I talked in the previous post about the message I left on my parents answering machine, about probably missing Thanksgiving. What if it is the last Thanksgiving I get with my Grandmother or my Mother? What if not going and facing it turns into something far worse in the end? Yeah I thought a lot about it today, I took the move off of the closet floor and now it lies on the floor behind my passengers seat. I though a lot about how you would think with all of the bullshit I have done and what it has cost me, you would think I would figure shit out. But no I still want to pick up a phone and call a girl and tell her fuck the bullshit, what we did to eachother doesnt matter, what matters is going through this life with who does matter by your side and in your corner. I want to fix it all, I want my mom and dad to be proud of me, I want my freinds to know I can be counted on not just sometimes, but every fucking time that I open my mouth. I thought a lot about my lab and how he is sad when I am not around and what he must be thinking now. He was abused by someone until one and then abandon, so I cant even imagine what is going through his head. Man I gotta fix this shit quick, I gotta get home, everything I want is there and im running in Yreka from a past that still catches up with me 700 miles away! I thought about a whole hell of a lot, when your all by yoorself, you got a lot of time to think and you either find yourself or bury yourslef!