Somebody Somewhere, Turned Out The Lights!
I have done too much good and am capable of doing so much more that the lights now must be turned out. Talking about it and doing it are two entirely different things I am coming to find out. I set out on the road probably a month ago now, forgive me if I am wrong, you seem to lose track of time and yourself out here. I have said I am past it, I have said I have accepted it, but it still haunts me. When I hear it or when I was forced to see it back home and I know it now is what it is, but turning out the lights on it, so I might have the slightest chance to light a flame for my future is all that matters now! There isn’t any thinking about it or standing outside the ring and wondering if this time. This time it’s a UFC cage and the gloves are on and there is no way out. Its face it or get run the fuck over time, do or let it die time went out the window a long fucking time ago. The lights are going to be turned out soon and it will either be on my life or it will be on what I lost that I have let keep me here. This doesn’t get it, been on the road for a month and its cold, fast food sucks and sleeping in a car seat kills your back. Imagine eating out of a dumpster and sleep on concrete! Yeah I can still do something about my situation and I can still do something to change it all if I chose to leave it all in the dark. You can’t take all the shit you did in the darkness with you to the light, no matter how badly you want too. No matter how badly you don’t want to give it up, you got to want a shot at a future more. Time to have a little conversation with myself, time to realize the dues I have paid and time to realize what is gone is finally gone. The lights on it were turned out six months ago and I in turn turned the lights out on my life for the last six months. I guess we all deal with things in different way, but when the lights are turned out, nothing is left but darkness. You flat on your back laying in bed everything you did playing in your head and sleep for a fourth night in a row evades me. Except it isn’t a bed anymore, it is a car seat and staring at rain drops hitting the top of the sunroof. It is the lights of this rest stop, and the darkness of what is unknown just beyond them. I don’t know how it got so dark, I don’t know why I allowed this to go on, but I do know this is my last chance to ever come out of the darkness and see light again!