Sad what your life has come down to when you scramble to scrape up enough change for a cup of coffee from the cup holder in your car two days away from payday. I guess the bright side is while my phone is turned off and I am flat broke the next two days, at least I have a phone to turn off and at least I have a payday coming. Some people have no choice, but I still can’t figure out why I choose to nickel and dime it. Still can’t wrap my head around how I made any of this nonsense okay. This isn’t who I am it is clear for everybody else to see, but as I said, I still find some way in my head to make it okay! No fast car to get me out of this one Tracy Chapman, maybe it is time to start from zero, I have nothing to lose anymore, I have lost everything that has mattered at this point. And worse I have lost myself, I don’t even know who the fuck is looking back at me anymore in the mirror. Come to think of it, I havent recognized that little bitch looking at me in a long time. People move on, they want more out of life than you can give, because they hear your words and then they watch you nickel and dime it. Y0u cant have a millionaire attitude and a nickel and dime work ethic. We all struggle and fall and every now and then have to nickel and dime it, no shame in that. But when you continually choose to live down and live that way and have crutches a victim attitude and excuses, when you get it shoved down your throat, blame nobody! Yeah it is kind of embarising when you become the butt of the jokes at the gas station because you have accepted less and you have become okay with nickel and diming it. The only people who win when you choose to play small is whatever is against you know that. The guy fucking the girl who wants to be with you, but he has a job and you are a fucking loser. The best friend who wants to call you, but knows he cant until you put it all back together because you have fucked up so badly. Yeah I guess in the end, this nickel and diming it cost me billions, because there isnt and amount of money in the world that I wouldn’t give to have back all I lost and pissed away!