I knew better, I played with fire and fuck me, same boat, shits sinking, shits not changing, feel like I am typing in monotone and fuck my life! Think I could end that post right there and it would sum it all up perfectly. You ever get tired of trying to be better? Who cares, everybody does it, it was just a fuck, it was sex, she knows that, right of course she does when she follows up with 30 texts before 9 a.m. the next day! Remember how I said I was going to be better and the girl I have treated even worse now then I was treated I did it to again tonight. She asked to suck my dick, Sure why the hell not. I was going to be better, I was going to fade away like the douchebag I was, but now, I went and fucked it all up again. You ever wonder? If you do what your supposed to as opposed to what I have chosen to do, if it goes down different? What if I was supposed to be better tonight, what if tonight was my break and I literally blew it in some chick I could care nothing abouts mouth while she wants me as bad as I want someone else! Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we choose to check our balls at the door indeed! It felt great for a moment, just like getting stoned did, but when you come down from the initial high, you are still a grade A douchebag with the same problems to face and fix! Shit it was going to be a really good post I had a feeling, but it ends here. Listening to a Nelly song about walking away and I am not happy, I am falling apart. Deal with life, before it deals with you, because tonight the pain of it all is really all that I feel! I’m haunted, wish I was numb and have no fucking clue where to go from here, falling and the bottom has fallen out and I don’t know where it stops. The only thing worse than all of that, is knowing it is all your fault! Guess in the end, grade A douchebags get there just desserts tonight!