It’s Not The Mistake!

Everybody else has already forgotten the mistake. You’re the one who keeps beating yourself up over it, their waiting to see what you do! People put their lives on hold, people stood up for you, people deserve better from you and your still busy worried about what doesn’t matter, the mistake. The mistake this time will be far worse than any you have made before. Because the mistake is letting your life pass you by worried about something you can do nothing about. I kind of have fun, it kind of matters sometimes, but losing what you want because your worried about what you did is wearing on me tonight! Seeing someone I used to be close with at one time, now on the run for murder because of drugs makes you think. Another relationship biting the dust, and while it may be a blessing and you are starting to see the ugliness of the other person, who is to say it wasn’t right? Not you, that is for sure with the lies you told and the tales you spun, and that brings me back to the guy on meth and the dead body. He used to be a nice enough guy like me, hell I really liked him at one point, but when do your decisions start to not only catch up with, but own you? Been thinking a lot about those moments lately in life where you go left or right, what would have happened if I would have went the other way. I have done nothing with myself for a while now, I haven’t regressed into meth and murder, but I have progressed. well that’s a fucking joke. Don’t you get tired of it all? the constant battle of over and over not only losing yourself, but watching what you want to walk out the door? What and who matters? You will find people who talk about it, aren’t about it. Those who are about it will show you that they are in a second, those that can’t will talk your ear off about what their going to do. That works at 7, works well at thirteen and at eighteen graduating high school, at 38 people don’t give a shit about what you say, they care about what you are about! And I am about to lose this fight, that is the only thing that is clear in my mind tonight. Not the pain, not the fear of being exposed, but the fear I have gotten to old and  pissed away one too many chances! Yeah, but that really isn’t going to work, it’s not the mistake that kills you, its not the heartbreak, its not the getting kicked in the ball’s when you are down, this I have learned in life. The one thing that gets easier once you do it and slowly kills you is quitting and that’s a fact. And I just don’t have it in me, I fucked up a million times on this yellow brick road I have traveled, but I’m still crazy enough to believe in myself. I’m still crazy enough to chase my dreams and I still think after all is said and done I get what I want. Why the fuck not? Why not believe you’re going to come back with Mark Morrison’s “Return of the Mack” playing in the background bigger and fucking badder than anyone ever thought you could. Wonder what would happen if you quit believing in the mistake and started believing  in yourself? You can still have that moment we all get in life, that one moment to change it all. Everyone is watching, the mistake is made, what shall you do know is  what matters!

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