Only One Thing Hasn’t Changed!

I had it, I always did, it never went away and I realized it today as I saw my friend trying to get from the gym to Safeway in his wheelchair. The two-minute walk it takes that I take for granted, takes him and hour, but he does it, and I guess that is what it is all about. I heard this today, a quote from a wrestler who I loved growing up, yes I used to like wrestling! But the man was a great wrestler a great drinker and a great drugger I guess if that is even a word, but he taught me something about myself today, so here goes nothing. “I’ve done some bad things. I tried  to not keep myself waiting for it. You can’t live for a moment that may never happen. You need to live in the moment. If it hadn’t been for Vince McMahon, I wouldn’t have gone to the rehab’s that I went to. The rehab’s didn’t work, and the reason they didn’t work is because I wasnt ready. I hadn’t really found the problem. It just wasnt my addictions. I went through a lot in my life that  scarred me pretty good. I built a wall around myself to the point where nobody knew what was really going on inside me, including myself.” Before the quote, I said but he does it, and that is all that matters to me now. He pushes that wheelchair by himself most days struggling to move five feet, but he fucking does it, what the fuck is my excuse? Jake Roberts I will pray for you in the ICU right now and in one sentence you may have just saved my life sir and given me some of the best advice I have ever got! It hasn’t happened for me yet, because I am writing and living for a moment that may never happen, two of them. A girl who did me so wrong and a former best friend that I did so wrong, but while worrying about that, I have stayed in the same fucking place once again and life has passed me by. I have friends, I may always wonder a little bit about it and her, but another girl will come along, I have to admit it is time to live in the moment. It has been three months now since shit went sideways with my best friend and she led me down a path that we were getting back together and crushed me, only one thing hasn’t changed, me!

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