Everythings In The Car, All Thats Left To Do Is Have The Guts To Walk Away!

I left myself no choices, no options and only one way out of this hole that I have dug! Was going to take my best friend, my four-legged pal with me, but some paths we have to walk alone and he shouldnt have to pay anymore for my stupid choices, nobody should. Call me a coward, say I am running if you will, but fuck you I am not, it has to be this way, it is the only way to make a way. I have to walk, I have to leave it all here or it will leave the rest of my life in pieces that I will never be able to put back together. Like the guy at Jack in the Box the other night, questions now, no answers, going out in search trying to find your end game can be a deadly game, but here it goes. I am moving on, nobody here means me any ill will, in fact the opposite, they want the best for me, but I have turned home into hell and if I stay here all I am doing is fanning the flames. No contact with anybody, a one page letter to my parents to say I am sorry for it all, a couple of text to the few who matter and well the car is loaded, time to have the guts to walk away. This whole existence here that I have created is haunting it is chasing my tail day in and day out and I am simply to old and to tired for the chase anymore! Not in a million years did I see it going down like this for me. Face down in my 120 pound lab bawling my eyes out in his fur, hating myself and hating it all, this is no way to live. All the strength that I had built up is gone now, everything is starting to fade, so south it is, one last kiss on Dozers forehead, he sees it in my tears, but all I can say it is time to pay for all of my wrongs, it is time to have the guts to walk away. The note is in place sitting on the kitchen counter telling them how sorry there only child is that he never made them proud. That he only brought bullshit and pain, that he was a total failure and complete total loser at thirty-seven, and the door shuts behind me and all that is left now is me and a car and to put Olympia in the tailights……

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