I been ripping out these pages, with nothing but madness on my mind. On the road it feels like its been ages and now it’s so fucking complicated feels like nothing is going to go right. It is a catchy Jay-Z remake forever young, but none of us stay young forever and every single day I live of thirty-seven I realize it even more! I’ve been trying to find myself now in northern Cali, but ripping out these pages of my past is harder than I thought and may bring more pain then staying there and trying to face it. But how can I face it? I still am that same boy refusing to be a man who I always have been and everybody sees it. Unwilling to act, so actions are taken against him and now what is left of him is blowing in this northern California wind this morning. Cold, and alone, what I would give to be waking up with my lab at my feet with his leash in his mouth ready for his morning walk. I destroyed everything and the fire I had to rebuild it in me that I thought I had at least is dwindling today. Last night I met a homeless guy outside a mini-mart begging for change when I went to get a drink. When he saw my plates, tying to make small talk and lead to the question of you got any change? He said, “Washington, home of the World Champion Seahawks. What part are you from?” I said I used to be from Washington, but my new address is 872-XOI and it appears to be a gray Volkswagen Jetta. I walked in the store, and as I walked out and got ready to hand him a five I didn’t have to give him before I headed back to the rest area to try to sleep he said this. “Most people don’t care, that is the problem with this world, you seem like you do. We can’t rewrite our own history and that would appear to be what you are trying to do out here, find yourself, but don’t run to long.” I did run for to long and in the end when I tried to run back, there was nothing left to run back to, but the lonely cold streets I still live on to this day.” He turned and faded into the night with that, but I bet he has no clue what a change he just incited inside me. You can get to deep, you can take it to far and become to far gone, you can also rip the pages out of this bitch and rebuild it if you work. One month or less I want to be able to go back to Olympia with my head held high, I want to walk back in what I could be, I am tired of running from what I was. And man these Jetta seats are uncomfortable as fuck to sleep on!