“Like And Old Beach Roller Coaster!” Fuck I Hope I Am Not Going To Die!

Luke Bryan on repeat check, missing her always, but I am finally over that,missing my life and what I could have had for sure. The best friend I can’t call and the respect I used to have in my Grandmothers eyes,  miss that check and check. But fuck man I hope I am not going to die, it is weird, but going back to 21 the three weeks in the hospital and the almost dying, I can compare a lot of it to what is going on now. I had let my life go to shit, back then I was addicted to alcohol now for sure it is the pot. I am letting everything that matters slip away, I am doing shit I know I shouldnt, but at times she and life get me twisted Mr. Bryan like and old beach roller coaster. Just like before the accident where I died, lately my days and endless nights that I don’t sleep have been consumed with one thing. All the what might have been and then the what might have been turned into waking up from a coma hearing that I had a fifteen percent chance of living, a hospital bed I still feel sometimes like I have never left. Fuck man, what if? I am taking to many workout supplements, I smoke pot at times, I had two collapsed lungs, I had a massive year-long coke habit and although that was back at twenty-three, what kind of damage do you think that did? I remember vividly like right before the wreck taking inventory of my life, and where it was going. Now I see little Caiden Lee and Kylie Arlene, I see a I do in Hawaii, dogs and a house and those weekend soccer games that I keep talking about and I come back to one thing. Just like at my former best friends daughters casket, just like at my grandfather’s death bed when cancer was taking him, I promised God all the good I was going to do if he saved me and you know what? He did, you know what I did? I could have been an example, I could have been a comeback story, could have changed things, someone kids look up too, not this fucking loser! My life is an entire shit show roller coaster, but what choice do I have, I have to live a 100 miles and hour, balls to the wall and then run right through the mother fucker, it is the only way I know how to operate! Man, fuck I hope I am not going to die, I have a whole lot of promises I still gotta keep! And if I let it go down this way, it would appear I go down as a fucking chump who never followed through on anything!

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