Talking In Circles, But I Am Better Now Thanks!

Since I have been out on the road, with no T.V., friends to play basketball with or a dog to walk, I have started paying more attention to homeless people! You ever notice how it seems like all of them talk to themselves? I gave a few of them drinks and a few bucks today before I headed out of Oklahoma and some were as normal as me, but a lot of them talk to themselves. I asked one of the ones who didn’t if he had any clue why? I said, drugs, alcohol or mental condition would be the easy answer and I thought for sure that is where he would go with it. This is what he said, “I bet at some point you have been alone too, and nobody wants to be alone. Worse, when everyone else gives up on you and you give up on yourself, all you have left to get you through the day is the voices in your head.” I gave him ten bucks, and he said,”I am better now thanks.” I said since I gave you the money, may I ask what you are going to do with it? “I drink mostly to forget now son, two years ago a man broke into my house and murdered my wife and son while I was deployed serving my country. A man can come back from a lot of things, but this was too much. They were all I had, no brothers or sisters, parents both dead, my world fell apart.” I slipped and extra twenty into his hand as I started to walk away and he disappeared into the store. In that moment, all I had were tears sitting in my car, how the fuck did I let this happen, how the fuck did I ever feel sorry for myself, what the fuck is wrong with me man? At least he is honest! Yeah I am drinking it all fell apart, he was serving his country and can you imagine, what the fuck is wrong with me man? No more, absolutely no fucking more this shit is pathetic, oh poor me and oh she dumped me and oh I smoked some pot and I lost a year abusing blow, SO FUCKING WHAT! It is called a past for a fucking reason and I am tired of living in mine and letting my future be dictated by it. Shits done, it didn’t go down the way I wanted it too and that shit sucks, but this shit that I am living right now, I promise it sucks far worse!

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