It Takes A Lot Out Of You Pretending!

Slapped a title in the box last night and then somehow fell asleep, so now I have no clue what the hell I was going to talk about. See Hell, not sure if that is better than fuck, but I think it is and still no fucking luck with this less cussing thing. It will catch up with me, ill meet some amazing girl and her son will start to say fuck because of me and then because I didn’t deal with it now like I should have it will deal with me at the worst time like I have said. So why talk about that shit, we know this, this is how it has gone down for me for going on sixteen years now and this I chose this! It takes a lot out of you pretending to be happy, faking the smile back when they smile at you and the never-ending question that everyone asks when they see you. How have you been? Or how are you doing? Oh you know, the typical answer, I am doing well, you? If you  consider pissing it all away, having to move in with mommy and daddy, still battling demons I should have dealt with a long time ago and well ill stop there but if you consider that well. Yeah most of the time it is I am doing well and scramble on to the next question because you aint got shit to say and all you can do is look at your feet! You let it stay with you. You kept pretending this life and less was okay and that is exactly what the fuck you got and now you want to complain about it. Let me tell you the one person people can’t stand the most in life? The mother fucker who does it to himself and then wants to play the victim and talk about how hurt he is and how he was done wrong. If you paid any attention to yesterdays post, guess what asshole? I am no fucking better, I just thought I was. Be careful, you can only pretend so long, before you start to make that shit real in your head. And pretty soon you have built you life up on so much pretend and bullshit, that you don’t even know the difference between what is real and what isn’t anymore and that shit is scary. Quit pretending, today a week into thirty-seven I challenge you to live it. Pretending will get you to the next day, but that same day turns into a year and pretty soon you aren’t pretending anymore, you are old and looking back going WTF! I pretended for a long time I wasnt the piece of shit I am and I have come to terms with it and what I did. I am a really good person, we all have good in us, I chose to be that piece of shit and I just can’t keep pretending that it is okay anymore!

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