Moves Must Be Made, These Wants Have Become Needs!
Something has got to change was what the voice on the other end of the phone said. My Uncle is Dying and my sixty two year old diabetic Mother said I am next. I am not a fool, I saw her health deteriorating before I left and then I just did what I always do and well, left. When you are the cause and the soul factor of your demise, moves must be made. Certain things that I thought I only wanted have now manifested into needs and I have realized I am not sure I can live without them. But I thought I could at one point and I put it all in jeopardy, except there is any Alex Trebeck with witty one liners to cover up your stupidity. You could ask me the question a million times and a million times I wouldn’t have and answer. I have absolutely no fucking idea whatsoever as to why I did it, I probably never will. So I might as well quit worrying about that, because thinking back on all of the shit I have done man, it just makes me sad realizing what a piece of shit I let myself become. How badly I hurt people and how I could give a fuck less as long as I was taken care of. I am starting to see what I hate most in other people is exactly what is inside of me and that is probably why I hate it so much. It has been this dark before, it will probably get darker and harder, but I will beat it because I realize all the ugliness I hate in other people is the same thing I hate in me and I have to give up everything that I hate. Time to stop playing games, time to stop thinking about putting in the work and get down to putting in the work, don’t call me a bitch again, I let you get away with it once. But I aint coming back that little bitch, call me out this time and I will run through your fucking house and step on your neck. No more pussyfooting around and no more fucking games this time mother fuckers, you want the bad guy, and you got him. You have no idea the things that I have done and the things that I am capable of, hell I can barely wrap my mind around it sometimes, but the bad guy burning in me. The one who doesn’t give a fuck anymore and has been pushed a little too far, he has some wants that have become needs and he has some moves to make and some action to take. Part two about why I am a douchebag and why I suck will be coming in the morning!