Words I Wished I’d Said!

“Words I Wished I Said Come On The Radio.”

I don’t know why I do this to myself the song from Keith Urban would go on to say! That moment when you realize it wasn’t done to you, nobody wanted it to go down this way; you made it go down this way. The one she wanted, the badest mother fucker on the block, the one that made it happen always lived inside me, but it was easier to fuck off than do what it was going to take to lock down the life I wanted. And now here I sit chasing at 12:15 in the morning what I would give anything to have back. Can’t remember how Eric Church says it, but it is something about most days in life don’t stick out, but life’s about those days that do. The day she changed your heart and you knew it from the moment you laid eyes on her. The moment she gave you the greatest gift of all, you’re first born child. That moment when your mother gets to hold her grandchild before she goes, the moments that melt are heart. One of the worst things in life that you can do is leave things unsaid. Leave them in the wind and open and not finish them, not finishing them will finish you and now as Thanksgiving approaches and Friday I go to a funeral for my Grandmothers brother, I realize who and what matters. Maybe what happened last night was nothing at all, but you know what? If I don’t wake up tomorrow and put my foot on the gas I won’t ever fucking know because I won’t be able to act on it? And tonight, maybe it was me wishing and hoping, but some business that I thought was finished, may not be finished with me. I don’t know if it was a sign to act or not, but I am going to assume it is and I am willing to try, fuck it why not? I got to many promises to keep and too many things I want as I sit here trying to reign in this life that I have let get out of control! I can’t deny I miss hearing the word happy anymore, I can’t deny that two dogs and snoring on my chest was the happiest feeling I have ever had in my entire life. More than the Hawks Super Bowl win, more than any game winning hit I had in high school, more than the 1 out shy of a complete game no hitter I threw in high school. Yeah this life, what matters is who matters so if who matters isn’t with you tonight, then you better do something about it. Because tonight, words I left unsaid are a bitter pill, not a good sleeping pill!

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