Don’t Live Your Life Wishing It Was Different!

It’s not about boats and mansions, their nice sure, not about the Lamborghini I would love to have either. It is about living this shit hole life running in Oklahoma, while living the one you want in your head. In your head it is little Caiden Lee and Kylie Arlene, in front of you it is a field of cows and nothing else around for miles and miles, kind of surprised I havent gotten a shotgun pulled on me by now, but hey there’s still time! By the way, is that cow tipping shit for real?  I know its mean and I love animals, but when your trying to sleep those fuckers don’t shut up, so maybe if I teach one a lesson, they will all get it? Ya think? Or have I lost my mind for trying to get even with cows, well for being cows! But listen to me, if I have ever said anything that matters or has made a difference, it is about to come out of my mouth right now so don’t miss it. The worst thing you can do is play out the life you want and could have had in your head, when you can still actually possibly have it still. It is a trap game and the worst one of all, I don’t know if I can have that life or not, I don’t know anything, because I at thirty-seven am still trying to figure out how to get the fuck out of my own way. Worse than the lying, the bitterness and whining and harboring resentment I shouldnt of, worse than the pain and heartache is slowly watching your life slip away like a bad ending to a horror movie and knowing you can do something about it and not doing it. It is maddening, I have all the moves and all the capability to make it go down the way I want and yet day after day I let my life pass away! Living it in your head leads to sleepless nights and endless days and this nightmare of a life will never go to bed. It as I said is all about to go down, I imagine I got until the end of the year to figure it all out and put the pieces in place, hell maybe not even that long, but something is about to go down, something is about to change and one thing is for sure. I am more afraid of what will happen if I keep living it in my head, than I am afraid of that change, so lets roll!

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