Pulling It Off, The Great Heist!
“1:10 a.m. two years ago today we were told our AWESOME T had a brain tumor. Not just any brain tumor, one that COULDN’T BE REMOVED called Diffused Intrinsic Pontine Giloma, also known as the MONSTER! DPIG took our AWESOME T 14 months later.” It is a post from the Facebook page from one of the kids on the team I help coach. I peek at each of their Facebook’s, what’s not private at least once a week to make sure that none of them fuck up like I did. They are all really good kids like I was at one point, but I want them to know that one wrong choice or bad move can change everything. Cancer doesn’t care, ask Stuart Scott, sorry if that is brutally honest, but it is the truth, that man was amazing and could have done so much more and I bet this kid on my basketball teams little sister was pretty amazing too. Fuck Cancer man, it sucked the life out of my grandfather, it sucked the life out of my best friends close friends daughter at four, it is slowly taking away and amazing young lady Lauren Hill, and if you don’t know who she is, Google that shit, you’ll see what a real hero is. Boy I rambled on, sorry I got a little of track, but sometimes the best things come out of getting a little of track and finding yourself. You don’t always have to be perfect, but find yourself, figure out what matters forgive yourself and don’t stay off track for two long, because months turn into years and I am at that pulling it off point, the great heist and seeing the look on all of their faces or completely fucking falling apart! Stuart Scott said it best, we all need support, together we can make it, I figured it out in one sentence, I survived a lot of shit, addiction, an accident that should have killed me, I can go on and on, I didn’t get to survive all that to amount to this, I didn’t get to live to do this. I got to live because there was a reason, I don’t know why some survive and some don’t, but Stuart Scott wherever you are sir, this line while you were fighting cancer and facing death like a true man, changed my life sir. “I have to try to feel like I don’t have cancer even though I think about cancer twenty times a day.” I may have to build this bitch from the ground up because I burnt it down, but watch me do it. I can think about all the shit that I fucked up twenty times a day, it is hard not to, but the way I am letting it affect my life is slowly taking me down. I will turn thirty-eight later this year, there is just simply no time left. I have survived some of the worst things that you can, some I created by my poor choices, the others by accident or fate whatever you want to call it, but it is time. Time to look in the mirror and figure out how I want this bitch to end, or it ends this bitch, I have had it thrown in my face to many times. I been called pathetic, disgusting, worthless so many damn things being said about me, but I have to spit in the face of it all, my back has never been more up against the hundred foot wall that I have created, but don’t misunderstand what I am saying, don’t mistake that as a sign of weakness, because as that great man Stuart Scott said, I choose to fight like hell…..