Hate Corrodes The Container Around It.
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one. Lessons learned sometimes take longer than you would like, but at least I finally learned them. Nobody wants a guy who comes back mad and angry about the same shit that he should have left in the past. Nobody wants to hear it, it is in one ear and out the other, and hate takes its toll. Hate corrodes the container around it and the container around it is the person. I hated myself, I hated what I had become and what I did and then I sat around and hated everybody else because I forced their hand and made them take actions I didn’t want them too. I had it all, wrapped around my damn little finger and I played a game of thinking I was too cool and I am good looking and nobody would walk away from me, they will put up with my bullshit, of course they will. Little did I know that the ones that mattered were just as tired of my bullshit as I was and they were getting ready to walk away? I saw it, I knew how it was going to go down, the same fucking way it has every time before, but like a fool I thought I had time. Well, I sure got a whole hell of a lot of time on my hands now jack and that shit sucks let me tell you that. I sat around for too long bitching about why it happened to me and how could they and fuck them and it was their fault never once noticing one thing. It kept happening over and over again and the one thing in the equation that never changed was me! I don’t know how I am going to do it that is obvious as I still hide out in Idaho, but I have to find some way to change everything about me. Because honestly right now just about everything about me fuckng sucks man, I can take that I earned it. There are some good things about me and I am not out raping woman and beating puppies, but I could do a lot better and there it is again. I could do a lot better, but I chose not to and what in the end will become of me is the question right. Two months into thirty seven I am certain of some things for sure. I haven’t yet, but if I don’t make a move now I will run out of time. Time for a family, time to save myself and help some people and help the ones who kept my head above water, time to follow through on some of those promises, at some point potential fades in he had so much potential and you are fucked. I ran myself into the ground with hate and anger and no longer can I let that happen, give up the anger and hate and what is eating at you will have nothing to eat at.