Trying To Find Yourself, Through All Of The Damage You Have Done!

You are your own worst critic, and those self-inflicted wounds are always the worst! The strength I have found lately eludes me tonight as battles I thought I won come creeping back up to the surface, time doesn’t make it easier, it seems to make it harder to move away from it. With the internet and social media and everything, situations never seem to go away, ten years ago you didn’t have to see Facebook posts of the damage you inflicted and what you have lost moving on without you. You didn’t have to read words posted about you being a piece of shit because you were supposed to be better and keep a promise to a six-year-old girl in Heaven. Hell you were supposed to be better, because that was what you promised everybody, God dying in that hospital bed and all your friends and family when you got out about how you got your chance and you were going to change shit and shit was going to be different this time! Now look at you, all that strength you thought that you had built up, and all it took was finding the bottom of the bottle to text the past and bring up a nightmare, yeah it sure is hard trying to find yourself through all of the damage you have done! And yet I find myself still as Pastor Joel Osteen said, “faking it, until I make it.” What if I don’t have to fake it this time? What if I prove to myself and everyone taking shots that I can still find myself through all of this damage I have done! What if I played that card I been talking about, woke up tomorrow or fuck it didn’t go to sleep, yeah you only got 24 hours in a day and some weeks you’re going to have to stay up for three days straight it would say! Got it in you? It’s the only way to fix this, it is the only way to come back on top, do you want it? Damage is just that, it can be fixed, it is just a word and damage isnt permanent most of the time, so quit making things that aren’t permanent, well permanent. Start really being your own worst critic and watch what happens, I have noticed I have been calling myself on a lot more bullshit lately, not letting myself slide and ive also noticed shit getting better! I can’t give a shit about the damage of I have done, because the damage is done! I can care about making it right the best I can, I can care about finding myself and being a better person, but I can’t keep coming back to this wanting to change what I did, or I will keep inflicting damage and I am afraid I will never find myself!

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