I Did It To Keep Score!

I’ve felt pain before, I have done good and I have done bad, hurt, loved and far worse. As I was taking inventory of the mess going on in my head right now, I realized the people I was judging for being such piece of shit monsters, were no different from me it became clear to see. I am going to crush someone, and worse you ask? I act like I care, I act like I don’t want to until I do and then find once I get what I want, I really don’t care. For all  the shoes, for the Marshyn Lynch Jersey I took off that I was wearing to give a handicapped kid today, for the money and time I have donated, in the end feel I may have done it to keep score! I hurt people the same way I was hurt, and sometimes it would seem I do things to keep score and hold things over someones head. Imediately after I react, I feel bad, but and apology only goes so far after words have been said and that is the problem, I react just like you! Yeah I guess in the end we are all human and we all do things that we wish we didn’t, but fuck man, I have to quit doing them over and over again. Tonight I realized that I have all of the potential in the world, I realized I am still in this bitch until my last breath, the only mother fucker who is keeping score is me and I am not out of this game until I say so, fuck living by the rules and constraints I have let be put on me! Yeah fuck it, I want to help those kids in Africa, I want to donate to my former best friends daughters charity, fuck I want to walk back in the door and be able to talk to him. Oh yeah and if your listening up there God and the little six year old angel who was taken far too soon, a black Lamborghini would help to, I am pretty sure. Sad thing is I could do and or have all of that, but I am to busy keeping score about whose right and whose wrong instead of making a move and crushing shit! I left it all in the wind, I kept score and left myself open for people to take shots, and looking at the scoreboard, I am way the fuck behind and this game would appear to be over. It would appear that way, but shit isn’t always as it appears…..

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