Bargaining!

God if you do this or let me pull this off or save him then I’ll do this! God I know I said if he got better I would quit doing that thing, but what if I just do it a little less! The second you start debating it in your head, you know it’s wrong, the truth needs no debating! I find myself doing this a lot lately, saying things like it’s okay because I’ll do this to make up for it, or I can cut that corner, IT WONT KILL ME! Might not, but it might fuck up the rest of our life! I can’t turn back time, God I wish I could, because there’s a whole lot of shit I would have done different! But I don’t know how the fuck I have anymore time left to bargain with, I ran out of that shit a long time ago and now here I sit! Big things are just around the corner, the signs are all around me, I can’t continue to walk by them as if there not there when I know full well that they are? Time to quit bargaining with my future, time to accept some things I don’t want too, let go of some people I don’t want to and move on to the future that is waiting on me! Or I can keep bargaining, but that’s like not giving the best running back in football the ball at the 1 yard line for the win…

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