Down To My Last Two Joints!

I know for sure who I am deceiving and it isn’t all the people who see through my bullshit now who once believed it, no I am deceiving my future! While Tupac says I put my faith in God and I do too, but this mess is going to take a whole hell of a lot more than God! He can cure the sick, he can change things in a moment, but he can’t get you out of your messes, you have to want to do that all on your own, so who do you believe in? I sure know the dog believed in the wrong person as he starts to show the signs at almost six that took my last lab at seven! It’s probably the mold among other things that is getting to him and I wonder what it is doing to me, but I won’t get off my ass and get it together and make some money and fix it all! He is starting to act weird, he is starting to wander, won’t lie down or get comfortable. This is bad, this is real fucking bad! We are the creators of our own dreams and our own demise, and as I sit and pray he just ate something he shouldn’t have, my mind knows better and I am about to fucking lose it, not again! I said I wouldn’t lose another one this way, I said I wouldnt lose another girl this way, I said a lot of fucking things man and then did nothing about them, they acted on me and I never acted on themt. Time has all but run out and I don’t know if I can save him now, fuck I don’t know if I can save myself, I don’t know anything anymore, I’m scared and hurt and confused I’m broken beyond belief, time to see what I am made of. I said it, so I have to believe it, I said if you do nothing about it, it can always get worse and losing him would kill me and bury me and then all of a sudden he looks a little better, thank you God. And this time God if you’re listening, that thing that I asked you for and that promise I made that I have been making for sixteen years, I am going to fulfill it whether he lives or not! But tonight with tears running down my face and a heavy heart, grant me this one wish, don’t break me into 1 million pieces and take him at six, I lost the last one at seven. I promise I will fight, I promise I’ll make it right, I promise I will give up what I should and I will do what the fuck I’m supposed to this time! No bullshit, no quitting after a week because it is too hard or finding excuses to why I can’t. I have one 110 pound reason sitting right in front of me who carried me at some of my worst points, the least I can do is pull the shit off and give him a few more years, so who do you believe in? I have to believe that I can play the superhero and I can pull this entire fucking thing off, everybody is counting on me!


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