The Two Things People Have Always Done Well, Hate And Kill!

I have been chasing for so many years now that it is weighing me down. As I start to look at the face in the mirror a little harder and study it, all I see is that I am getting older and those pretty boy looks are starting to fade. Years of abuse and doing what the hell that I wanted instead of what I should have done are starting to chase me down and some of them are catching up with me and then what? I fear what I don’t understand and what I don’t understand is myself, I have been scared of what I am capable of for a long time, good or bad I don’t know which. It would seem in my mind that I am capable of both, what makes a person decide? Serial killer and snap and lose it or keep it together and get the little white picket fence and the wife and kids? Do we even have a say in it? Does God or does life or some creator whatever you would like to call it? They say this part of the brain does this and that part of the brain does that and when you have this injury or this happens or why not sometimes admit that there are also fucked up people in this world! How do we fix everything we have done? People are still going to be people, they are still going to be afraid, they are still going to judge and they are still going to do the two things they have done well for thousands of years, kill and hate each other. In the end as I said the other night you live through it if you chose to, it can always get better or worse and small things can become huge mountains when you dwell on them and don’t deal with them. But again as with just about everything else that I talk about, that too is a choice and in the end it would seem that our choices are what make or break us! And lately in my case there has been just too much breaking, it isn’t hard I know what to do and one week ago Thursday I got all the answers and motivation I needed and then I did what I do best and I sat on my hands. Too much time hasn’t gone by and I haven’t wasted every opportunity like I thought I had. The only person that believes that is the pathetic lazy fool looking back at me in the mirror and I have fooled him before, this time it is time to fool him into a future and figuring this out and making some right choices, should be to hard……

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