What We Judge Ourselves On.

Mine lately has been can I get to twenty views. How sad is that? That is what I am holding on to, but at this point I guess I have to hold on to something. Is it the wife and kids? A good job? A college Degree? Nice guy and good person don’t seem to qualify, because in the end it would seem nice guys finish last or at least guys who think their nice! It was going to be some great post about how pathetic it is on the things we judge ourselves on, but my A.D.D. mind has carried me to a different place. What a liar I was and what it cost me. What I could have now and what I will never have again, if I only would have told the truth. I fell in love with you at the ballgame over dollar hot dogs and two dollar beers, you were amazing to my son and you took such good care of us, better than anyone ever has. But you were to busy trying to be something you werent and keeping up and appearance, I can’t have the man who will be my sons father, be a liar! All I see is the full circle right now. The lies and the actions that were taken against me that up until recently killed me, I did. I was the pathetic liar that was portrayed on me, I judge others for the same actions that I took, but God forbid you call me on it. Yeah you tell one lie, you have to tell two and pretty soon your whole life becomes a lie. And when it starts to crack, you yell and scream at the ones who loved you because they asked the question? All you left was unanswered questions you fucking pussy. Every time you had to sack up and make it happen, you ducked, dodged, dove and whatever the 4 d in dodgeball is, except this was your life you were dodging, not Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn on the big screen! So I have decided to hell with the sad ass Nelly walk away bullshit, its Sam Hunt house party, we can leave the night on attitude from here on out. Yeah I lied, can’t do anything about it and that is what I am being judged on now. Or maybe I can do something about it, maybe it still is a choice and maybe it all starts when you face the truth!

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