This Shit Ain’t Working! Usually Doesn’t When You Act Like A Bitch!
D-day is supposedly three days away and I haven’t written anything in days, haven’t made the move and the moves around me keep being made. All on me at this point, I can see it and I know what to do about it, but instead I been getting drunk and pretending it all isn’t there. Its gonna take a fucking hail mary at this point and we all know that shit rarely works. Saw her with him, saw how fake it was and yeah saw the twenty five pounds she had put on and me in the best shape of my life and yeah when the text came later last night saying how good I looked it should of but didn’t feel good! I don’t know what feeling good feels like anymore, I don’t know what I could have had, I was and amazing kid’s dad for six month and that wasn’t even enough to pull it together. I can only say it was God setting me up for something better or life bailing me the fuck out for so long, before the not knowing starts slowly killing me. The voices of what I can’t do are starting to get louder and life is closing in on me, what I want, what I could have had and what will be are all about to collide and I am not sure how it goes down. This is what happens when you choose to be a bitch, I as Drake said didn’t know myself and I didn’t know my worth so the shit that went down against me I never saw coming and I created and let it all happen. I still have to believe that if I quit being a bitch I can come out on top of this mother fucker, because the way this shit is going down, well this shit just aint working anymore. I made it about everything else that didn’t matter and I remember that little girls birthday is tomorrow and she only got too see six of them and this shit I am trying to pull off is bigger than all of it. Yeah I put myself on a deadline and I may not pull it off in time which is my own fault, but I learned something along the way, it is only over if you say it is over. Yeah I think B.O.B. says it best in one of his songs, “you get a new hand soon after you fold.” “Know when to hold them and know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run”, some good advice from old fish face, man what the fuck Kenny that shit just aint cool, you get your surgery done in Mexico? This shit aint working, time to fold on what doesn’t matter, hold onto what does and run at this bitch with all I got, because this is all I got, one last shot to not be the bitch I have shown I am!