You ever look back and wish, if I had only known? If I had only known 9 months later it would still be destroying me, boy I might of done a few things differently that’s for sure. I cant even blame her anymore for dropping me on my ass, I dropped myself on my ass and wouldn’t get off my ass, long before she ever came in the picture. In my case I did it to myself and I knew all along when I gambled with my future and everything that I wanted instead of manning up and pulling it together, no crying over here! But what if you knew I was going to die at six? Like my former best friends daughter did, the girl who I made a promise to at her casket, and have failed miserably at delivering on! What would you do if you had known? Thats the point I am trying to make here, she was far better than I. she didn’t know how to hate, she helped people, always had a smile on her face and her card was called at six, while I still get to waste mine away at thirty-six! Man if I had only known, I sure as hell would have done a lot of things different. I would have went inside and said hi to her the night before she passed away, but she wasnt feeling well and I didn’t want to bother her. Surely I would see her again, until I didn’t, and that is the bitch about life, we just assume sometimes, we really have no clue, so I guess my next question would be, for people like me, why are you wasting it when you don’t know? Why would you dwell on the past, a girl, a situation you can’t change, why if you want it, why wouldn’t you go after it? Why do you think you have all this time to waste and get it right? Time is the one thing that we all eventually run out of and while at thirty-six time may not be running out on my life, but it sure running out on the life that I want!