Happy Fucking Birthday To Me!

Some days it all falls together, some days it falls so fucking far apart you feel like you may never get to midnight. For me the clock struck midnight a long time ago on everything I wanted. One more year, one more time telling myself that I wont be here next year, then I am. What do you do, when you can’t even depend on yourself? I think about the only person who hasn’t lost faith in me is the dog, and lets face it, he can’t, I feed him. Worst of all, I think I am starting to lose faith in myself, the person who by far is the most tired with my act is me. So much potential and so many excuses, happy fucking birthday to me. In three hours, my time zone (PST), my grandmother will be 87 and I will be 37 and she will still be disappointed  in me. What a life I have wasted, opportunities that people would kill to have. And I pissed them away chasing woman I thought matter, coke for a year, weed for years after that and now here I sit. No not some funny movie with Matthew Mcoughney, this is what my life has come down too. I walk in the room and I am the life of the party and the guy everyone wants to hang out with and talk to, but when it comes down to being that guy and not talking about it. It’s easy to give the kid with a lot less than you a pair of shoes and you should if you can. It is easy to take a minute or two, to shake the handicapped kids hand and listen to him talk about the mariners. It isn’t so easy approaching your thirty-seventh birthday knowing the only chance you have, is to change everything that you are and have let yourself become. Man starting over was a lot easier in video games when you have cheat codes and warp tubes and all kinds of crazy cool shit like that. No life takes that blood, sweat and tears that we keep coming back to. Before I go to bed tonight, I will be thirty-seven years old, I will have pissed away, just about everything that has mattered, yeah shits bad over here, barely hanging on by a thread. So happy birthday to me, but hey at least I got that thread, sometimes the littlest thing can lead to your biggest break in life, remember that shit!

Advertisements
Standard

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s