His Parole Officer….

‘His Parole Officer Thinks Basketball Would Be Good For Him!”

Boy I have said I got nothing before, but I didn’t really mean it, at this moment I got nothing, especially if I am starting off with that title! Shit is starting to go better, I could have let it fall apart and I didn’t, am I reaching that moment of contentment? That moment where you look in the mirror and you realize you dropped forty pounds and while you should be proud of it, you get content with it and hour workouts turn to 45 and a half hour and your back to 225 jack! Content, not happy by any means, but is it good enough right now that I am appeased and okay with it? Who the fuck am I kidding, tonight my A.D.D. is just working with me and shielding my heart, tonight I escaped it in that moment I had fun again, it was good to be on the sidelines of a high school basketball game again, it was good to see old friends. It was good to follow through on a commitment, but why can I follow through for them, why can I drag my ass to the gym six days a week? Why can’t I pull it all together the rest of the fucking time is a better question? If I can commit to them and I can commit to my body and the gym and I follow through every time than it would appear I am just making excuses in every other facet of my life, because obviously I can commit and see it through. It doesn’t make me any better than anyone else, but if you would of told me a year ago I would almost have abs, be down from 225-240 to 185 and in the best shape of my life being able to bench 250 pounds, I would of laughed you out of the gym. Then I would have bet against myself, I would have said 100 bucks says there is no chance in hell it goes down like that, until it went down exactly like that because I worked for it. I wanted it; I don’t want this fight that is in front of me right now, because I know how hard and ugly it is, because I created the fight. And now I have to fight for that inch, when you wake up tomorrow be prepared, I just in those last few lines answered each and every one of my questions, it happened because I worked for it, I am the controller of my own destiny and just because the fight is ugly and you don’t want too, sometimes you just fucking have to engage! Controlling your own destiny or letting it control you will great you in the morning!

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