Frozen, sluggish and tired of driving, as I sit here in what I believe is Canyon City Colorado. I have nothing tonight, I am simply tired, that is all. I should end the post there, after almost swerving into a semi earlier because of lack of sleep, but I know what is coming. It comes every night at around eleven, reminding me, life will pass me by, if I don’t open my eyes. It is the sleeping pill I take every night. What is she doing with him right now, how much time does my diabetic mother have left after all the stress I have put her under so I could smoke weed. I could write a hundred pages about who I wronged and how I fucked up, hell I probably have, but I am done being down in the dumps. Choose to be down in the dumps and your life will be down in the dumps with you. It isn’t perfect now, it never will be, it doesnt exist, but happy does and I finally figured out that is why I am out here, trying to find happiness. Not running or forgetting what I did, but trying to find a way to go back and fix it the best way I can and maybe make some life out of this shit hole I have created! I can, and you can still have it all, people pull shit off everyday, eye on the prize and finish. That is the one thing I can say without a doubt I didn’t do and why my life went to shit. I didn’t finish, I left it in the wind and I left decisions that affected my future in someone elses hands and in the end I lost and am still spinning and wounded, but I am no longer that bitch and I learned one thing. All I have to do is open my eyes and life will quit passing me by.