Yeah That Bullshit About It Getting Better!

Yeah That Bullshit About It Getting Better…..

Somebody somewhere turns off the lights with a man next to them that I let lay where I used too. Worse this just isn’t getting it done anymore and I must find a way to change everything starting tomorrow. My life is falling completely apart again because of something that even if I got it back I couldn’t have it. Some things are fixable and sometimes too much damage has been done and I am wasting my days on something that wasted away months ago, starting to think that it was never real at all. I may not have been perfect, but other guys around every corner and getting traded in for stuff that anybody can get if they work hard enough is not love to me. But this is what traps me and consumes me and now I realize I have been doing this little song and dance for far too long! Oh if I could turn back time, but I can’t and the moves that have been made and the things that have been said and done since have put it six feet in the ground, the only thing left to do is for me to let it go and walk away. I don’t know why I did or said any of it, but at this point it has to be a lesson, welcome to the real world son. It felt good for the first time today in a long time, I was happy and it wasn’t because of a substance or because of someone else and that is where it starts. I have been angry and bitter for so long, new plan Stan starting tomorrow it is time to be happy no matter what is thrown my way. I lost myself for too long being angry and now I am running to catch up and against the clock trying to find myself. I hate what I did and I hate myself for doing it, a little bit of hate isn’t the worst thing in the world when what you hate is the ugliness in yourself that you need to work on. It can’t get better until I make a decision to let it get better, I heard a buddy talking about how his went down in July and it kills him every single day. Mine was May, but the month doesn’t matter, it is the same damn thing. I don’t know how I am going to wake up tomorrow and change everything that I need too, but I must figure a way out and I must have the guts once and for all to give up it up and never look back! I have made the decision before, but this time I must follow through with it if I have any chance of finding out what is on the other side waiting for me. Hanging out in Idaho, worried about something you want back but know even if you get it you can’t have it is not stupid or pathetic; it is deadly to your future. So yeah that bullshit about it getting better……

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