It Has To Be And All Out War Now.
It has to be every second of everyday, not that it always shouldn’t have been, but I have to find a way to take it to the next level whatever it is. Shit in the last week since I have been back has got worse. I saw her and him and I wanted to say fuck that guy and knock him the fuck out, but I didn’t have my shit together and I didn’t lock it down. I threw my back out and can barely move I am helping a kid when I can barely afford to help myself, it just has to be and all out war now, there is simply no other way and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have to have my back against the whole, pinned in the corner with no way out; it is the only way that I find one. I have wasted too much time that the only scenario left is the war it has to be everyday from here on out now. I have to live like those brave men do when they are at war and realize any second it could all blow up in my face and take me, because I have been living on borrowed time for far too long and nobody had a bad word to say about my grandmothers brother at his funeral today. But you see if it isn’t the all out war that it has to be every second of every day from here on out, what they will be saying about me at my funeral wont fucking be pretty. I did this, if I quit bitching about it I can still do something about it, but other than it having to be and all out war now I understand one other thing too. It all comes down to one thing, I….