That Total Abject Failure Moment!

I’ve said I’ll never give up, I’ve said only pussies give up, I’ve said a lot of things. I’ve looked a lot of people in the eyes and made them promises I knew from the start I wouldn’t or couldn’t because of circumstances I created keep. I’ve run life after life that has collided with mine into the ground, I’ve run it all including myself so far into this black hole that I don’t even think I know what light is anymore. A week from Wednesday I turn thirty-eight, and I’m still in the same place spinning the same tales as I was at twenty-eight. Even the best stories get old and run out of wind beneath their sails, seems to be the only thing getting old anymore is me. Chasing weed, the wrong girls who will do the right things on a certain dating website, not giving a shit about anybody or anything else! The moment when you realize everything about you is fake and you’ve accomplished absolutely nothing worthwhile in your life, the day you start questioning yourself and wondering why everybody else hasn’t given up on you! And then you realize you can’t give up, you do matter and the only one who thinks you’re a failure is the pussy over in the corner writing about it!

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