This Time I Finish It.

My whole life it has been loose ends and excuses, not one time in my entire life with all the good I have done, have I ever finished what I said I was going to finish. No, I have simply let it finish me! This one is going to get about as ugly as it has ever gotten, but I guess I have to get all the ugliness out-of-the-way so I can get to all the shit that really matters. It finished me because I was to busy borrowing money from family members I knew I wasnt going to pay back so I could get high. Weird how it will be two Thanksgivings and Christmas’s that I havent shown my face at, wonder how the fuck that happened? Funny how what matters is back in Olympia and I am in Wisconsin freezing my ass off tonight. I have tried to see it, visualize it in my head on how the last chapter is written, how I finish it. How I lost my best friend because I borrowed money that again I took way longer than I should have to pay back because I wanted to chase weed, whiskey and woman, and now all that is left is the sunroof over my head and two sore hips and one broken heart missing home that I am trying to put back together! I can go on about the things I have done and the bad decisions I have made, and it will sure as fuck finish me just like it has every other time before, but this time I have options. This time I bet if I put it all back together and  show the people that matter I really do give a shit and it really wasnt all about me and I want to change, well that kind of change can change it all! I have learned, that what I used to worry about, was nothing to worry about at all. I have learned that sometimes what you think is meant to bury you will push you on to the best thing in your life if you are paying attention, And the most important thing I have learned in my thirty-seven years for sure is this. Finish it, before it finishes you, good morning lets go lets go!

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