I Better Fucking Figure It Out Soon!

They all sat together after Belker’s death, wondering aloud how sad it is that animal’s lives are shorter than humans. Shane, who had been listening quietly, spoke”I know why. . . People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life, like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The 6-y/o continued,”Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.” A little enlightenment as I realize I am falling apart and it either falls together this time or it ends me. If we all just loved one another and were nice all the time, what a world we could create, but we aren’t in Kansas anymore Dorothy and Wonderland only lives in your dreams Alice! I was stoned and didn’t care for so long, now that I am finally not stoned and do care, I see just what I have done. And let me tell you folks, I was the one who was hurt the least by my actions and that statement right there is what kills me tonight! People have lives, I don’t. Why could I always play basketball when others couldn’t? They had wives and lives and shit to do, I am still chasing my tail, and I am not saying having fun isn’t okay, but God I miss having someone to come home too. But was it even the right one? Would I even know what the right one is with the way I have acted, she could be walking right by how the hell would I know? Sometimes we don’t get answers to the questions that we want, we have to live with the fact that life doesn’t work that way. We hurt people because we refuse to move on, we take some of the bad with us to the next one sometimes, and until we do the one thing we all must do. Learn how to change for the better so we don’t keep making the same mistakes. Because if you look around at the state of the world today, it would seem like to many people and to many countries are making the same mistakes and we are burying ourselves! I just don’t get how a six year old can get it and we can’t? Shit is so simple at that age, the age that my former best friend’s daughter passed away at, but he got it. He saw it and he understood it and he saw it for what it was. Sometimes I think we need to see it for what it is instead of trying to analyze the hell out of it looking for answers that are just never going to be there! I hell, I don’t know what the point of this point is, what the point of my life is any of it anymore, but I better figure it the fuck out soon!

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