It’s the same ducking thing, the same fucking day, all that I am supposed to knock off, I won’t! As I lay next to the one who wants me as bad as I want what’s up the street, I realize the physical is great, but nothing has fucking changed and soon I will destroy her the way I was destroyed! Sure thought in all the anger and bitterness I had toward the one who did it to me that I was somehow better than that, but sometimes we do things that we are neither proud of or think we are capable of and what then! I guess in the end if I ever expect for it to change, I have to start living life, stop fucking worrying about every little thing so much and play my fucking cards! How do I ever expect it to change if I’m holding aces and won’t play them!