I Just Made Too Many Bad Choices, I Just Can’t Do It Anymore!

“Spirit Of A Boy, Or The Wisdom Of A Man!”

“With so much riding on the choice at hand, the spirit of a boy or the wisdom of a man. There’s a constant contradiction between what feels good and what feels right and we live with decisions that we make in our life. And what steers are direction is hard to understand, the spirit of a boy or the wisdom of a man.” There is a constant contradiction between what feels good and what feels right, and tonight nothing feels right. Nothing I did makes sense anymore, nothing I did feels right and tonight knowing what tomorrow should bring and what it will bring because of my choices and inaction kills me. Worst thing in the world is not being able to face the people that matter the most because of what you have done, worse you had time to fix it and make something of yourself and look at you now! I let the spirit of a boy rule me and I chose not to grow up, I chose what feels good instead of what feels right and tonight I don’t want to live with these decisions that I have made in my life, they just hurt to fucking much. In the end the fun times and worrying about the shit that mattered later has finally caught up to me as I see special tonight about a 41 year old New Orleans saints cheerleader. She has I believe PKD, long story short it could kill her, it has killed two of her uncles and it isn’t a maybe it is a fact probably by fifty her kidneys will shut down and she will have to go on dialysis and she will need a transplant to survive. “I want them to remember me like this and I want my kids to know that I was more than a homework checker and a house keeper. Something beats us all eventually, but until then I am going to cram as much in as I can.” Did I really waste sixteen fucking years whining about it? Was it really supposed to go down this way? With so much riding on the choice at hand, what I choose next makes or breaks me….

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