But I don’t want to, I want vengeance, I want blood, I want to make them pay for what they did to me, tonight is just not my night. All of the anger and rage has found its way to the top and I don’t want to be and adult or a man and walk away, I want to spit fire and I want to take shots! I want to whip someones ass, I want to completely fucking lose it man, that is why I am sitting here with you know. I am afraid if I walk out that door right now, it will be many years before I am able to walk back in it. Yeah tonight I am capable of anything. Please do explain this to me? I am losing it over a bitch of a thirty five-year old who treated me like shit. I am drunk so put the kids to bed its going to get real and real ugly. I got head tonight from a smoking hot thirty one year old while a smoking hot twenty-six year old was sending me pics of her tits. I got drunk and had fun with good friends, but yet here I am, pissed as hell about it. I was supposed to be better than this, I was supposed to let things go, I was supposed to accept things. But I don’t want to accept the choices I make, good or bad, mostly bad, I have turned my life into a shit show that seems to have no end and I am just not okay with it anymore. When the liquor starts flowing, the truth comes out and the truth in certain texts I sent tonight, got pretty fucking ugly and I don’t know what to do about it. I had worked so hard and built up so much strength, I sure as hell didn’t see it going down like this and me losing a grip so fucking bad! You have to accept the good with the bad, but three days away from thirty-seven, with nothing I really want in sight, the light on my life seems to be getting dimmer. The only way to turn it back on is to accept what I have done, but I don’t honestly know if I can. When you set out with revenge in your heart, they say dig two and whoever they are is right, but tonight, all I same to care about is the fight and vengeance!