More like lost my damn mind, awe this should be a fun post at ten o clock on a friday night. I should be out enjoying life, but I wanted to get high. I should have been out chasing pretty girls, hell with the work I have done a lot of them are turning their heads right now and wtf does it matter when I am sitting here typing to you still trying to beat myself? I am learning trying to be better than yourself isn’t as easy as it sounds and while I laughed tonight as my buddy walked around the kitchen looking for the weed he just had, my comment was “I was going to get high, but then I lost the damn weed,” and everybody laughed. I’m good for a laugh, but as I watched him just like I watched that guy I was talking about the other day in my post “Mother May I,” I saw myself again. Chasing a bag of weed, forgetting shit all the time and forgetting to take care of what matters, and now what matters is gone. I have been doing pretty well fighting it lately I must admit a little proud of myself too, but when you see it play out in front of you, it isn’t like t.v. when you see the abused animals or kids starving in Africa and you can change the channel. And while it was a funny scene tonight hanging out with your buddies, one month away from thirty-seven tomorrow, the clock I have put myself on has been accelerated and tic toc….. I think it was by afro man, a song from back in the day entitled “because I got high.” I was gonna go to work, but I got high, and it goes on and on about what he was going to do, but he got high. Its funny in a movie, its hilarious in a song as the guy rapping it smokes a joint, but it isn’t so funny when that is what you have let your life come down to. I couldn’t get a grip on my add and the pain after that car accident, and through the pain pot and pills, I found coke and I found my way down this rabbit hole I made! Damn man, sounds pretty depressing if you ask me, I need to get high!