can only hurt as long as you let it hurt. At some point you have to heal or it will never heal and at approaching thirty-nine years old you will come to this moment that you’ve wasted your whole life for. You get tired of seeing it in front of you and being able to do nothing about it. You get tired of losing the things that matter because of your inaction, you simply run out of excuses for it all and your pathetic behavior. The point where it’s not mommy and daddy’s fault or the countries fault or the fucking Easter bunnies fault, no that point where you start accepting what you did. A point, where it doesn’t matter anymore how hard life hit you, hit back and make something happen. Make that move that you know needs to be made no matter how scary it is. You may have to give up and change everything, I know I do. You may, ha not may, but will have to give up some things you don’t want too. A lot has to change I have decided, I have wasted my whole life to get to this point and I don’t like it. I don’t like what I see in the mirror, I don’t like Trump or Hillary, I don’t like black people or cops getting killed. I don’t like the state of the world, I guess I have wasted my whole life to get to this point and I have to ask for what? Don’t know where I read it, sorry, but it goes like this. “You have seen my descent, now watch my rising.” Out of the ashes, I’ve learned a lot from the things I did to break myself, its time to see what this old boy has left.