I’m Afraid I Let Myself Down!

Um er, look the other way, look around and hope they are talking about someone else. But just like in that hospital bed when I woke up with a fifteen percent chance of living, the doctors were talking about me. I am afraid as I write this my friends that I have done the worst thing of all, I’m afraid I let myself down! I am afraid I had the chance, hell I had multiple chances and I let them slip away when I chose to let myself down. Worst of all of it, it would appear now as I sit exactly one month away from thirty-seven that I chose this. I chose to let myself down, I chose to let life pass me by, I chose to take the path of least resistance because it was easier and  now resistance is all that it would seem I have left! What if it stays with you and it does hurt Sam Smith, Then what? What happens when one month away from thirty-seven you look in the mirror and fuck letting yourself down, that is the least of your problems, you don’t recognize what is looking back at you. You don’t know how you backslid down this hole so far, there was a time when people were proud of you, when you were on top. And I didn’t let myself down because some bitch who was supposed to love me chose some douchebag with a boat over me. No that is on her for choosing things over a shot at love, what she knew she really wanted. I let myself down, because I wasted my time on someone who only cared about things and cared nothing for me! I’m afraid I let myself down, I was better than  this the whole fucking time and the only one who trapped me here was me! Youre better than this too if you really think about it. I’m afraid I let myself down, I should have been farther, I should have done more and here  I  sit, so I guess that leaves only one thing left to do! Time to burn this mother fucker down, time to start from the bottom again and rise up from the ashes, do it right this time. I may have let myself down, but a month away from  thirty-seven, there is still a whole lot to be proud of and there is still a whole lot of time left on the table if I choose not to waste it. In the end the only thing that you really have to be afraid of is yourself, because the only person who can really let yourself down is you if you choose to let it go down that way. So August 9th, 2014 folks make a choice and make it now, continue to let yourself down or be the one who figures this bitch called life out once and all!

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